The Exclamation Mark Blog!

Moved

2007-03-06T01:46:00.001+08:00

... to here for good.

thanks for being a part of this blog for the past 2 and half years.

I appreciate every one of you.

UGH

2007-01-13T04:24:00.000+08:00

I'm kind of pissed at 2006 because I haven't managed to get any sort of real fulfillment watching television of movies. If you think fulfillment from film is oxymoronic I highly suggest you go for a brain transplant because you can get tons of satisfaction watching film. I do.

I'm totally done with Lost, and it's seriously going down the shithole. It's not doing it for me anymore and now even the twists and turns the writers put into the plot is actually coming across as very gimmicky to me already. Half the time the tension doesn't add up to anything constructive - i.e. any sort of revelation of a character or some sort of emotional layering.

I've tried to put myself through America's Next Top Model and I can't do it anymore. The eye candy is getting worse and worse every season. Eye candy is the main reason why i watch it anymore. the shots and stuff I do appreciate but i feel most of them have such a 'done that' feel to it, I rather be reading photography mags or fashion mags (which i never do) if I wanted to look at good shots myself.

I'm not going to mention other reality television programmes because most of them are really terrible at the moment.

Sitcoms/comedy wise I'm loving Kitchen Confidential, which they're airing on Ch5 at a gross neglected timeslot, but I almost self imploded from shock and anger when i found out it was cancelled after one season.

Well at least there are some gems which i uncovered this year like Veronica Mars, which I'm determined I'm going to follow it fervently. And I've just finished the DvDs for the 4th season of Six Feet Under, which I love to bits - it has some of the best dialogue ever heard on television.

Well looking forward to 2007. Heroes is coming to Singapore at the end of the month on Starworld! If any of you don't have cable, this is the time to get it.

School is Fun

2007-01-13T03:49:00.000+08:00

I'm probably going to shift all my posts over to bearswithlaserspewpew, or hopefully direct this page to bearswithlasers, but since I'm not sure how to do that at the moment I'll just make do with posting here for a bit.

Anyway, school has finally reopened, and I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I've been bored to bits during the 1 month december holidays. It's more of a breather actually than an actual holiday itself, because in NUS - as with American schools - have the amazingly long 3 months summer holidays. (may-july)

I guess part of the reason I'm so excited for schoolis because I have this closet nerd in me that just loves to learn more and acquire knowledge - probably so that I can feel some sort of fulfillment? (geez i'm like 17 all over again) There's also the obvious motivation of having eye candy everyday. And the last biggest reason is the fact that I'm just such a lazy person that I can't really drag my butt off the bed or sofa to do any damn thing. Christmas is a busy season for me so yes I was still busy, but because there are things that i HAVE to do. But in any case when i'm faced with the possibility of just slacking, I'll always choose that in preference of actually doing something constructive. So school starting again is like grabbing my arm by force dragging me out of my stupid comfort zone.

School's been great so far, although I'm having this weird feeling of unease. I'm not quite sure what it is, I'm pretty sure it's not depression because I'm like over the whole emo thing totally and I'm sick of being a damn victim all the time in my mind, plus the whole depression gig thing gets really boring after a while. Anyway I'm surrounded with cheerful, happy people all the time so that makes it even way more impossible. I'm not sure. Maybe this uneasiness is just my dreaded lazy nature shouting out in some obscure part of my psyche in protest to me actually having to study again, resulting in such a weird feeling.

But anyway that malady aside, I'm pretty much geeked for school this semester partly because I'm taking really really cool modules. I'm doing my first film module this semester!! And it's like way freaking cool, though many of them are already year 2s and year 3s, so they pretty much have a great head start over me, but hard work will compensate adequately. Plus I got into a project group right away coz a pretty nice acquaintance of mine asked me to join, and my group mates are just amazingly cool people. I think this module is going to be really swell for me. And there isn't even any tutorial to speak of!

Boy am I happy.

Pew Pew Your face!

2006-10-18T09:17:00.000+08:00

I've been encouraged by Momo's new blog (real name not revealed for privacy issues) to get back into the blogging scene after a long break. I've moved to my new blog Bears With Lasers Pew Pew! and this blog is going to be awesome. It is going to be funnier, more entertaining, more moving, alot more positive and generally more kick-butt than this one! So stay tuned for more Pew pew pew! action!

Time after time

2006-06-27T23:15:00.000+08:00

Some people think the future is simply a lame concept to keep one from living for the day. In some extreme cases, they call it a '****ing concept' that deters one from cherishing the moment.

Often that category of people end up being the self destructive lot intent on wasting their lives away. I don't see how thinking about your future has any detrimental effect on you achieving joy for the present day. If you think working hard is a form of sufferring, then maybe so, but yet I don't perceive it to be so. Working often gives me a sense of fulfillment and thus, joy, and also at the same time, I'm carving a better future for myself.

Having that said, I am NOT relishing my new job. It's just a temp job that lasts for slightly over a month, but already I'm half dreading it, though I'll list the great parts of it later.

1) Naggy boss. 'nuff said.

then again having a naggy boss is better than having a fierce boss.

2) lousy pantry

No food in the pantry!

3) Naggy boss

Oh, I mentioned that already? did i mention how she rambles on and on and on and on and on like how I am typing on and on and on and on and on like this? Today I got so increasing fed up with her endless rambling sessions I had to intersect her talking and change the topic. Her rambling sessions often leave me with little opportunity to give coherent replies except for tons of 'uh huhs' and 'no problems'

I have to admit that my friends and I are rather mean in that we have taken an inclination to holding discussions on whether she's married or not. hehe. But still I think my boss is rather nice, just naggy. My friend would beg to differ.

anyhow, on an unrelated note, I've to learn not to keep bottling up stuff within myself. And also, this post is not really meant to be an entirely coherent post, I just wanted to let people know I'm in on a new writing project, The Pink Blog with a few other writers so do lend me your full support!

A Shadow

2006-05-02T15:56:00.000+08:00

I always find myself being really drawn to angsty, cynical characters on television shows, like Claire on Six Feet Under and also Angel and Faith on Angel. I often find myself trying to come to terms with this fact and rationalizing the cause behind it.

It's always as if these characters have a shadow over them, tailing them wherever they go, doggedly, perpetually evading their attempts to ditch it. Like it or not, we all have our own shadows, ones that stick by us 24/7, inextricably bound to some intricate part of our existence. I keep thinking, what exactly is this shadow? This is going to make me sound crazy but I think its... silence. And death. And fear that I'd never live out the life God has intended me to live.

Voices are what makes us unique - our opinions and views on different things as different unique beings. Death sometimes scare me - that I'd be robbed of my voice, condemned to a voiceless void for eternity. Even for a Christian , I sometimes do struggle with those kind of thoughts too.

But the tragedy is not in death. Everybody dies. Some live to a century, some pass away of cancer in mid life, some never make it even through their first day. I guess it's the knowledge that you never lived up to the full potential of your life, and basically pissed it all away. That scares me.

I realized something...

2006-04-02T02:33:00.000+08:00

When people hate you and talk about you, be glad.

As I've mentioned before on my blog, the opposite of love isn't necessarily hate. In my opinion, the antithesis of love is really more like general stoicism, aboslute indifference and insouciance. Love as we all know is a really strong emotion, something that makes the world go round (besides money of course, heh, what a materialistic world we've got.) We don't want people to hate us, but when they do, realize that they have strong feelings towards you enough to actually hate you. Which means you're important enough as a person to elicit some sort of emotions and thoughts (negative or otherwise) from that person.

In other words, when a person hates you, it indicates that he cannot ignore you. Which is a pat on the ego, if you ask me.

Absolute indifference on the other hand is something different. It's an absence of response all together from another person, an total vacuum of emotion and thought. Goes to show how that person slights you and belittles you to the point where you do not even matter to him, even if you get in his way. A lack of utter concern - that's the antithesis of love.

Just my 2 cents worth.

I felt like penning this down because in my eyes, i think hate is just simply childish and stupid. I can get angry at a person for perhaps a few hours, but to cling on to anger and bitterness and let it germinate to hatred is utterly silly and in a sense, self-destructive. I rather just ignore the presence of that person all together and not let him affect me - and I believe that really is a facet of strength.

Anyhow, just regard it as a revelation of sorts. My pastor once said, if you are really doing God's will, there will be people talking about you. And if there aren't any, then you better start getting out of your comfort zone and doing somethng extraordinary. It's imperative that any person walking on the road to success will encounter enmity and animosity from others, but just take it in your stride and realize that now, you're finally somebody.

Yes. When you've haters, you finally know you have made it. =D

****

On a side note, I just really don't have time for hatred in my life. Being surrounded by such a wonderful group of church friends (e104, who else? shout outs to those church members reading my blog, Eunice, Dale, Timothy, Jasmine etc) I think happiness is really the predominant emotion in my life.

What Really is Winning?

2006-03-21T23:20:00.000+08:00

Attention all people! I'm back here blogging again!

Been too busy enjoying my leave as I am gearing up to become an ORD-inary person again. =D Guys who understand the feeling, rejoice with me!

And you may wonder, what exactly I have been doing so much that have kept me busy from blogging. Let's run down the list: Dvds, church, elderly ministry, meeting up with friends, and not forgetting, DOTA!

If you're into computer gaming and that doesn't ring a bell to you, you probably have been living with your face buried in the ground for the past few years. DotA ( Defence of the Ancients) is a custom game map created by players for the computer game Warcraft 3. Before you go ahead and try it out, a word of caution: it is highly addictive. (And no, I'm 'addicted' but NOT addicted, if you get what i mean.)

I've been thinking a lot- what is at the core of its appeal? Sure, it's helluva fun, it's pure fantasy escapist thrill, and it transports you into a magical new world where your life is not so mundane. But then again, what about other things? Music serves out the same purpose. The Television does too.

But beyond that, I believe its allure lies in the glory of victory and the satisfaction of excellence. When your character is the strongest and your team wins, you'll probably be on cloud 9. Really, sometimes when I wonder why so many thousands and thousands of people are literally seduced and intoxicated by the taste of that faux success, it leads me to that same conclusion: people want to win. Doesn't matter if its in 4D, in a soccer match, in their studies, or perhaps in the workplaces ; people want to win, and the fact remains that losing sucks.

Yes, with the whole new world of computer games opened up to the masses, a world of fantasy is accessible and people can temporarily transport themselves out of their mundane lives where they are often burdened by the drudgery of everyday work. But more than that, computer games (esp games like DotA) have opened up an outlet where everyday losers CAN win.

Lately as I've listened to my friends' advice (thanks Alvin and Dale) , I've begun to reflect and evaluate to what extent I am 'hooked' onto the game. At a point I admit I've perhaps crossed the line a little (not surprising since i like living on the edge a little sometimes) and I realized it was my craving to win. Sometime ago, I realized i was playing DotA to WIN, and not to have fun. I was ruthlessly aggressive to some of my teammates (who were quite often friends) issuing out orders in order to get my way done - though perhaps it was the same for all of us- and ometimes I believe it does get to others and irk each other.

And hence from then, I've been playing less competitive games with the aim of simply having fun and enjoying myself. It actually does a lot more to foster a good spirit and 'sportingness'. I think I've become a lot more 'sporting' as a result. (I'm so thick-skinned. =D)

Being competitive has always been in my genes. My dad was always an achiever, doing well in most of the things he came across and eventually rising up to a general manager. There was a climate of competitiveness among my family - everyone was fighting to put their children into the best schools and then parade their 'trophy children' to the entire world. I've always felt pressure to perform, and that desire to excel has been so entrenched in my behavioural patterns, ingrained into my mindsets, that it is something so natural now. I failed to realize that in secondary school because my lack of vision perhaps hindered my desire for excellence. In JC, it was my depression that robbed me of that go-getting attitude that ambitious people have.

I realize that truth now and I realize something even more important : Wanting to win is good. Wanting to win at the cost of things that are more important - relationships, health, etc - isn't. You just have to define that line and make sure not to cross it.

And please, be a winner in real life. Manage your time well, excel in your workplace, do well in your studies, get to the universitiy if need be, manage relationships well ; being a 'winner' really encompasses many aspects. Just don't confine yourself to being a winner in the virtual world because that is utterly foolish and perhaps even delusional.

And I don't know how relevant this is to you guys, but perhaps I'm writing for myself. Perhaps I need to read this for myself because at parts I really am writing for myself. =D

OH, and you guys GOT to go buy the Serenity DVD. It's an amazing film.

Vanity Fair

2006-03-08T12:59:00.000+08:00

Today I was walking home along this rather narrow kerb walkway by myself, when one young woman was walking in the opposite direction. Since that kerb was rather narrow, once you're walking in the centre of the lane, there isn't enough space for another person to walk past you, unless you shift to the side.

Problem is, this girl was occupying the centre spot of the kerb and she was using her umbrella to cover her face, most likely because it was a sunny day and she didn't want to expose her face from any excessive radiation therapy. So she was walking in position,
umbrella grasped firmly in hand, her guardian protecting her from the vicious nemesis of the skin - sun rays!

Then I was trying to evade her even as I approached because she was like a wild boar roaming into a danger zone; unfortunately, I was the one being endangered in this case. Even as I approached her, i tried to shift myself to the extreme side of the kerb, but out of a sudden, she raised up her umbrella and almost hit me with head of the umbrella. Sure enough, she exposed her face, and her flawless, radiating, snow-white skin.

And that got me thinking, why in the world are girls so vain they actually walk with their umbrellas like that? It's actually quite dangerous, and even bordering on obsessive. I think just slapping on a bit of sun block should do the trick right? It would suffice to protect anyone from a little glare of the sun.

Girls ar. Why so vain one. (okok, stereotype again, but this one's generally true, so i'm sticking to it.)

****

On another note, these are my few favourite American Idol contestants!

My 2 favourite females are:

Lisa Tucker -- what a gorgeous young thing. Absolutely poised, glamorous, and hot!

Paris Bennett -- psychedelic, hyperactive, cute ball of youthful energy and spunk

My 2 favourite male contestants are:

Chris Daughtry -- nice and pleasant and wholesome looking rocker dude (if ever there was a oxymoron... but hey, then again, why can't rockers be wholesome and nice? rock's just the genre of music, it doesn't define how a person's personality should be, and props to him for daring to be different!)

Taylor Hicks -- he's just weird - and I like weird!

Seriously, some of the American Idol contestants are so good looking, I doubt they belong on this planet. i just want to mangle up their faces till it looks like this

Sour grapes, if you will! =D

Break

2006-03-01T23:58:00.000+08:00

I have a plethora of ideas for posts holed up somewhere in my mind, but right now I'm rather tired to blog. No posts till early next week. Unless of course, you guys start bugging me la.

where is Popagandhi?

2006-03-01T18:56:00.000+08:00

Oh no, where did Popagandhi go to? I tried stopping by her blog today but it ended with a Wordpress error notice. I tried again and the same thing happened. Anyone knows where she disappeared to?

A Lousy Poem

2006-02-19T19:16:00.000+08:00

I am sitting here
With a Pain on my back
Because I have a slipped disc.

Stupid slipped disc stupid slipped disc
why must you afflict my poor little back?
I hate you slipped disc.

Stupid me stupid me
why go and cheong until got slipped disc?
because my platoon all paika paichu cannot carry heavy stuff
make me the small guy carry
until i got a slipped disc.

stupid SAF, Stupid SAF!

Never call me HARDCORE.

2006-02-11T23:37:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, when people question me about my religion or ask me things pertaining to my faith in order to strike up a conversation (lousy ice-breaker, I must add), the conversation often leads to big bulging eyes and jaw-dropped, tongue tied expressions - followed by a remark that I often hate: "you're a hardcore Christian".

Now, being labelled 'hardcore' ranks high on my abhorrence list. It's like no. 1 on my 10 Commandments of Getting Along With Raymond : never ever call me hardcore. it irks me so much because of many reasons:

1) what? you don't know better words to use to describe me and other Christians? You watch too much porn already is it? Only know of the 1 word which comes to your mind inevitably?!

2) hardcore makes me seem like some looney, psychotic zealot. I'm just a staunch Christian, not a schizo nutcase. =D And by the way, atheists who are 'hardcore' are not dubbed 'hardcore' but rather, 'militant atheists' or 'angry atheists'. Sounds a lot less insulting right? Of course, being labelled a 'militant Christian' would be in itself an oxymoron, and the impression it creates is... well, undesirable.

3) 'hardcore' sounds stupid.

the stigma attached to being branded a 'hardcore' Christian is quite a burden to carry. when word spreads that you're a 'hardcore' Christian, it sometimes leads to raised eyebrows, awkward stares, even blatant avoidance. Quite a burden to carry, I must mention.

But at the end of the day, I'm proud to be a Christian. People say Christians are sheep; I say Christians stand out. My faith, beliefs and values defines my individuality and identity a lot. I mean, com'on, which guy nowadays doesn't believe in pre marital sex, getting drunk, getting into fist fights and would rather visit the elderly in his spare time? people might perceive me as an anomaly in the human species (what the heck.) but it's that risk that drives me on sometimes. You know, that living on the edge, putting myself in the Ridicule Spotlight and making myself highly vulnerable to mockery and gossip. it makes me feel different and unique! And I strangely derive some silly satisfaction from that. heh.

Having said that, Marilyn puts it really well. Why do some atheists quote from the bible to substantiate their arguments when they don't even believe in the bible anyway? Half the time, their arguments are flawed because their knowledge of the bible is so limited. Food for thought.

Life in camp is rocky, full of misunderstandings and backbiting, but I know God will see me through. It's never easy to be in the position of an IC, but what God appointed me to be He'll give the grace to let me accomplish it. I'm fine, guys!

Smiley Faces

2006-02-05T20:51:00.000+08:00

Why don't guys use the smiley face regularly in their blog? For me, I love using it, because I just can't help but... contain the joy that's in me. It's just a natural instinctive thing - to feel joy and express it.

let's see, several perceptions about the smiley faces:

1)only girls use it
2)only gays use it
3)only wimps use it

Ok, somehow i've gotten over the stigma of the smiley face and have started employing it such that it has become rampant in my blog and in my comments.

I find that it brightens my words up, and it brightens my blog up. I don't see why some guys seem so insecure such that they feel employing its use would but a dent in their masculinity. why ar?

ok for the 'tough' guys out there, a few pointers to help sway your opinions...

1) using the =D smiley face would make girls think you are cute. Even if they think you're acting cute, at least you get plus points for effort. :D

2) for the bloggers, using it in your posts make you seem friendly, and hence attract readers. (though yet to be proven true since I'm hardly a popular blogger still. heh)

3) smiling in real life uses less muscles than frowning. to type a smiley face would only require pressing 2 keys on the keyboard :D instead of 4 for all the **** **** expletives.

Ok that's all. bye!

Something to celebrate about

2006-01-31T18:28:00.000+08:00

Mom sponsored me a Nike shoe for CNY, of the Nike Air Series.

more than 10 hong baos, and though I've yet to open them all to count the money, I'm figuring it should be bordering at $800 dollars.

I'm rich again! :D

Friends. Solitude. Me.

2006-01-28T21:53:00.000+08:00

I just had my reunion dinner at my grandmother's place, and some things never seem to change year after year; a lot of conversation was forced and stilted, there was a general air of hypocrisy around the place, and some people like me kept interaction and conversation to a minimum, simply because I went by the philosophy - "nothing good to say, just shut up".

It occurred to me how fragmented and separated the whole family tree was. Then it hit me: relationships take effort and time to maintain. If no one initiates conversation, there'd be no progress in relationships and we'll just leave things at there and stay in our comfort zones of isolation.

Earlier on today, I was talking to a good friend, Eunice, sharing with her about my family and the reunion dinner before the topic took a sidetrack and led to the discussion on friends. It's no big revelation that our friends and assocations define who we are. We all have different social identities within different social groups, though sometimes who we want to be and who we try to be isn't necessarily who we actually are. Bible says bad company corrupts good character; we're bound to be influenced by the people we hang with - so you get the gist.

Actually I realized after being in church for a couple of years, I don't have like best friends to tell people about. I have good friends, but not friends I can call my group or something like that. Even out of church, I guess I have my best friends, but not in the form of a group, but rather just individual friendships. I realize I do not like interacting in groups; it stifles honest sharing sometimes, mainly due to the fact some things are private and bringing them out in the open in the presence of many will only bring out the fear of judgment. That is the predominant fear that keeps me from really connecting with people.

In the past, no. I guess in the past it was intellectual pride. In JC, I took literature, and let's face it, most literature students are a brilliant lot. Not to mention, my class had the hotties in it, and basically many of them strut around like they were the elites in the school. While I was hardly arrogant, I guess the time spent discussing interesting themes in lit classes was like a major ego trip for me; it never failed to make me feel superior above many others. You call that juvenile and childish, and I don't deny it - it is.

I always thought that the intellectual side of me really made it hard for me to connect with people. Initially I couldn't connect with some people from my church ( I wasn't new to the church at that point but I was hardly what you call a old member) because I had this whole air of faux intellectualism. thinking about it, it's all just plain silly.

then that whole ego thing just dissipated into thin air because I realized whole incredibly destructive pride is, and not to mention also realize how I'm not really that smart - they're tons way above my cognitive ability. Plus, man's wisdom pales in comparison to Divine wisdom. I guess a whole faux concept of self dominated my thoughts and midn. I just kept thinking myself of being so neurotic and different that I simply gave up trying to connect to people all the time. Every time people tried to connect with me, I pulled back. I dodged their valiant attempts to grab my heart and I hid it in some obscure treasure trove so as to make them give up reaching out to me.

I don't know why that was so. Stubbornness? perhaps. Fear of judgment? perhaps. Fear of being hurt? perhaps. I think some part of me got so numb that social interaction bored me at some point of time. And now looking back, I realized why I numbed that part of me: so that I could indulge in worldly pleasures without feeling guilty; so that words of my friends and even God fell on a stony heart.

2 years ago, things got gradually better, and I started opening up, got closer to fantastic people like Dale and Eunice and had a reciprocral friendship of encouragement and love. But while the friendships were growing, suddenly I just... pulled away... cut myself out. Again. This time I realized why I did so. I think part of me is still innately pessimistic, which is why I am sometimes drawn to deep, thinking people (who let's face it, are often depressed). the chirpiness of my friends started to rub me off, and I tried to remain elusive to hide away from any potential disruption of my peace and isolation - my rather delusional comfort zone.

So then, I don't know what to say but thanks Eunice again, because I again realized how important it is for me to maintain healthy friendships and relationships. I got convicted to do something about it, because I'm not an iron man. I need support and encouragement from time to time, of which I have no lack of when I'm with great people like the cell group.

But what struck me most was what Eunice told me, "God gives us friends according to our capacity to contain them." How utterly true. it's time to break out of the shell I've cooped myself up in for the past 3-4 months and start pressing into the lives of the people around me. I've friends all around me; it's just up to me to take the initiative to build up those friendships that are worth me investing into.

Also, thanks Terence, reading your blog has encouraged me a great deal. :D

On another note, I seriously think I'm sufferring from a slipped disc. Exceedingly worried about it because that will mean I might not be able to serve in my ministry as actively as I used to. What about my remaining time in the army? the physical activity is going to be extremely torturous. I will just have to wait to see the doctor on Monday.

Happy Chinese New Year to all the Chinese. To all the non-Chinese, enjoy your public holiday (if you're staying in Singapore). :D

A Christian in Reflection

2006-01-27T22:07:00.000+08:00

When I started off on my short 8 week course 4 weeks ago, I made a resolution that I wanted to go in to make a difference in the lives of others. I promised to myself not to judge others, but to love them - and a group of people have been a very big test to that.

It's hard not to judge others when what they do constantly gets on your nerves and irritates you. It's like your proverbial thorn in the flesh - though sometimes I wonder if 'thorn' would be downplaying the level of agitation some people have on me. 'spikes' would be more appropriate.

You wonder why I find myself being so harsh on these group of people, and the answer is simply because they are irresponsible. I don't profess to be the most responsible person in the world, but I think to shun it is immature and simply indicative of a weak character. These people show flagrant disregard to timings, falling in late in the morning many times and causing the platoon to be held back for morning exercise and subsequently breakfast. They take their own sweet time to smoke (most of them smoke), and when the platoon has work to do together, some of them show an utter lack of interest. They throw your scoldings and coaxings into thin air, choosing to do things their way, like they're the law or something.

Being in charge of the platoon to a certain extent, it's simply vexing to communicate with them. But as Terence mentions, the key to commanding people would be to win their hearts. Obviously it's easier said than done, because the platoon is like a motley crew with different people from all different walks of life, with different personalities and beliefs.

But when I find myself judging them, God seems to remind me not to do so. I shun them because they seek instant gratification without worrying about the ramifications of what they do. Pleasure - however fleeting - usually comes first for them. Like how for 5 more minutes of sleep they actually cause the entire platoon to be held back for 20 minutes queueing up for breakfast.

But I remember how when I was struggling with problems like lust (not that I'm over that problem totally), it was very much the same for me. For some fleeting moments of pleasure that watching some illicit material of prurient content could render me, I actually numbed myself to the consequences of my actions - upsetting God and also slowly but surely destroying the potentially fulfilling sex life that could be derived from a solid marriage.

So yes, upon reflection, I do think now that I'm not so much 'better' than the others I rather erroneously judged. Hence it's no longer for me to burn in righteous fury and start ranting about the different annoying people I face everyday. Rather, I'll just learn to love them and start befriending them to win over their hearts.

The Four Meme

2006-01-22T00:02:00.000+08:00

Thanks laughingcow for tagging me once again - now I finally have something to blog about again! The drudgery of life in camp now is nothing worth blogging about. I could do away with some ranting and focus on the positive, most definitely!

So now I start the meme!

Four jobs you've had in your life:

1) Waiter (yuck yuck yuck.)
2) Sales promoter (for a tuition agency)
3) Signaller in the army (if you consider that a job. we're more like, cheap labour.)

Four TV shows you love(d) to watch (among many others):

1) Buffy The Vampire Slayer
2) Angel
3) Friends
4) American Idol (I'm literally glued to my screen during the show)

If you read my blog well enough, it shouldn't be surprising to you that I'm a big fan of Buffy. :D

4 movies you could watch over and over:
1) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Imho, still the best film in the 21st century that I've watched.)
2) The Matrix (also one of my favourite movies EVER)
3) X men 2
4) Spiderman 1 and 2

Four places you've lived in:
1) Marine Parade
2) Geylang Bahru
3) Ang Ko Kio
4) Tanjong Katong

Four places you've been on vacation to:
1) Europe (Uk, France, Holland, etcetc... I zoomed all around Europe in a whirlwind 2 week holiday.)
2) America (Las Vegas, Los Angeles (the closest I came to Hollywood!), Florida)
3) Australia (Sydney, Brisbane, Gold Coast, Melbourne, Cairns)
4) Japan

Four places you would rather be:

(like, laughingcow, I also believe in the 'here and now' philosophy, and hence I'm happy and glad with where I am now. But I'll just list it out here since I want to complete this meme properly. :D)

1) America (who doesn't want to live in the Land of Dreams?)
2) In some countryside area/ village in Australia
3) Sydney
4) On a cruise in the middle of the ocean

Four of your favourite foods:
1) Ben and Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk Ice Cream
2) Raw Salmon with Wasabe
3) The Vegetable with oyster sauce that the 'zhi cha' restaurants all sell.
4) Auntie Anne's Pretzels (sesame seed flavour)

4 of your favourite beverages:
1) Gelare Ice Cream Milkshare
2) Banana Milkshake
3) bu shuang yoghurt soft drink
4) Water with Pocari Sweat dissolved in it. (the army guys would know what I'm talking about)

(there're many more, but I shall not bore you guys. what's more, being deprived of these food being in the army, I'm simply making myself even more hungry thinking of all the good food I should be having.)

Four websites you visit daily: (if I'm not stuck in camp)

1) My blog (it's normal right?)
2) Blogcritics
3) Some of the blogs listed on my sidebar, like ms beautifuk's, marilyn's etc.
4) Yahoo Mail

4 people tagged:

1) Brennan
2) Lynn
3) Marilyn (of A Crunchy Green Apple, not 7m/h
4) Zenith

Looking forward to see you guys complete it.

Hellhole!

2006-01-18T09:04:00.000+08:00

Ok. What have a missed out in the past few weeks being isolated and alienated from society while stuck away in camp? I rather laughable controversy and debacle the blogosphere, apparently. You know what? Follow in Bunny's very smart footsteps, because this whole thing is just a big joke. Actually I didn't even want to comment about it, but today when I got to surf the net, I was inundated by a big pile of blogs which were all commenting on the whole debacle thing - and that made me bored to bits.

I am so glad those bloggers I read are so much more interesting than all the crap controversies on the blogosphere put together. :D

****

Life in camp is starting to be a bore. it's just the 3rd week and I'm already way pissed.

Irresponsible people.

Lazy people.

People who don't give a damn.

People who don't listen.

people who don't have any freaking integrity and keep sabo-ing the platoon.

People who think the Course IC (that's me) is their freaking nanny and will do everything for them.

Morons.

It's not difficult to maintain calm with them, because blowing up in an angsty tirade against them will just serve to make things worse. But being miserable in such a screwed up place, ranting on my blog is the only behaviour (undesirable as it is) I can safely engage in order to maintain self preservation.

The ironic thing is, I haven't quarrelled with anyone yet, no one hates me, maybe some dislike me. I don't know and I don't care. The sad thing is that, being sort of like the leader makes you automatically alienated from the rest of the platoon to some extent. AT some point of time, someone has to draw the line - or they will get too far- and that person will always have to be you. I can't always play the good guy all the time as much as I want the guys to be happy. People will say, "oh its easy for you to order them, you're a sergeant balblablabla".

Bollocks. It is never easy. It is always difficult. But its my duty and responsibility and I have to do it. Which I think I'm not doing and fulfilling enough. I'm still a little too nice. And I have to do something about it.

I'm still doing fine here in the course, but I'm growing frustrated. Thankfully, I know my Helper is by my side. And if I do - which i know i won't - hit rock bottom, then He is the rock which I will fall on. my life in safe hands.

***

Responsibility - whether in the army or not - is never pleasant, but its something we all grow up to accept and handle. Some take it up later in their life compared to others, but to shun responsibility is the most silly thing in life. How are you ever going to do great things in life without responsibility and self discipline?

When I see some people in camp, I'm just disgusted by how they lack responsibility for even their own selves. It's not like they're taking up responsibility for the platoon or anyone else. Just. their. own. miserables. selves. Is it honestly that hard? - I find myself asking that over and over again.

Actually, I do understand their situation, because when your life has no direction or vision or goals, responsibility is nothing more than a thorn in the flesh. Hindering and impeding you from gratifying yourself, satisfying your craving for fun and pleasure. Ultimately, when I was going through depression, I found myself in the shoes of these exact same people who are irritating me.

And as much as I am irritated by these people, I find myself empathising with them - oxymoronic as that may seem. I guess that is a good thing all together; it is easier to understand them and treat them with love and respect. And that is the best thing to have come out of the black wave that is depression that I went through before.

Really, God works in mysterious ways.

I do not get angry easily but this makes my blood boil....

2006-01-14T22:58:00.000+08:00

Man U 1 - Man City 3

Still Alive

2006-01-10T15:00:00.000+08:00

It's been a long while since I've blogged but I just want to let all you wonderful people know...

I'm alive and kicking!

The new year is still starting off with a crawl, and not much as been happenning for me. Since you lot have been a wonderful bunch of faithful readers, I shall let you guys know what i've been up to -- and in the process remove yet another layer of my mask of annonymity. :D

Ok, if you must know, I'm actually serving my national service now. (almost going to ORD loh! less than 3 months!) The past few months saw me in a brand new (but not so new now) unit as a high ranking officer's Personal assistant, although I'm originally supposed to go for a Signal course. The time has come, and so after getting someone to replace me, I've went for my course!

It's another 7 more weeks to the end of the course. Every day seems long now because I'm so eagerly anticipating the exhilarating feeling of getting my pink IC back and embracing the full privileges (and rights! - which you don't get in the army) of being a civilian! I've been awfully blessed to be in this camp; the people have been wonderful, and my old friend Daniel is an officer there.

So, you ask how it's like in camp these days. All's well - the Signals course is a very academic-based course. It's filled with theory and practical lessons, with some live outfield exercises to come. I'm kind of conflicted when it comes to the physical activity (or lack of) because while I am lazy to exercise sometimes, I still think it's important and I love to keep fit. Anyhow, I figure I can probably do all the exercise I want after my course, so it's probably the least of my worries.

One troubling thing down here in my course is my coursemates' lack of initiative, and not to mention their pessimistic disposition. It's like, they see the worse of everything and complain non stop about different kinds of things. Ok, so it doesn't apply to everyone, but certainly to quite a few of them. Not a boost to the morale, that's for sure. Since I'm the highest ranked in my platoon, I'm made the course IC, and it's so annoying how they're all like, "oh, this one ar, ask Raymond lor" or "or Raymond will know so he'll do" and that kind of crap. If I knew everthing, i wouldn't be going for the darn course anymore!

So there're a few people who annoy me, but some of them simultaneously amuse me as well. Let's see:

The Complain King. Aslo known as Mr Complain by the others. This guy is so irritating, I'd pay to listen to William Hung screeching away rather than this guy's complains. Words of discontentment and complaining roll off his tongue too fast, too furious, with the force of a freaking bullet train! Every sentence of his is interspersed with a 'f***" or "c******" and other hokkien vulgarities. In fact, he complains so much, my mind can take a detour and when I finally get back to listening to him, he's still in full ranting mode. Also, his vocabulary seems extremely limited. Limited to basically 3 words. "****". "****" and "*******". How absolutely delightful to listen to. He's a generally ok guy to get along with, but still unbearably annoying. Daniel, if you're reading this, you know him. He was from your department!

Oh, and if you think sexists and racists are prejudiced and suscribe to stereotypes, wait till you see this Complain King. I've never seen prejudice epitomised before this guy came along. Basically, people to this guy can be grouped into 2 categories. Either you're a f***ker, or you're a nice person. As far as I'm concerned, it's hard to be classified under the latter category, because most of the time he calls people by the former. And for reasons as simple as scolding him once. I wonder what the army is turning into now.

I can only say this to The Complain King: if you've nothing positive to say,

Just shut up!

The 3 Slacker Musketeers They should pursue a career in acting right after they ORD because they have amazing skills especially when right in front of the medical officer. I wonder how such blatant "skiving" could be overlooked by the medical officer who instead offer them Excuses from marching, from heavy loads, from physical activity etc. The most ridiculous incident was this guy reporting sick for having 'asthma and chest pain' but was smoking the very exact day after he came back from the medical officer!

The Einstein Buddies They seem to have an insatiable hunger for knowledge. During lessons, they're wide awake taking down notes when most of our heads are already like little rafts - rocking sideways and back and forth. Yes, it's hard to stay awake during lessons! But these guys go on full Energizer Bunny mode and conscientiously copy down notes during all the lessons. Actually I prefer to think of them as 'gancheong spiders', but still I say Kudos for them for putting in effort and striving hard to do well.

Yeah, you meet really interesting people while in the army. All sorts of different people, from different walks of life. Sometimes you like them, sometimes they drive you mad, but we still must love them and tolerate them right? Because it makes life in camp so much easier - just getting by with them, and not letting anger or any hatred consume you. I guess Jesus must have really know what He meant when He said to love your neighbour as yourself. Actually all my coursemates have been great to me, and I think I've been great to them as well. But still I don't think it'll be easy to survive another 7 weeks being in the same bunk as Complain King. He's gonna drive me nuts! Oh Lord, help me!

When the New Year Didn't Seem So Great

2006-01-02T04:36:00.000+08:00

Years back, I remember I was going through this extremely bad bout of depression that lasted for about one and a half years, and I clearly remember the horrible feelings and thoughts that came with it. I wasn't the just-broke-up-with-stead-and-want-to-commit-suicide kinda depressed - that is actually more symptomatic of female depression - but I was in the kind of depression where things didn't seem to matter. Nothing seemed significant; every moment passing was just another moment I had to get through.

People often say you had to die before you get to hell; that goes without saying, though the route to heaven would be a lot more desired. Not that any normal person would want to go the actual hell, but I remember back then, life didn't seem so much more promising than hell. No prospect of change, no prospects of progress whatsoever.

Just getting past the moment. Moment. After. Moment. That was hell. Facing the pressures of the next day. taking up the responsibilities of the present. It all seemed... crazy.

And I remember during that dark period, the new year didn't even seem such a joyous occasion anymore. I've never really thought highly of the occasion itself - after all, it's just a new year! Big deal. During that time, it was just like "oh great, another new year has come and more trouble has arrived".

How I got out of the hellhole that is depression is another story all together, but it's amazing how I don't resent New Year's Day nor treat it like some abomination anymore. I still detest the meaningless Happy New Year wishes that I get from everyone, especially people I don't know and would just rather they shut up so that I don't have to reciprocrate out of courtesy and waste my energy saying that 3 words out loud.

This year I ended 2005 really suckily. I started 2006 kinda badly too. but no point looking back, especially on our past mistakes and failures. This year round, I have visions and goals set in place for me to strive to achieve. I know it's going to be a great year ahead.

I hope all of you will leave the baggage of 2005 behind and step into a brave new world. :D

GRRRR

2005-12-29T21:49:00.000+08:00

What the hell?! I was at my cousin's housewarming party on saturday, and his mother (my aunt) gave me 2 CDs as my Christmas present. The first was Twin Cinema by The New Pornographers, and Get Behind Me Satan by the White Stripes. I had already earlier opened the Twin Cinema album to take a listen to it.

When I reached my cousin's house, I left both CDs in a plastic bag and left it on his table, in his room. I soon proceeded to use his computer after that, since he asked me to help him take over his game of Dota. One would of course think the table is a safe place to put your CD, considering it is your cousin's room after all. But after my cousin took it out once to inspect it, and put it back, it mysteriously disappeared after I got off from the computer.

I only had my Twin Cinema album left in my plastic bag. Bloody freaking hell. I searched high and low for it but still couldn't find. I asked my cousins to find their bags but still it was nowhere to be found.

Then I remembered I was alone in the room with my cousin's cousin (in other words, my distant relative) at one point of time. And since I was so engrossed in the computer game, he might have took advantage of the moment to steal it away. It may be bad or presumptious of me to jump to such conclucsions, but the circumstances point to that scenario I'm having in my head.

BAH!!! WHOEVER STOLE MY CD, MAY MAGGOTS EAT UP YOUR FLESH!!! MORON!

Now We Wait the New Year

2005-12-28T11:52:00.000+08:00

Christmas just whizzed by me this year. Blink an eye, PooF! and it's gone. Then again, that's pretty much the case every year isn't it?

I'm not sure if I did do anything significant this year. Afterall, you don't call Christmas shopping and present exchanging activities of much significance right?

I actually kind of regretted not writing enough cards to send out to my friends, especially those in my church. I got so caught up in frantically finding gifts for people and myself that I actually forgot the one most genuine way to show my appreciation for others. I in return, received a huge pile of cards! The feeling is just great; to read about the wonderful things a person has to say to you, to let you know your significance in his/her life.

All the same, sometimes I just can't shake off this intense sense of loneliness while its Christmas. Is there something wrong with me?

Christmas Crowds

2005-12-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates and not catching up with my blog reading. Dota addiction is a major impediment and deterrent from me engaging in any blogging related activities. But since Marilyn has bugged me to update, this post is half obligatory, half voluntary. :D

I sometimes wonder the whole idea of Christmas.

To Christians, it is one of the most reverred and anticipated occasions in the entire year. Obviously, it doesn't take a genius to realize that it's the day of celebration on which Christ was born. As such, to people who believe in Him, it's natural there will be some joy that comes along with the occasion, because we're reminded of Christ's sacrifice for mankind.

But I'll save the preaching to the choir.

It's just that in the past few years, I've always felt upset, even mildly repulsed, that people all over the world are celebrating Christmas, and yet do not believe in Christ. Non-Christians are all partaking in the tangible Christmas spirit - a practice that was once oxymoronic - and are in a perpetual celebratory mood during this whole festive season. Merry making, mindless fun, flagrant gluttony, etc.

It's just weird to me why people would want to celebrate Christmas when they're not Christians. It's ok to be in a festive mood, since this is about the end of the year and the new year is about to start, and of course the oft self-delusionary conceptions of new beginnings in the coming new year are the predominant thoughts/sentiments on the minds of people, when often change is determinant on hard work and not whether the new year has started.

As ms beautifuk mentioned, it is totally ridiculous for non Christians to celebrate Christmas, with a rationale along the lines of "Chinese do not celebrate Deepavali, so non-Christians should not celebrate Christmas too".

I think that's rather true, though I'm not in complete agreement. I think its normal to feel cheery and all perked up during the festive season, but to celebrate Christmas without a belief in, or ignorance of its true meaning would be a little weird. If you really wanted gift exchanges, you could have carried out out any time in the year!!! RIDICULOUS!

I'm just praying people will actually start to celebrate Christmas for what it truly is, and understand its real significance, so it doesn't just become a blatant excuse for one to engage in hedonistic behaviour and licentious, overly self-indulgent lifestyles.

These few years, I have my fair share of great presents from my relatives, so I shall not complain too much anyway. But no matter what I receive, it just doesn't seem to compare to the best gift in the whole world - that comes from above, which I'm reminded of everytime time Christmas comes.

****

Christmas crowds are a serious nightmare. Throngs of people pounding the streets, vehemently and relentlessly scouring shop after shop for presents for friends and family, and of course, themselves.

Too much attention is being given on the presents given. It's like the giving of presents has been conflated with the true purpose of Christmas. The presents are an indication on the giver's part that the receiver is important to him to some degree. But why not just a nice thanksgiving message? I believe sincere, handwritten words sometimes speak more than routine present giving.

I'm going out tomorrow to complete my last minute shopping. HELL NO WAY I AM GOING TO GET STUCK IN THE CROWDS! I have to rush down to the mall in the morning, lest the shops are splling with customers. Kiasu-ism runs in my veins i guess.

Last but not least, to all the Christians

Merry Christmas!

And Goodwill to all men!

The Chronicles of Narnia and X-men 3

2005-12-11T23:31:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling rather exhausted these couple of days, hence the lack of blogging related activities. But last I checked, I got both Tomorrow-ed and Miyagi-ed, though the latter quoted me as The Rogue Slayer, when I was actually posting through Mr Moron, not that it actually matters. I think my whole Jekyll and Hyde thing isn't really working anymore, since I'm pretty much being myself when I'm blogging these days. And anyhow, this blog doesn't show the name of the person posting, so I guess it's hard to check the blogger putting up the post.

So thank you all readers for boosting up my rather pathetic readership to a slightly more decent but nonetheless still pathetic figure. Haha! Then again, I'm not complaning! Baby steps!

I'm going to post something about Lee Kuan Yew's interview with Time magazine sometime soon, but I'll leave you with the uber uber cool facts about The Chronicles of Narnia today:

1. The most important thing to know: author C.S. Lewis was a famous atheist-turned-Christian, and "The Chronicles of Narnia" - particularly the best-known "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" - are widely considered an allegory portraying themes of God, crucifixion and resurrection.

2. There's a reason you'd want to keep your "Narnia" books on the shelf next to the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien were pals and met regularly at a British pub as part of a writers group that spawned both classics.

3. The seven "Narnia" books were originally released in nonchronological order, with the book depicting the creation of Narnia, "The Magician's Nephew," coming in as Book 6. The series was later re-released in chronological order, but diehard fans say it's not the best way to read them.

4. If the movie is a hit, there likely will be a collective clambering to take the six other books onto the silver screen; still, there are some who believe that won't happen because of descriptions of a neighboring country to Narnia in the book, "The Horse and His Boy," that some consider to be anti-Arab.

5. Skandar Keynes, the boy who plays Edmund, auditioned for the possibly career-making role without his parents' permission. They'd left on a trip to Japan, leaving Keynes in the care of his grandfather and with explicit instructions for him not to audition for any roles while they were gone. However, the casting director conspired with Keynes and the head of Keynes' school to coax Grandpa into agreeing to the tryout. We'll assume the young actor wasn't grounded.

6. The film was shot chronologically for many reasons, not the least of which was that it starred four growing kids. During filming, William Moseley (Peter) grew about 3 inches, Anna Popplewell (Susan) grew half an inch, Keynes skyrocketed 5 1/ 2 inches (plus a voice change), and Georgie Henley (Lucy) grew four inches.

7. The wardrobe used in the movie was specially carved with elements of the Narnia mythology as played out in the book "The Magician's Nephew," including references to The Wood Between the Worlds, Fledge the winged horse and the first sunrise.

[via Narnia Fans]

And now, even more juicy than that, teasers for X men 3!!

Watch the trailer here.

It is so good, you're gonna faint from joy after watching it. And you're gonna pee in your pants while waiting for the trailer to load up in your browser.

Some fast facts:

1) Halle Berry's back as Storm! And with a new uber cool hairdo to boot.

2) New Mutant on the block -- The Beast. He's a friendly big burly blue mutant scientist. A good mutant.

3) Famke Jannsen. Her Royal Hotness is back!

4) besides the beast, there're a few other new mutants too. For example, Juggernaut, the evil mutant will be in the coming movie, although he looks nothing like the cartoon version.

I'm already salivating now in excitement!

Holy crap! -- Singapore Idol is Coming Back To Our Television Screens!

2005-12-06T22:23:00.000+08:00

The bombshell got dropped on me a few days ago on the bus, while I was watching TV Mobile.

Horror of horrors - Singapore Idol is back.

Actually, that can only mean one thing for me : lots of bitching sessions over the contestants of the show, as well and mindless rantings on the blog.

I think its no secret that the talent on our local version of the Idol show is absolutely abysmal (I'm channelling some Simon Cowell here). In fact, I think William Hung doesn't even seem too bad as compared to some of the contestants (though some of them aren't even there to compete, but rather to whore for attention) on the show.

I was a volunteer on the crew for Singapore Idol last year. I helped out in the ushering and some crowd control during the first few rounds of the auditions, and on one of the days I was a runner to a producer on the show. I've actually seen some things happening behind the scenes which actually totally changed my view on the nature of reality shows. the fact is that bias is very much a huge part of the nature of the show, especially in the early rounds, where producers' opinions actually mean almost as much as the judges' themselves.

Well I didn't get anything for volunteering for the crew (read: cheap labour), except having our meals provided, and 2 free t-shirts with the 'Singapore Idol' logo on them. I actually did it more in the name of fun. Of course, fun was what it was because I got to see all the horrendous auditions and laugh myself silly.

I only stopped laughing when I realized there were actually some terrible ones that actually got through to the semi-s, and subsequently, the final 12 too.

Judging from the (rather unwarranted) success of a certain contestant in the 1st season of Singapore Idol, my now retired co-blogger Marilyn has come up with marilyn and berton's (that's her friend's name) surefire way to make it big on singapore idol checklist!

* go into the contest with *no* knowledge of how to smile. =) (opps.. not supposed to smile) =]

* when the judges (especially ken lim) states that you've got the same problem as him, make a weak attempt to twitch your lips and wink at the audience (*look ma! i *know* how to smile! =D )

* try to rock and screech your way through the song. it doesn't matter if you messed it up since your smile =) will ensure the votes rolling in for you.

* mess up your diction. like, "kiss" for "keeesh" and "everybody" for "every money". your cult would totally adore it. (come to think of it, so would the rest of the world. quaint huh?)

*appear in the competition with hair dyed in the colours of the rainbows. it would be best if you appear like a cute shiz-tsu puppy one night and a black labrador the next. you're cute, you're lovable, you're VOTABLE.

and don't forget to smile. =)

there you go. all the wannabes, just follow my checklist religiously and you're on your road to stardom!

I'm not boycotting the show next year, in case you think I was going to. No, it's way too much entertainment and amusement for me to pass off like this. I can't make do without all the constipated expressions, screechy voices, and inane comments from judges for too long - once the show starts, it becomes the constant dose of humour and amusement I await in anticipation for every week. Of course, if you're asking me if I'm crazy enough to vote like 100 times for some (mostly) talentless wannabe, then you're sorely mistaken.

To end it off, I leave you with a letter Marilyn wrote last year in sheer frustration -- it never fails to crack me up!

dear members of the sylvester cult:

please go hang yourself/ jump off a building/ take an overdose of sleeping pills/ ________ (insert other modes of commiting suicide)*. a termination of the most obvious sign(s) of your brainlessness/ deafness/ blindness/ bad taste* is most appreciated and beneficial to the survival of the human race.

* circle where applicable

your sincerely,
marilyn
president of the anti-moronic-over-talentless-singers club
(membership open to whoever wants to join)

brainless morons who squeal and faint over their idol (aka those who only look good and can't sing aka F4, energy, the list of tuneless boybands goes on...) should just go and brainwash themselves or something.. rid themselves of these trash and get started on something more purposeful, such as learning to keep quiet.

i realise i've been ranting alot about entertainment unlike those inspiring blogs which actually comment on political issues with a touch of class. well.. i may or may not venture into that really vast area called politics but that shall have to wait till my exams are over. till then, ta~

p/s: if any boyband fans want to shoot me for dissing their sacred idol(s) please feel free to flood my e-mail inbox (the email is real just in case you are skeptical. go ahead and try. i just don't want to give my main e-mail address out just in case i have to block an influx of moronic e-mails..) i'm interested in seeing whether you guys have a brain. don't bother trying to trash me if all you can say is "omg you suck cos you hate my wonderful idol sylvester/boyband/whoever", cos you're just proving my point. (amen to the genius who created the delete button.) once sent, your letter will become my property which i would have no qualms using to show the entire world your stupidity or your rare spark of intelligence. have a nice day.

To Eternity and Beyond

2005-12-02T18:52:00.000+08:00

Goodbye, La Idler. After following your blog for about a year now, you've parted from our lives in the most abrupt of ways.

And yet, because of your blog, you'll be forever immortalized in ways.

I don't really mourn the passing of people in general; life goes on whether a baby dies in the rubbish dump or not a hundred thousand people die in a hurricane or tsunami. But you have made a subtle impact in my life - your zest for life as seen from your posts, and charming wit, has rubbed off on me a little.

Even from your 'about me' section, I was already a little drawn to your blog. I guess from your posts, you certainly did show yourself to have lots of character -though it would be pretentious to claim to know you just from your blog- especially during that little tussle with the other Tomorrow editors which resulted in a short-lived departure from tomorrow.sg.

It's ironic how only in your passing did we get to see that face behind that online persona. And I say it suits your bubbly, feisty personality just fine.

We'll miss you.

it's not gonna be easy to go back to mediocrity now...

Why Do People Watch Oprah Winfrey?

2005-11-29T14:17:00.000+08:00

Just this past sunday, 2 days ago, one of the most memorable, remarkable episodes of Oprah Winfrey went on air on Starworld (in Singapore, but probably on other networks for other countries). This episode was a timely breath of fresh air, taking a deviation from the standard sit-you-down-on-a-couch-and-talk-till-you-drop format.

On the latest episode, talk show extraordinaire and household personality Oprah Winfrey was grilling celebrities like Sarah Jessica Parker and Orlando Bloom as to where their favourite hangouts are. It was really refreshing to see the 'human' side of the celebrities, hanging out at their favourite hangouts, having fun and all, instead of the usually larger than life personalities we often see on tabloid magazines and gossip columns.

Personally, I barely ever watch Oprah Winfrey. Not before this. And part of me just doesn't get the whole concept and purpose of talk shows anyway.

Are people watching her talk show so that they can learn from the woes of others and gain invaluable wisdom? Are they generally trying to glean invaluable nuggets of knowledge from the unpleasant experiences of others? And are they genuinely trying to empathise with the women/couples who go on to her talk show?

Or perhaps, the audiences are simply trying to forget themselves in the pain of others. It's like one big pity party - couples going on air to voice their problems and rant about their dysfunctional marriages, which let's not discredit them, takes courage to do so, and audiences watching on with furrowed eyebrows and scrunched faces, trying to empathise with their pain and misery - everyone seems to be taking consolation in one another.

It kind of disgusts me knowing that people seem to revel in hearing the pain and problems of others on air, not in a schadenfreude way of course, but rather in lowering themselves to the point whereby relief is obtained in comparing plights with others. But then again, I guess it's just all very human ; we all don't want to be alone. When we're going through the valley of the shadow of death, we want to know brimstone and hellfire isn't just raining down on us alone. We want to know there are others going through what we are going through, and perhaps sharing in this solidarity of pain and struggle, we might obtain courage and strength to somehow break free of our shackles.

Still, I don't quite understand those who actually appear on talk shows to voice their woes. Why would anyone want to recover their (often painful) past anyway? These same people who appear on talk shows like Oprah Winfrey's, put themselves through the torture of reliving their past on air - something not much better than hell itself - in the hope that this time, the outcome would be different from the disappointment that life generally turned out to be.

They do it in the hope that they will be liberated and freed from emotional bondages, thinking that mustering up the courage to bare their hurts to the world will actually erase the pain of the past.

Perhaps it works - I'm not an expert in Psychology - but it's something I'd never put myself through. The wounds in my life have scabbed, and scarred, and I do not want to reopen them again.

****

Oh anyway, I'm now officially addicted to Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream! Thanks to the influence of Hungry Bunny and lynn!

And it's been more than a week since the passing of the news of Keano's departure, but I'm still in shock. Anyhow, I'll still always keep the faith in them.

A bona fide Red Devils Legend George Best recently passed away, at 59. Ain't soccer players supposed to live longer lives?

It's Weird...

2005-11-24T00:46:00.000+08:00

When you take a break from blogging because you're exhausted, and swear off blogging-related activities for a while, all of a sudden you feel this obsessive, compulsive need pen down all the unusual sights you encounter and vague thoughts doggedly intruding upon your mind.

I guess this world's a little too crazy to me - it's impossible for me to keep my silence for long.

I didn't quite accomplish the tasks I set out to do in the previous week - who was I kidding anyway? I was simply being overly ambitious wanting to do so many things in such a short span of time. I did catch up a little bit on my book, but besides that, this little sabbatical of mine wasn't exactly what I'd call constructive. then again, breaks are meant for resting and recovery, not pushing yourself to get things done right?

Yet, I've managed to recollect many thoughts and I'll subsequently try to elucidate them in some coherent manner on this blog. the biggest thought I had was, why wasn't I blogging about my friends, my church mates and my faith enough?

Because no one would want to read about them. The internal conflict has been oppressing me for weeks. Revert back to bona fide Moronic style and rant about the world non stop or start to become more personal on my blog.

Later I realized: heck it. I'm not particularly famous a blogger, I wouldn't lose many readers (not that i have many to begin with) by adopting a more personal approach on my blog.

I realized the primary reason why Christians don't retaliate when the Christian mockers (and let's face it, there're plenty of them) comes up with derogatory comments of posts to mock the faith.

I believe it's not because we're scared to stand up for our faith. Au contrairie, I believe it's because we're strong. Strong enough to withstand the insults and slanders and sit back smug, knowing that we're not gonna be the ones losing in the end. Knowing that starting some great intellectual debate on existence of God is really rather a waste of time; we'll never be able to convince the great intellectuals because the debate will essential end in a stalement.

When you believe in God as much as some militant Atheists disbelieve in Him, you'll probably smug and secure enough not to go around imposing your faith unto other people. even more unlikely is the petty need to retaliate and get into bitter diatribes over God and faith and religion etc.

So yeah, I'm sitting back on my chair, smug as ever.

Lazy

2005-11-17T23:17:00.000+08:00

I've to put blogging related activities on hold for the time being because

1) I'm reading blogs so much that the moment I reach home, I switch on my computer, even before stripping off my socks and dumping them into the laundry basket.

2) I'm consciously thinking of ideas for blog posts wherever I go, and my mind generates exaggerated scenarios based on mildly unusual happenings around me.

3) I've got almost 4 books demanding my attention, with a 5th book ( a collection of local plays, ordered from Popagandhi coming my way.)

4) blog surfing may be a new addiction of mine. Not unlike the other variations and forms of addictions, blog surfing is potentially unhealthy and hazardous too.

5) No one's going to whip up a "GET BACK QUICK SOON" banner for me, or even put it down in my comments, much unlike Xiaxue's loyal legions of largely adolescent readers.

6) There will be no mourning of my quick passing and brief hiatus, so it'll be easier for me to go on break. No more blogging from sheer obligation to gratify readers.

And so, here's what I've resolved to start doing in the next 1 week of blogging break:

1) Catch Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire.

2) Finish the books I've set out to read. I've reading a book, Behind The Moon, by a Chinese author. Following that, I'll proceed to complete Memoirs of A Geisha and The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.

Do not say I'm only reading those for the sake of reading because their movie adaptations are coming out. I've finished the entire Chronicles of Narnia in Primary school, mind you. I've also read part of Memoirs of a Geisha way before news of it being adapted into a screenplay was proliferated around the world. But I was doing my GCE 'A' levels back then, and had simply no time to complete it.

3) Sign up for Electone classes again.

4) Brush up on my hokkien and Cantonese for the sake of easy communication with the elderly! For those not in the know, I'm actually a volunteer under a social services assocation and I visit some poor elderly in a district every week.

for a gentang like me, communication with these elderly is a bitch. not because it bores me talking to them - I genuinely love every one of them and its that love that keeps me going - but its almost impossible to engage in something even remotely close to a meaningful conversation if my knowledge of hokkien is so limited.

5) Finish watching my Angel season 5 DVDs!

All right peeps, wish me luck so that I can set out to complete these tasks!

Your mother is so fat, that when she jumps, she wil get stuck! Thank you!

2005-11-15T01:07:00.000+08:00

That was a Russell Peters classic line by the way. I've got really crazy friends who love imitating him and trying to perfect their every intonation of words till they achieve a flawless Russell Peters faux Honkey accent. Which is weird, since I didn't think he was really famous. I've never even heard of him before till this year.

On another note, I think my regular blogders (however few of you) will notice I've been posting lots of disjointed posts lately, kind of in true Balderdash! fashion. But hey, if Gabriel's a freaking genius (read: top boys school and junior college, and USP scholar) and posts disjointed, sometimes nonsensical content (ergo the name of his blog), I guess me blogging these senseless stuff would qualify me to be in the league of extraordinary geniuses.

I wanted to do a post on why I don't believe in sports heroes and why I am not crazy over any particular sports team, but I was so happy that Manchester United beat Chelsea some time ago that I just could not bring myself to blog that out because I'd feel a tad hypocritical. That said, I like Manchester United, but I'm not one of those wasted, footloose, hippie nutcases that spends all his time searching out Manchester United related news and his nights at bars drinking and watching soccer matches, and end up not doing anything constructive.

So I just decided to pop by to add in some random thoughts of mine. First, the whole Dawn Yeo thing is just going off the roof, because everyone's scampering to do a post on her and adding their 2 cents worth, even though most of them know they're either just reiterating what others have stated before previously or stating the obvious.

Call me stoic, apathetic, indifferent, like a stone, whatever; the whole controversy just doesn't rouse an iota of my interest.

I think its mainly because I believe no one should give a damn as to whether she did go under the knife before, because woopee! that makes her one of the thousands who have? I mean, her before and after pictures aren't even as spectacular as those on Extreme Makeoever. I think the important point is that she lied and we feel cheated.

Or not. It's more like, she lied, people are jealous of her, so they decided to expose her and make a big fuss out of the fact that she lied, because they're saints and have never lied to anyone before. Yes, she is so horrible that she went under the knife, told a lie publicly. Or not.

It's actually the utter maliciousness, jealousy and bitchiness of people jumping on Dawn's back crying bloody murder that disgusts me even more than one lie.

Having said that, kudos to Gabriel for exposing her, because I believe the public deserves to know the truth at all times.

madly, truly, deeply

2005-11-13T00:40:00.000+08:00

I can honestly say that I am madly, truly, deeply obsessed with Jessica alba.

Did you guys see Her Royal Yumminess on the Tiger Beer advertisement? The splendificlous glorificous (sorry about the absurd words, her countenance has a spellbindingly strong effect on me such that one loses the ability for proper spelling) beauty on the advertisement for a local beer!! We Singaporeans DO have hope!

she looks so hot inside it. Then again, she looks hot anywhere.

***

Sorry about not leaving comments on you guys' blogs for such a long time. My internet connection was down this past week, so any blog-related activity was confined to pathetically short periods of usage on internet terminals. I still read your blogs but right now, I'm way too lazy to post comments. Give me some time before I rouse myself from my perpetual jessica-alba-fantasizing induced lull.

***

This past week I finally bumped into someone I actually wanted to meet -- my primary school teacher Miss Lam! She taught me for 4 consecutive years from Primary 3 - Primary 6. Strict as she was, she was one figure of authority whom I dearly loved and respected although at times I thought her to be the ~~queen bitch of the universe~~ overly harsh disciplinarian.

I saw her from afar; called out her name, my little yell rising above the cacophony of conversation swirling in a maelstrom of noise, and she responded with a surprised reply.

"Raymond?"

My my. It's certainly shocking to know that a teacher you've not seen in almost 8 years remembers your name so clearly. I in my confounded state just asked her: "you remember me?"

Turns out I was one of only two pairs of twins she's ever thought, thus the vivid memories. Guess being a twin does have its perks after all. And perhaps the mischief and trouble we've wreaked in class might have helped in reinforcing our impressions upon her life.

We chatted, and caught up, and I was pleasantly refreshed to have a conversation from someone from my past. blast from the past, but a pleasant one, you might say. I hope she's proud of my brother and I for making it to the university. After all, after all these years, she's still the teacher I so dearly respect.

It's one of those rare days, when lady lucky's a friend, and people who've left footprints in your heart comes back to leave more profound imprints in your life, when ,for once, you're meeting someone you're not inclined to instinctively avoid, but to simply talk and share, while time freezes still all around you.

I'm a Geek and Proud Of It

2005-11-07T15:31:00.001+08:00

It's no hidden fact that I am a geek. You can throw me 2 options : either to go clubbing with friends or stay home playing Warcraft 3 or reading the papers - and it's no mystery which I will choose. (Certainly, that didn't prove much of a difficult choice, considering I never really liked clubbing.)

Certainly, I don't look like a geek. Well I'm not well endowed with the features of a Greek god, but that certainly doesn't make me a Austin Powers too.

Most people do not realize I'm a geek because they seldom see through the facade I put on and neither do they really bother getting to know me on a deeper level. I guess one sign you know that you know me a little better than the rest is that if you know i like reading, or if I openly admit that i'm a nerd at heart. :P

but for any of my friends out there, or blogders-who-will-become-friends eventually, it's no big cause for concern. Let's say I'm not a pure-blood geek? In fact, I'm quite an ambivalent one to boot. I attend lots of concerts, hang out quite a lot with my friends, and I'm not out-of-touch and disengaged from the world as to commit atrocious fashion faux pas, like going out in with shirts buttoned to the collars and tucked into my pants or jeans. there's no reason to alienate me.

Because I'm a perfectly normal human - and thank God most of my friends realize that, despite my unusually high tendencies to start discussing about psychological, sociological and political issues. If I see that you're of the like mind as mine, its inevitable our conversations will naturally gravitate towards something of a more intellectual or deeper nature. Be it politics, philosophy, Buffy! or God, i love having a good conversation with people.

Exalting myself by showing off knowledge isn't really my thing though, that's why I don't go around talking about all these 'cheem' things all the time. In fact, though I love talking about such things, as I said, I'll only do it if you're of a similar mind who appreciates things like this. And it's nothing wrong not to, because everyone has different interests. Don't expect me to talk about Bertrand Russell's mumbo jumbo essays to a person whose daily cognitive activity is restricted to obsessing over the beauty of Thierry Henry's goal.

So yeah, I love playing computer games, blogging, spending the precious days of my lives on the internet. I love reading, the newspapers, or fiction, or Time magazine or the Bible.

And however potentially hazardous to my perception of self identity, I also enjoy very non-geeky (stereotypically speaking) activities like occasionally going for concerts, trawling the streets with my friends for good buys, body combat classes and football matches with my family.

I don't do much beer-guzzling, or pubbing, clubbing or partying, not because I think it's a waste of time (which i do, but so is playing computer games, right?), but rather because it's just not something I'm very inclined to do anyway. But it's not like I think it makes me less 'happening' because you know what? I think geeks are way freaking cool.

I am a geek and I absolutely love it.

Do You Have a Long Middle Leg?

2005-11-02T20:23:00.000+08:00

This photograph depicts a men's restroom at a Sofitel (a chain of 5-star hotels operated by Accor Hotels) in Queenstown, New Zealand, which has attracted a fair bit of interest and commotion:

Five star hotels are normally famous for their opulence and their design but the new $45 million Sofitel in Queenstown is gaining notoriety for its little boys room.

It has brought the hotel a couple of complaints from church goers and a couple of hundred people wanting to take a look.

It's the most popular room in the five star hotel.

In recent years businesses such as restaurants and hotels have tried to "liven up" their public restrooms with catchy or unusual decor, many of which play on our expectations of privacy while engaging in bathroom-related functions. A favorite set-up is to install mirrored glass panels around the urinals in men's rooms that allow restroom patrons to view the crowds milling around the adjacent restaurant or hotel lobby and create the impression that those crowds can see into the restroom as well. (In fact, the panels are mirrored on the outside, so all the restaurant or hotel customers see are their own.

The clever artwork around the urinals in the men's restroom pictured above plays not only on our fears of being observed (particularly by members of the opposite sex) in the bathroom, but also on specifically male fears of having the size of their "equipment" viewed and judged by women — especially women who, as in this case, are evidently well-prepared to measure, photograph, and poke fun at "equipment" they deem to be inadequately sized.

****

It's funny how we males are sometimes at the losing end of a never-ending gender war. I mean sure, there are many companies where males still predominantly take up all the positions of power, but females are increasingly competitive and more and more are climbing up the corporate ladder, carving out a successful career for themselves.

Anyhow, I find the whole bullshitty length of penis= level of masculinity absolutely bollocks. And guess what, everyone knows its bollocks too. But somehow, for some reason or another, that kinda dumb stereotype is so ingrained in our mindsets, entrenched into our culture, we can't seem to discard that mentality.

Really, I think the concept that a male's worth and masculinity being based on the length of what's behind his pants absolutely crippling -- not because I've got a small one (in which case even if its true I'll never admit it)-- because it is something you can never change. And i know you guys are thinking about those penis enlargement treatments, but seriously my theory is that what grows in lengths shrinks in width, so I don't want to have a very long chopstick like penis because it's absolutely useless in sex.

And I also think that whole concept was first perpetrated by feminists who want to get back at males, for reasons too many to be named.

To forgive is to Forget.

2005-10-27T23:26:00.000+08:00

The age old adage goes "to forgive is to forget" -- or not, because I've never heard anyone say that except for my pastor.

Honestly, I don't know how true that statement is. We can certainly forgive without forgetting, right?

I've forgiven many people. Many times. Grit my teeth and told myself to let everything go because at the end, it's me that's at the losing end - hatred does eat away at you slowly but surely.

People have brushed me off the wrong way more than once, and I've been wronged many times. But in the end, I will - and always - forgive them, not least because i am motivated my religious conviction.

Then again, it's never really easy to forget. I mean, a sure sign of forgiving is if you're willing to go the extre mile to try to forget. But then again, if something has scarred you so obviously to the extent you regard the act as a trespassing on someone else's part, then it's never easy to get it out of your head. This Christian here has prayed many times regarding forgiveness, but God never waved a magic wand to take away all my memories.

While it is not possible to "make" yourself forget, it is, I believe, possible to make yourself make it not matter anymore; you know, like say, in the way how no one really cares what the heck Janet Jackson does anymore .

Some overly-pragmatic people will go: " Why is holding a grudge such a bad thing? Not all things are worthy of forgiveness" . And even if we forgive it, or at least *forget* it, do you still have to be nice to people who wronged you? Doesn't that just give them the IN they need to wrong you again?

But life's too short to hold on to all that baggage. I'm just into my 20s and there's a ton of skeletons in my closet to clear. Imagine, how by the time I'm 50, if I'd made the erroneous choice not to forgive, the emotional baggage I'm carry (or dragging) on myself must be weighing more than a freaking bulldozer. And I'm not one who wants to die prematurely of a sudden cardiac arrest. It's not worth it being a slave to hatred because it'll just be an impediment to our progress - in our careers, in our personal growth, in our relationships etc.

Anyhow, the memories will not be washed away in an instant, but their power over my life can surely be dissipated. Like how painful memories dun make you flinch anymore. And how previously angry thoughts don't make you just want to strangle someone to death.

I guess in our life, we pay for everything. We have to deal with the consequences of our choices, and more importantly we have to deal with our past.

I can't change the past, and not even forget it, but I can - and will - use the memories to fuel my motivation to excel in the future. to use it as my trump card in the end.

And yes, often enough, our not-so-bright past can be turned around to become our advantage, our trump card, like say, how most of the social workers for deliquent juveniles were also once former gangsters, using their own past experiences to counsel the deliquents.

Yeah, God certainly works in mysterious ways.

Why I Sometimes Prefer to just Shut Up

2005-10-25T00:10:00.000+08:00

Singapore is an insanely tiny country. Some people prefer to challenge this claim and choose to think Singapore is actually a lot larger than we think it to be. But to me it's still tiny as an ant because no matter where I go, I meet people either I don't necessarily want to talk to or people I just don't feel like meeting.

Imagine me chilling to some good music or reading a book on the MRT or just generally stoning and zoning out and indulging in my daydreams and fantasies (non-sexual kind) during my bus rides. Then some acquaintance of mine boards the bus and proceeds to sit beside me or chat me up as if we were sworn brothers or something.

It sucks because I rather be by myself when I don't feel like talking. I'm not anti-social, at least not in the extreme, but I dislike talking to people I don't feel like talking with. I mean, I have my talk cock buddies like Kenneth and Dale, but sometimes silence to me is as purposeful and soothing and therapeutic as fun, idle jabber. I generally only talk a lot to people I either like, can clique with, or if they're really great people.

Next time any acquaintance drops by, I'd rather not oblige to engage in conversation because:

1. if he or she was so important in the first place we'd have kept in contact already via MSN or email or something

2. I find banal conversation infinitely emotionally draining.

3. I don't really like gossipping, and it seems the conversations with those friends i bump into tend to gravitate to bitching and slandering others, which i absolutely loathe.

Well, if you are one of those thatI'm more than happy to talk to, you'll be able to tell from my facial expressions and tone because I'll be smiling and talking chirpily. If i'm droning on like my former lit tutor Mr Y, then you know I'm not giving any thought into the conversation -- which is a telltale sign either I'm tired or lazy to engage in conversation, or simply that I don't really like you.

Also, I prefer to just shut up sometimes because:

1. I don't want to sound silly if I don't have anything to say.

2. Mindless conversations vaporize my brain cells more than anti-matter. (I read that line somewhere recently)

3. Silent is the new loud. I think being silent makes quite a 'loud' statement for yourself, no?

Too bad, as long as I'm living in Singa-tiny-pore, I'm doomed to suffer from these banal conversatons with long lost friends forever. "what are you doing now" or "where you working/studying at" or "what happen to XXX friend do you all stil keep in contact" blablablablabla boring old crap questions just drive me nuts. If we're truly comfortable with one another, the ability to be absolutely silent around one another is the surest confirmation of that.

Because Escape is Not an Option

2005-10-21T23:34:00.000+08:00

From the episode 'Orpheus' of Tv Series 'Angel':

Angel: Faith, get up!

Faith(in staggered breaths): Angel, I'm dying...

Angel: Yeah, it's a lot easier than redemption, huh?

....

Angel: I'm not perfect, Faith. even with a soul, I've done things I wished I could take back a thousand times....

And I thought I could make up for it by disappearing.

Faith: I did my time (in prison).

Angel: Our time is never up, Faith. We pay for everything.

Faith (in pain, both physical and emotional): It hurts.

Angel: I know. I know.

The above are the excerpt pieces of dialogue fro the episode of Angel that I meticulously jotted down on paper because I loved them so much. For the uninitiated... Faith is a rogue Vampire slayer, supposed to be a champion of good, who later on went on to murder two people, but although cold on the outside, she was literally breaking on the inside. And the only one who never gave up on her was Angel, the vampire with a soul (which basically means he's the only good vampire around), who never stopped atoning himself for the crimes he committed when his soul was absent from his body.

Those lines were amazingly resonant to me. I'm no former jailbird or cold blooded killer - hell, I don't even litter because I'm afraid of being fined- but I relate to the kind of pain Faith was facing. 2 things I would like to point out.

Angel did most of his crimes when he was devoid of a soul, a conscience. Yet when he had his soul back, it wasn't as if he has a brain transplant with an angel and suddenly became all Pope Alexander. He still did wrong things, made wrong choices - ones that he made rationally, with perfect knowledge of the consequences.

The parallels with my Christian life are evident. I'm a Christian true, and my life's changed a lot since when I became one. But I'm no perfect saint; I've done wrong things, many of them in fact, and the guilt sometimes eats away at me.

People sometimes tend to get too critical of Christians. People lie blatantly, they get away with it scot-free; we tell a white lie, we get flamed mercilessly for it. Our faults are often magnified and scrutinized upon. I should take needles and puncture my skin till blood oozes out to remind them that I am like anyone else, a human being.

We all still make mistakes and we have to deal with them.

***

Angel also mentioned him trying to make up for all his past faults by disappearing. Retreat into some obscure corner of the globe and become a recluse, fading into oblivion. Faith tried shutting herself from life permanently by wanting to stay in jail the rest of her life, hoping that would offer some sort of shelter from the hard-hitting reality of what she had done. And yet here's the line I loved most:

Faith: I did my time. (in prison)

Angel: Our time is never up, Faith. We pay for everything.

Well, hurts doesn't it? But I'm guessing its true. When I was younger I did so many wrong things, some of which had effects on me which I'm still trying to come to terms with. In the past I often lapsed into a perpetual state of self-flagellation, then found my escape by entering into a bout of depression that kind of sheltered me from more emotionally decapitating thoughts.

But true redemption (or rather, repentance, for me) is not about escapism or guilt. It's about dealing with your past faults. Moving on from the past. Making better choices in the future.

Some people say they can't leave the past behind because the past won't leave them behind. That they can't win against their past.

But I don't think the battle with the past is always there to be won. It's there to be fought. To fight, to try to redeem oneself, to go into the future making better and more responsible choices. And that's what makes humans so strong.

Then again, my battle has already been won for me by A Friend in A Higher Place.

Audio Blog?

2005-10-16T19:34:00.000+08:00

Recently, Lancerlord posted on Tomorrow his discovery of some new online program/applet/whatchamacallitthing that allows you to listen to a post. Yes, that's right peeps, the program/applet/whatever actually gives the reader an option to listen to a blog post entirely in audio, if the blog owner decides to integrate that program into his blog. (they call this embedding right?)

I think this program sucks.

(Lancerlord, if you reading, you generally posts great links, this is just one of the rare few horrendous discoveries...)

Some blogs tend to be filled with highly emotional posts and replete with great feelings of intensity. Even via reading about a person's feelings online, a lot of that intensity and rawness have been filtered out.

Now, they come out with this thing that reads posts out with an absolutely monotonous, robotic voice. It sounds horrible and dull -- and the first time I actually tried it out and listened to the voice, I vaguely recalled nightmares of eternal hell in Mr Young's horrendously boring literature classes.

Someone please enlighten me why in the blue moon would anyone want to use such a program anyway?

Even the thought of the apocalypse doesn't seem so bleak now compared to the increasing popularity of this Talkr program thing.

"Piracy is not killing music- stupidity is!"

2005-10-14T13:37:00.000+08:00

I've wanted to comment about a rather pressing issue for some time now. Last week I was reading The Brown's post about not buying a certain CD because it was Copy-controlled. Instead he opted to buy James Blunt's CD -which is definitely way overrated- simply because it wasn't copy-controlled.

A certain statement he said made quite a profound impact on me.

mrbrown said:

"I prefer to give my money to companies who do not penalise their customers or treat them like criminals."

I was rather taken aback, but could still empathise with why he made such a statement. However, as usual, certain comments to that post really annoyed the hell out of me again.

"If a CD I want to buy is copy-controlled and I can't rip it into my MP3 player, I'd rather just download it off the Net than waste my money. By treating potential customers like pirates in a bid to prevent piracy, these companies are just encouraging it.' -- said a certain someone.

One other reader said: "Piracy is not killing music- stupidity is!"

I certainly understand the opinion these people have on music and copy control and their frustration with rigid anti-piracy rules. And sure they do have reasons to justify their stand on copy-control. But I feel that these people are certainly pushing the boundary too much with their flagrant disregard of the law in public.

Anyhow, I am a purist at heart. I love music, and love its myriad mix of colourful genres. More than that, I am passionate about music. I love what the good record artistes are doing -- putting their heart and soul into creating communal works of art -- making music without pretension (although that's in the minority... there're a ton of pretentious acts out there) and generating aural pleasure for we music lovers.

I relate to music artistes, because I know how much effort most of them put into making their music. They sleep little, eat meagre amounts of food, are often fatigued and exhausted, but they go about making their music, travelling round the world doing gigs, doing interviews and media conferences. It takes commitment and sacrifice and a whole lot of passion to keep going at something so exhausting as being a music artiste.

And the purist that I am feels that the commentor on mrbrown's blog who said that she'd prefer to download the album off the net if a CD is copy-controlled is one of those robbing good artistes of their bread and butter. Some of these artistes deserve to earn more because of the effort they put into their music, and because of their great talent. Downloading albums off the net is simply repulsive to me. It's selfish.

I mean, I'm not going all Mother Teresa here and say that I've not downloaded mp3s before. I have, in fact, but I'd never ever, EVER, EVER download more than 3 songs from any certain album. If I think that album is good, i'd download 2 or 3 songs and sample them to see if I like it. But I'd never ever be such a grotesque person as to download complete albums off the net.

Seriously, if you actually download an entire album off the net, it means you like the artiste. If you like the artiste, and you think his/her/their album is great, what's so hard about cutting down on an expensive meal and buying their CD instead just to support them? What's so freaking hard with forking out about $20 to purchase a CD you genuinely enjoy? You can eat your cuisine, you can drink your cocktails, you can smoke your cigarettes, and you can pay for your petrol, but just $20 --such a meagre amount-- is a problem to someone like you?

I'm not being a prude here saying that you can't download music (the law says so though, we're all subject to it. So download legally. please.) so I'm not exactly burning in righteous fury here, what I'm saying is that we have to think for the music artistes. If we keep robbing them of their moolah by downloading music (illegally in this case), sometimes passion itself is not enough to sustain your career. Not having money for the family and for luxuries isn't exactly an endorphin release to music artistes. Worse still, they might compromise on their artistic integrity and go all out to commercialize their works, destroying all credibility they've built up for themselves previously.

I still believe that many record companies ARE indeed big, evil, bloodsucking corporate machines. However, it's the artistes I'm more concerned about here. I can't bear to see my current favourite acts like Franz Ferdinand or Death Cab for Cutie go kablooey and self destruct from a lack of income.

And more than empathising with music artistes, I personally feel it's extremely hypocritical for you to call yourself a fan of XXX band or singer if you don't even have the decency to buy his/her/their album. I'm seeing more and more cheapskates downloading tons of mp3s of their favourite bands off the net and still professing that they're a fan. The purist in me just eagerly anticipates the day where I get to eviscerate such morons.

The thought of the iPod being such an ubiquitous commodity now is in itself a turn off. I hate seeing everyone nowadays carrying that slimy metallic thing in their hands as if its such a cool fashion statement. To me, it's so 5 minutes ago. the CD walkman will FOREVER be in vogue, and forever relevant, at least in my very biased opinion. The sight of kazillion people all over the world grooving to the music played out on their ipod, iPod clasped firmly in hand, is the reason why Prozac and Zoloft was invented anyway.

Yes I am a purist, you can save the trouble jumping on my back crying bloody murder, because this time I know i'm right. I remember in secondary 1 and 2 (equivalent of high school, in case any non-Singaporeans are reading this) I would starve myself during recess so that I would save enough money in 2 weeks to buy myself an album. And back then, I only got $25 a week, so you could imagine how much I saved.

You know, that's precisely what I miss. That living on the edge a little, being mocked for following a passion you relentlessly pursue and love. There was always this thrill of having people call me a freak because I would eat so little during recess, cut down on the canteen socialising sessions with classmates, and then pool my savings together to get my CD. I so miss that, giving something that is a sacrifice to me, because I love it so much. Treating music as a free commodity just extricates the passion from the music.

I think this is a lesson many need to hear.

Listening to: Jacqueline -- Franz Ferdinand

GOAL! and buy the VCD instead....

2005-10-11T01:09:00.000+08:00

Today I went to watch GOAL! with a few of my church mates, Dale, Jieyong and Jasmine. The highlights of the day were not, quite ironically, the movie or anything about it, but rather me being mercilessly teased (haha) by the few of them about... the 22 October. (it's a secret...)

Anyway, since the show seemed pretty promising at first, I just decided, rather grudgingly, to tag along to watch the movie. I mean, it's a soccer movie, soccer stars are gonna make cameos, so initially I kind of expected it to be a hoot, a really rad movie. And even if the movie really sucked, I'm pretty sure Dale or Jieyong would have loved it still because they're big soccerholics who unfortunately are mentally stunted enough to become Liverpool fans. (*ahem*) Even if it was a pure waste of brain cells, they're probably vouch their unwavering support towards the show anyway. And you don't even have to bother asking for the opinions of any Newcastle fans.

All right so here's how the story goes: this guy, Santiago Munez moved over to American from Mexico with his family, consisting of his gradmother, his brother and his really grouchy, overly pragmatic dad. Among his prized possessions he brought over is his soccer ball -- he is a kid wildly passionate and amazingly gifted at the game.

And soon, all the trials and tribulations are brought in, blahblablah got scouted by talent scout, blahblahblah agent never turn up and protaganist disappointed, protaganist sad and proceeds to be disillusioned and wallow a little in self pity, some miraculous stroke of divine intervention takes place and voila! Another route opens for him. Then he faces tons of other trials like parental objection, temptations, the seduction of fame, the jeering of fellow teammates etc etc.

In short, it really is your Average Joe's rags-to-riches immigrant fantasy cliched. Some call it the American Dream, although soccer is a little too British to qualify for that term. And the movie is an absolutely typical feel-good sports show. Of course, by superhuman determination and lady luck as a friend, Mr Protaganist overcomes all his adversities, makes it big and becomes a Newcastle hero, along the way reconciling broken relationships and building new ones. Of course, he hooks up with a hot girl too. And please don't say I spoilt the story for you because anyone with half a brain would know that's the typical outcomes for such movies.

I can understand why people would enjoy it, especially guys. Emotionally it's appealling, especially to the Average Joe, because these average Joes vicariously revel in the glory of the protaganist, whom they easily relate to. Yeah, so momentarily, especially during the climactic scenes, the guys ( or girls, for that matter), place themselves in the shoes of the protaganist and absorb the splendour and glory of that sweet moment of victory.

Which is what makes it exploitative, if you may ask. I'm sick and tired of tried-and-tested, politically correct nonsense aimed to paint a delusionary portrait of real life and aim to inspire the blind masses so much they decide to tag friends along to rewatch the show. If you ask me, me being the idealist that I am, I would say I believe that dreams are important, and dreams should be fervently be pursued. From a Christian perspective, we all have destinies and purposes in life and we dream to accomplish something significant in our lives. But when I think of my dream, I don't always believe the pastures are greener on the other side. But I may think that, the grass on the other side of the other side might be greener (if you can follow the convolutions). What I mean is that, the pursuit of dreams is a long, tumultuous journey.

This movie obviously had the common elements of conflict and later, resolution. Unfortunately, the conflicts are always resolved so conveniently and so quickly. Some battles are not won in weeks or months, they are won over years. And when I think of my dream, I'm guessing that kind of battle would be spanning several years too. And the danger with this movie is that everyone watching it goes all warm and fuzzy and touched and inspired and ______ (insert adjective of your choice similar in meaning to Positive).

It is exploitative because it obviously is playing, even patronizing, the average Joe movie audiences, making it seem like Lady Luck will come to your rescue eventually no matter what, when really, life can be unfair and brutal and harsh at times, and some things can't just be resolved by a snap of the finger. Not to mention, which guys doesn't dream of being a soccer star? Count the benefits: play your favourite game, make great mates for the soccer club your play for, gain glory for yourself, get your name plastered over front pages of newspapers over the world, earn tons of cash, hook up with hot chicks and get laid. Except... erm... I don't really care for the get laid part because I don't believe in pre-marital sex. (I'm a Christian prude* and I admit it.. don't jump on my back crying bloody murder!)

So, in short, if you go to watch the movie, leave your brain at home, because that way you'll enjoy it more. If you try to think too much, you might still enjoy it like me, but at at the same time you'll end up getting mildy annoyed too. For example, in the middle of the show, this Santiago guy was going through so many trials, tribulations, persecutions and crap that when I returned from a short toilet break, sure enough! Tragedy struck! Something happened to his family! *smacks forehead in exasperation*

Before I end this post, I sum it up in a rough sequence of events: guy from poor family, talented in game, works in an absolutely dead-end job. Plays soccer in free time. got scouted. got ditched by agent. scout believs in him and helps him again. More adversity in the form of family. some Higher Being obviously intervenes and voila! He makes his way to England. screws up initially, got sacked, got back into club,plays well, learns his mistakes, becomes a hero. And in case you didn't know, I wanted to type BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH for this entire sequence of events because that's what the whole plot is -- blah -- but for your benefit I decided to spell it out for you guys.

Anyway I never realized how much I could talk about a single movie. I haven't even gotten to the part where David Beckham and Zinedine Zidane inexplicably roots for him. Like YEAH?, David Beckham is sooo going to take a break from his training and games and family commitments and shopping and sleeping around and filming lousy Pepsi advertisements to actually go up to a relatively unknown newbie to proclaim his support for him? GIVE ME A BREAK!

Ok, I'm ending it here. More tomorrow.

Did I See You In A Limousine, Fling Out The Fish and The Unleavened

2005-10-08T14:54:00.000+08:00

In case you're thinking the title of this post makes no sense, then you're right. Well, at least it's not pertinent to what I'll be blogging today. It's just that, I love Franz Ferdinand so much that I borrowed a line of their lyrics to be my blog title.

What's more important is.... I'm going to sing myself a song.

Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to R******, (not all know my real name)
Happy Birthday to me!!!

*balloons bursting and people cheering in the background*

Birthday wishes pertaining to blogging:

1) Meet Up the different bloggers/readers on this blog... Let's see: (too lazy to link, if you guys wanna check out their blogs find it in my blog links scetion)The Hungry Bunny, Ball.Of.Yarn, Julian, Zenith, Ms.b, lil Dow Fro etc etc... ESPECIALLY MARILYN!

Just a bit of trivia here: How long have Marilyn and I been virtual friends?

Answer: 6 years!!

We have to meet up sometime!

2) Get my freaking template together so that the comments section gets fixed.

3) Start some blogging for world dominance campaign thing not unlike Adrian.

4) Continue to never use the f*** word on my blog. And cut down on the s*** too. It's not really a secret that i'm a Christian right?

5) Come out of anonymity someday, when the time is right.

6) that Lynne will return to Singapore and do a meet-the-readers event.

7) That annoying, scandalous sites like Xialanxue will have a huge paradigm shift and become a blog of positivity?

8) that I will be the first Asian male blogger to get endorsements! (yeah, like real, with me and the whole anonymity thing)

That's all, I'm going out and gonna celebrate my birthday!

HTML Nut

2005-10-07T17:48:00.000+08:00

Since I'm absolutely hopeless with html, I'll be waiting till Marilyn comes online and get her to incorporate Haloscan comments back onto my blog again. It's a little trickier with this template, but in the worse case scenario, I'll make do with blogger comments.

Please be patient with me.

Meanwhile, my law student friend stumbled across a really funny story, enjoy!

Here it is:

One day, God was touring Heaven and noticed that the Pearly Gates were terribly scratched and worn.

So he asked St. Peter, "What's happened to the Gates?" St. Peter replied, "It's from all the sinners who struggle and grab on when they're told they're going to be cast into the bottomless pit."

God said, "If this is the work of sinners, then it's Satan's responsibility. Tell him he has to pay for the repairs!" B

ack came the reply from Satan, "So sue me!"

God read Satan's words, sighed and shrugged. St. Peter said, "What shall we do, Lord?" God replied, "There's nothing we can do. He's got all the lawyers."

Awesome

2005-10-05T15:19:00.000+08:00

Franz Ferdinand's album is darn solid stuff. That is all.

Butter Scones, Passion Tea, Battlefield 2 and Death Cab For Cutie makes my day

2005-10-05T00:16:00.000+08:00

I don't think I can ever be in a better mood. I was initially feeling a little low spiritually, even emotionally, but the things quickly changed as the day progressed, and I will embrace this day fervently because of some great stuff that happene to me.

I was free today, so I met up with my friends Dale and Kaishing at cineleisure for some aimless roaming. Don't ask me why, but for guys we tend to break stereotypes in many ways; guys usually go out to the streets with a specific goal in mind, while we just met up not knowing what we'd do. So we just threw up all the ideas... we went through some shops at the Heeren. (Trust me , guys have to hunt for stuff sometimes too ok?) So I went to look at some tattoo designs since I do fancy body art done tastefully. And when I mean tastefully I don't mean a whole lot of tribal tattoos all over the arm and back and above the butt. And definitely not pictures of dragons being plastered all over the chest skin.

Anyway, we came up with possible leisurely options: Xbox shop at dhoby Ghaut MRT? Lan shop? Arcade? it came down to 3 options I guess. While we decided on the Lan Shop soon, I managed to coax them into taking some time out to chill at HMV... which turned out to be the best decision I made today, and I'll explain later.

Also we went to Starbucks and it was my treat to them for me being late again. If there's some disease for being late all the time like lateotimeohophosia or something, I must be sufferrer of it in the chronic stages. Side effects include having to treat friends to food and drinks to make up for the lack of punctuality.

I'm not one to usually go to great lengths on the things I eat for my meals and all, but today the stuff I had at Starbucks was so good I just had to post them up.

butter scones. With jam and butter applied in the soft core of the scones. you just bite into the crust and it's hard on the outside, and when your tooth hits the core, it's like an explosion of sweetness and there's this incredible whooooooooosh of sensations sent to your brain, not unlike an orgasm. (*ahem*) Scones courtesy of more-moronic-than-Mr-Moron Dale.

This is Passion Tea I just tried today. It looks black in the photo, but it's actually red. Crimson red. It's sour, but refreshingly sour. Think sparkling mineral water with a dash of lime and some good ol' English tea. That's the best attempt to explain the tastes to you guys.

A close up of the Passion Tea. I am a passionate person in whatever things I do. Music, God, friends, film and Warcraft3? Same applies to relationship. Girls who want to apply for a date with me please e-mail me. (*cough*)

***

3 people playing Battlefield 2 on their own isn't all that bad. Especially when the newb one, partnering with a computer bot, managed to win in the end. The computer bots make me look good. heh.

***

And now, to the best part of the day, I just acquired for myself, the albums of Franz Ferdinand and Death Cab For Cutie. Wow. I just finished listening to the whole Death Cab For Cutie album, and almost done with Franz Ferdinand's one too. Radical stuff...

Guys go get their album please. You have to. Their music is awesome, and in case you're thinking you should buy their album because they're so alternative and indie and edgy and cool and listening to them will make you look cool, don't be daft. Death Cab For Cutie and Franz Ferdinand are both getting increasing popular and are getting more commercialised now. But still, they deserve every ounce of credit they deserve, because they're brilliant. Especially Franz Ferdinand. Every single song's great.

Thanks guys for the day of mad fun. I think with practice I'll kick more butt in the next game of Battlefield 2. Back to Warcraft 3 for now.

Geek police, I'm here, com'on get me man...

The Special Moments

2005-09-30T14:42:00.000+08:00

I've recently heard of a secondary school acquaintance who got pregnant last year, and subsequently got married. When her child was born, she was only 19. But she had always been a wild child, and in secondary school revelled in her identity was resident ah-lian, so I guess her bearing a child and getting married at her tender age didn't really raise any alarm, though it might cause some eye brows to furrow, especially for those self-righteous, kaypo auntie types.

Anyhow, as of last year, being pregnant and bearing children has pretty much been the national trend. The local celebrities were all trying to jump on the parenthood bandwagon and coaxing their love ones to give them the good lovin', with the hopes of creating new life.

Now, I never really wanted to have children, not because I can't take care of them (I believe I would be able to, given some time), but because it's almost as if you just lose you being yourself once you have children. It's all about the kids kids and kids.

I think the most scary thing is that, while watching your new product struggling to catch his first breath, when you are overwhelmed by morbid paranoia and start thinking about death. Thinking about how your child is going to die eventually. It's silly to some, but sometimes I place myself in that kind of situation mentally and try to see how i'll deal with it emotionally.

Essentially, the moment all we human are born, I guess we're already starting on the long, winding, tumultuous road towards death. For the optimistic, that long, meandering road may be littered with flowers and roses; some will have it good in life. But for the less cheerful in disposition, nothing that happens in life really disguises the ultimate fact that they're on the slow but inexorable march towards death.

As a Christian, death is nothing I guess. You think about it, sometimes you don't want to think about it, but ultimately it doesn't scare you as much anymore. You're not afraid not because you're so macho and think death is but just death, not really upsetting at all. You're not afraid because you know physical death is but a mere formality; we're already living out our eternal lives now, and eventually we'll be living with glorified bodies.

Anyway, putting on a normal-man, secular mindset, I try to see myself as an Atheistic man witnessing the birth of his child. The finiteness of it all just really hits you hard the moment you see him catching his first breath. You're minded that there'll be a day that comes where he'll breath his life. Perhaps, you'll never be able to see it, and hopefully not, because it'll be too tragic for for any parent to witness their child's death. But I'm can be a rather morbid person, rather ironically because I'm a Christian, and putting myself in such a situation, I can't help but feel the shortness and finite-ness of life.

Yet, don't you think it's the finite-ness and shortness and fleetingness of everything good that makes certain moments shine? It's like, everything is so short, you just start to treasure special moments when you're with your Significant other, your family members, and your best friends...and when you're with them sometimes, the world seems to grind to a halt and all else seems blurry, and in that special moment, all worries and pain seem to fly out of the window.

EVen for one who believes in eternal life, I've learnt to treasure those moments. Because I've certainly not had many of them; too few, in fact.

Changing The World

2005-09-26T12:00:00.000+08:00

I think the recent catastrophic events of major proportions, namely Hurricane Rita and Hurricane Katrina, has caused President Bush to receive an increased amount of public outlash. People give him stick for how sloppy he was in administering rescue aid, how he was partially at fault for a loss of life on such a great scale. I'm not really going into the nitty gritty details here, and I'm certainly not here to criticize him. In fact, the people I want to point out are those criticizing him (but I'm not here to critize them though).

it's the anti war rally in American recently that got me thinking alot; namely the real reason why people actually join in these rallies, lashing out against Bush and the Republicans etc. The anti war rally was quickly reduced to a angst-fest where people were yelling crazy crap absolutely not pertaining to the world at all, like how certain things Bush does are racist etc etc. (?!!). Why did these people join in the anti-war rally? Perhaps it could be due to their sheer frustration and disgust towards Bush, but part of me actually thinks that some of thse people are here with the belief they are making a difference-- that they are improving the world in some profound way.

I've never really understood the appeal in participating in a rally (or angst-fest), and probably never would. If a rally was to ever take place in Singapore one day (hopefully never), I might.

Anyhow, my conjecture is that, people like being herad by thousands of other like-minded individuals. and perhaps, with the unwavering belief that all their actions (namely ranting and protesting) would amount to something; that they would have some sort of impact on the world.

I think that changing the world doesn't lie simply in having big, idealist visions about changing a nation's president or trying to force him into retirement or anything of that sort. Neither does the key to changing the world lie in organising huge rallies to voice out anger and dissent.

When I was in the 1st year of my junior college, a group of schoolmates and I went over to China on an Overseas Community Involvement Project. We were doing some social/community developmental work in a tiny impoverished village right smack in the rather run-down state of Henan. We weren't there to overthrow the Communist Regime (like that's even possible), we weren't even there to unveil some grand project like a water treatment system. What we did were just little things -- teaching the kids in the village basic English, planting a garden for them, playing games with the kids, befriending. We were concerned with how to transport the plants over to the garden, which was situated in front of their newly constructed school. We were concerned about having enough gifts to award to the kids. It was just things as simple as those.

I seriously think the real work of improving the world lies in the little achievements of the day. Like in my case, imparting a small thirst for knowledge, a hunger for the English language into the hearts of these kids. No big, idealist visions of any sort (although that is also important, I will probably write about that sometime later).

Yet it saddens me that, the people who are the most capable of improving the world, the people who are the most hardworking, caring and giving, often lack the ambition and ego to want to be a leader; they care too little about superficial rewards, like it wouldn't matter even if their name never ever appears on the newspapers, or if they die without their name being recorded within the annals of history. I guess a little dose of idealism would be great to these people, because really, they are the ones most willing to work for improvement.

That is another post for another time. I'm getting incoherent as it is.

Keep Your Lousy Comments To Yourselves, Kids

2005-09-21T11:47:00.000+08:00

Today I was reading the mrbrown's entry, a literary meme inspired by Mercermachine which I intend to follow suit and write my own version too. His post was deeply poignant and a delightful read, one of his better ones recently.

Today's post is not so much fawning over the post and kissing his butt, hoping my sycophantic endeavours will earn him some notice and perhaps bring publicity to my blog. Today I have to go into detail about one thing that irks me: sucky comments.

When I was reading his post, I admit I was touched. A teensy little bit moved by its poignancy. And to pay him a really high compliment, it left a sweet aftertaste in my mind, something that doesn't happen easily. All that positivity and delight gleaned from the reading of that post soon dissipated once I read the comments section of his blog.

seriously, I can't stand lousy comments. I can understand why new bloggers would hurry to leave comments on every single blog they visit because initially when I was dying to garner readers, that was exactly what I did. But as one grows more acclimatized to the whole blogging environment, I guess that sort of attention whoring behaviour just naturally lost its grip on me. yet even when I was leaving comments, I would never ever write down the exact same stuff and blindly reiterating what a kazillion other commentors has said before you.

Yes, on that very comments section of mrbrown's post, there were dozens of people collectively kissing mrbrown's butt. I mean, it was good and all, but after the first dozen extravagant praises, I would be guessing people would stop being blind sheep and blindly copy-pasting other people's comments. Like for example "so sweet. I teared." or "you make me want to cry" or "this is such a moving piece"... blablablabla!

*rolls eyes*

Give me a break! If you really like it so much, go write him an email, and spare me the sight of those ghastly intellectually-challenged comments. if you find it so amazing, write him an email, and tell him about how it touched you blablabla and how it impacted you and how you related to it. I've written emails to some bloggers too, to tell them how I loved their blogs, how I like their writing or how I find them really amusing etc. I think it speaks a lot about one's individuality when all you can do is memorising the comments of others and blindly transposing of it. Regurgitated shit is worse than pure shit. to top it off, there were 62 comments of the similar vein.

*rolls eyes*

Thankfully, some of them were more unique. Really, if you know that a post is so good you had to post some praises on the person's comments section, at least try some creativity and be a little more unique in constructing your comments. Don't fabricate lies and post drama-mama stuff like how you cried your hearts out and all that nonsense. If you think its good, try to praise in a witty manner. You don't have to cry to post for it to be touching. If a piece of art/writing had to make someone literally cry before it can be labelled touching and poignant and powerful, then I can jolly well say most of the books I read(save for some) are terribly, inaptly written without any panache or flair. Honestly, do any of you guys actually believe that all the commentors who said they cried to the post actually did cry?

*rolls eyes*

Oh, and I absolutely hate irrational, fanatical behaviour. If you actually read Rockson's blog, you will know what I mean. Every single post garners comments in the hundreds from dozens and dozens of groupies, of both genders. (though the sexuality of the male groupies/rabid fans can be rather questionable.) Ok fine, he's has his charm in his online persona, he writes in his famous in-your-face, no holds barred style, and the ah bengs and ah lians fawn over him like they worship the ground he blogs on (anyone else comes to mind? hmmm).

Yes he's funny, I admit to reading him and occasionally enjoying his posts too, but silly comments always drive me sick. The ah lian and ah bengs and other miscellaneous types (belonging to the minority of his readers, of course) post such disastrously revolting comments that I am tempted to hack* into his account and delete them all off. And judging by the types of comments they post up, most of them have a vocabulary that leaves little to be desired.

the worst are the crazy whackos who professed their undying support for Rockson by wanting to beat up some guy who actually criticized a certain magazine for recommending his blog, which is littered by vulgarities. Expletives are rampant on his blog, and if you can come across a blog post without an expletive in any given paragraph, inform all your friends to buy the lottery on that day. so they haunted and tortured that poor chap who was speaking his mind in a proper manner, trying to maintain some form of civility. Instead of resorting to coherent arguments to defend their online idol, they resort to repulsive boarish behaviour to get back at their perceived enemy.

*rolls eyes*

Good heavens. I think my eyeballs are going to pop from all that eye rolling.

Someone.Please.kill.Me. Having my mind traumatised over all some of these horrible comments is really driving me nuts.

Well, at the very least, these bloggers are smart enough not to buy their readers' patronising behaviour. that is evident because they don't indulge them buy replying to every single comment. Although seriously, If I was them, I would be a little nastier to correct some of their rather apprehensible behaviour, by replying in harsh words. Even the local blogging princess (though I am loathe to call her this) recently made the smart move by deciding not to reply to any comments.

Knowing that the government actually monitors blogs rather diligently, let's hope they will read this post, get convinced by my absolutely genius opinions, and start to flush out whacko commentors.

***

Oh yeah, and although I've never gotten more than 20 comments on a single post before, I thank God that my readers are generally an opinionated bunch.

***

*(when I said hack into their accounts earlier on, I was by no means serious. That would be an absolutely childish and repulsive act of hatred. I have to make clear that I am joking. Hence, I am now immune, or exempt from any potential haters wanting to charge me for advocating hacking. Government cannot charge me under some Malicious Act(I came up with this).

And last I checked, there were no seditious comments of any kind.)

The One About My Movie Experience

2005-09-18T23:01:00.000+08:00

A couple of days ago, I just watched 'Be With Me'. Mch has been said about the show, critics have raved (and occasionally ranted) about the beauty and subtle magnetism of the show, and the good folks at the Cannes Film Festval has been kissing the production crew's collective butts, giving the crew a 6 minute long standing ovation.

Although I thought the film had its disappointing portions (especially regarding the narrative aspect towards the middle of the film), I generally enjoyed it. Alot. Even the not-so-qualified film critic in me was placated and subdued while I was viewing the show. I decided to let loose on my hard-up attitude and did my darnest to reduce my efforts in dissecting and analysing the fim.

You know you've genuinely enjoyed a movie when long after the movie has ended and the sudden sheen of black appears, you are still glued to your seat, jaw dropped towards the ground, still marvelling in awe about a fine piece of art. Even the credits seemed beautiful, and while I was still blankly staring at the credits rolling out on the screen, the sweet aftertaste of positivity in the film was still lingering.

On another note, when I was the M18 rating that came along with the movie. I was mentally preparing myself for some explicit (but tasteful) sex scenes btetween the 2 female lovers. In fact, the movie, besides it tackling the still taboo (at least in Singapore) topic of homosexuality, did nothing to deserve its rating. It has dark and depressive overtones, no doubt; but really it is also essentially about hope, faith, fate and love. I was initially perplexed as to why it got the rating -- perhaps the censors were too harsh and failed to exercise better judgment?

But it later dawned on me tha there was some good that came out of the M18 rating. When I was in the cinema, squealy schoolgirls were giggling incessantly throughout the movie, especially the parts when Theresa Chan (the female protaganist and silent narrator) was speaking. The people are seriously just short on empathy. Is it really such a Herculean task to show some respect for such a remarkable aldy by sitting in appreciative silence throughout the film?

Theresa Chan's life account is an inspiring testimony about the beauty of life. It is definitely not a silly, comical tale to tickle one's laughing buds.

Unless you're some sadistic freak or Schadenfreudan whacko who don't quite have a life, I don't see how one can derive joy from seeing a deaf and blind lady struggling to speak coherently.

Some people, I swear, are just devoid of a heart. These are teh people who are absolutely impervious to th effects of our nation's Courtesy Campaigns and would never fork out a dollar for some charity fund for the handicapped.

Which leads me to my next point.

How I wish tha the censors would raise the bar and push the rating up to a R21. Seriously, I would rather fewer people watch this wonderful work of art than to desecrate its beauty with their childish mocking laughter.

They say that guys mature a lot later than girls. But from my personal experience in the cinema, I can safely conclude that theory is absolutely erroneous, since all the annoying giggles were from females.

Having said that, guys PLEASE do watch the show. Support local talent! While there are some flaws in the film, or certain narrative aspects that rubs off against you, it was still an extremely poignant, powerful piece on hope and love and fate. Hopefully, it'll reinstill you jaded 21st century types with a zest for life once again.

****

BTW, it MY DAILY BREAD'S 1st Year Anniversary!!!
Blows birthday cake

A special thanks to Marilyn for helping me start this blog, as well as my earliest readers Nilsinelabore (whose blog is now defunct), Dr Fletcher, ms.beautifuk, as well as the other nice blogger friends... Ball Of Yarn, Lynne, Hungry Bunny, Little Dowager, Laughingcow, Zenith etc.... and the other anonymous non-blogger readers too! thanks for reading my blog. :D

Get to know me better!

2005-09-12T20:45:00.000+08:00

Tagged by Laughingcow. Thanks for tagging me because you know I'm such a tag junkie, as if getting tagged gives me some vague sense of ecstasy.

List three random facts about yourself that your friends might not know. And then tag five other friends to do it.

1. I was in the choir before. That was when I was in my pubescent phase and had these wild dreams of being a singer, partly because I like singing, and partly because singers (esp the boybands last time) seem to get all the chicks. Of course, after you get inside the choir, things really change because it's waaay more boring than what you expect. The drudgery of going for practices several times a week weared me down quickly because we were doing sleep-inducing choir pieces. Also, joining the choir naturally earned me a lot of stick, especially when all the people (especially the guys) back then stuck to their narrow minded, stereotypical mindsets and called guys in the choir sissies.

Eh, I'm a SNAG what, cannot ar? Haha, did you guys see Jason Biggs in American Pie? He joined the choir to show the chicks he was s SNAG too! Female readers, I'm right, am I?

Oh, and my other co curricular activities include table tennis, tennis, badminton, and library. I stuck to table tennis for 1 and a half years, badminton for a year, tennis for a year, and library for a year and a half. I'm quite the experimenter, ain't I?

Oh I have to add, unfortunately for me, I subscribed to the stereotype perpetuated by the media that the choir had all the hotties, which was not totally true. They had the hotties, but most of them were Ah-lians. what an utter waste!

2. I took part in a Talentime competition before as the lead vocalist of my 'band'. We sang, of all songs, Chumbawamba's "I Get No doubt". i screwed it up so badly, I swear I could have buried my whole body into the ground, because hiding my face wouldn't be enough. My voice was absolutely inapt for the song, and besides, Chumbawamba's "I Get No Doubt".... nothing much left to masascre, really.

3. The compliments I've received from girls (and aunties) include the following:
-I'm cute
-I'm funny
-I'm nice
-I'm handsome
-I'm sweet
-I'm considerate

OK FINE!!! GO AHEAD AND PUKE ALL YOU WANT! BUT THEY ARE ALL TRUE!

They kind of make up for my height. I'm short. If you want to know my actual height you've got to e-mail me privately!!! I'm about the same height as Marilyn so if you really wanna know you can ask her instead. :D

Ok, so time to pass the baton and get the following people to reveal their darkest secrets and desires! (like they will.) Oh, and if that dark desire is that you wanna date me, do send me photos of yourself to my email and I'll conduct a brief audit of the entries. :D My shamelessness astounds me at times.

5 people I'm passing the tag to:
1) Marilyn
2) Venitha
3) Zeenie
4) TheHungryBunny
5) Zenith

Have fun guys! Looking forward to seeing all the interesting nuggets delicious details you guys are going to dig up for me to read!

Life sucks when

2005-09-11T22:30:00.000+08:00

You have THREE fricken Television sets in your house.... but is STILL unable to catch the Man Utd Vs Manchester City match because....

The TV in the living room is dominated by my dad. who's actually using the computer but will insist that he wants to watch the television when you attempt to switch the channels even when his eyes are clearly fixed on his computer (doing whatever he is *ahem* doing)

The TV in my sis room is out of bounds because she's perpetually hooked onto some trashy Korean romance movies, which in my mind are really like horrible nightmares made into film....

And the last television set is conveniently serving my bro because he is watching the fricken Liverpool match on the other channel!!!!

ARGH!!!

And then you keep having the thought, perhaps if you had just watched the match, perhaps, just perhaps, you watching the match could have brought out some little divine intervention or perhaps usher in some cataclysmic change that would irrevocably change the outcome of the match and Man U wouldn't end up with a pathetic 1-1 draw to a technically inferior team.

Bah.

Links that get me all excitable

2005-09-08T19:53:00.000+08:00

Recently, I've realized I'm getting more addicted to foreign blogs. Everyone knows I'm a culture junkie, and love foreign culture to the max (especially American(pop) culture) and reading foreign blogs make for great culture exchange!

Top read at the moment:

Rogueslayerlawstudentmoviefan! -- This one's a great great read. First, she's a Buffy The Vampire Slayer fan. She watches Angel too, and coincidentally, her favourite character is Faith, which is mine too. Secondly, she's one of those cool 40-something types with a huge zest for life, which pretty much explains her living out her American dream, pursuing a law degree at her kind of age. Ok, she's gay, and I'm quite the advocate of heterosexuality, but I can't discount her super high cool quotient just because of that right?

Tony Pierce's bus blog! --- aiite, this one kinda reminds me of Balderdash!, since he pretty much waxes lyrical on everything under the sun, although most of his posts revolves around the theme of politics. he provides succinct insight into political affairs, but he's short on the mind-boggling jargon and highly experised language that the layman may find repulsive. Basically, his blog is like Politics 101 for the commonfolk, sprinkled with a little musings on his daily life from time to time.

Great reads!

Been really busy lately, and a little remiss with my blog surfing and commenting. I still have a tag from Laughingcow to complete, and I'll get to it once I get home later from hunting for my friend's present.

Ciao!

How I react to hate.

2005-09-05T23:01:00.000+08:00

The past few days, in my moments of self reflection, me, the guy with too many thoughts, finally sussed out the best way to react to hatred. Not that I haven't already known the appropriate ways to deal with it, but as I was just deep in thought on the bus, I finally managed to wrap the whole concept of hatred around my mind so tightly.

Man are all innately selfish, we all know that. As much as knowing it makes us uncomfortable, that's what we are. Of course, being innately selfish doesn't mean we can't train ourselves or change ourselves to learn to love others, what with love being a choice after all. but we hate because often, people either annoy or irritate us, try to harm us, or has hurt things or people we love. And it's natural to be way pissed off with someone who actually brings hurt to you or the ones you love. but it sure is draining to keep harbouring hatred in our hearts. Vengeance is a principle so eagerly espoused by people all over the world, because well, perhaps hate and anger are the only driving forces keeping them sane and alive in this world. Some people rather feel anger and hate than feel nothing at all; then will they truly feel jaded knowing that life is just one black abyss of nothingness.

I generally try to be nice to people, but in my reckless days of youth in the past, I am pretty sure I have done some things to make people really dislike me. There sure are the fair share of detractors who scoff at me, mainly because of my faith, and there're the others who dislike me for just being me. (really primary school, I know) Being in the hell hole that is secondary school for 4 years, I've known the feeling of suspicion that people are mouthing slanderous remarks about you wherever you go.

In the past, I would torture myself incessantly with thoughts of inadequacy, like "oh, I'm not good enough to fit in to this group" or "I should not have been born Raymond because then these people won't dislike me" or some other crappy, depressive, even self-pitying thoughts of the same vein.

It didn't take me long to realize that hey, in life there're bound to be those that will never be pleased with you. Nothing you do will be enough for them. In fact, I would say that it is the norm that some people out there dislike you. I mean, if my life is in such a perpetual comfort zone, such that I have no enemies or detractors, it probably means the extent of my influence is realyl pathetic. Seriously, anyone wanting to do great things, pursue big dreams, must encounter these sort of people in other for their personal growth, I guess.

Naturally with such a belief, my life got transformed. People can still spill forth tons of crap about you, but we all have a choice how we want to react to it. We can choose not to be angry to certain things, even if in normal circumstances a normal man would be naturally angry about it. To love and forgive are choices we make too. (ok, that's a little cliched, since everything in life are essentially choices we make.)

Anyway, the revelation I received is that, if these people are actually disliking me, or even worse, hating me, then I MUST be doing something right. Because now I know that I DO have an impact on people. Maybe not a good impact, but for everyone that loves you, I am pretty sure there's one that hates you. Armed with that knowledge, I started to grow indifferent to people who disliked me or slandered about me (as most of us do in our high school days.)

Because seriously, I take being disliked as a compliment. As I said, people actually take the trouble to dislike you and talk utter bollocks about you, then you do have an incredible impact on people's life after all, even if it's not in an extremely positive sense.

Yes my friends, the opposite of love is not hatred. The opposite of love is really indifference and insouciance. Utter indifference and apathy towards you would be the ultimate form of insult towards the person, because it would mean that your existence is utterly devoid of influence of any kind, that you are in a way an invisible being, that the world would be no different without you.

So now, should I have any detractors or people who dislike me, I just sit back and look smug. Yes dudes, go ahead and hate me, because you're wasting your own time and energy, while I'm here, all fine and good and moving on with my life with zest and passion. In adult speak, I would say 'words can't bring me down'.

but part of me just want to stick my tongue out at these people and say "NANNEE NANNEE POO POO!"

Bwahahahaha.

so the next time you have doubts about your place in this world, think again. If there's actually people out there who do hate you with a vengeance, then you can reassure yourself that hey, one man makes a difference in this world. Most importantly, YOU make a difference in this world.

Inspired by Marilyn's post on the topic of hatred.

The Paradox that is Blogging.

2005-09-03T02:06:00.000+08:00

I'm rather annoyed with some of the commotion and big hoo haa with regards to the issue of blogging privacy and password protecting blog posts.

It's not the fact that people are discussing about it that irks me; freedom of speech is certainly something I advocate. It's the fact that some good folks over at Tomorrow are speaking out like they ARE the big wigs of the local blogosphere, and when they say something, it's the ultimatum. they're now defining rules and standards with regards to privacy, making things black and white for all of us, such that we know what blogging online entails and the conditions to our virtual privacy. Gist of it: you blog something, you put it out in public, it IS public, so it's people's rights to link to it or publicise it. You don't know how to password protect posts, your bad. You haven't heard of Tomorrow.sg and are newly initiated in the blogging business, and are unaware of the rate at which information proliferates on the net, and them wham! you are linked on a highly read site despite your wishes, well, go and suck your own thumb, cos that's your own problem. At least that's what the good folks (is it me or is the use of the word "good" here extremely patronising) over there are saying.

I'm merely going to reiterate what many people have brought out in their discussions. Firstly, die-hard blogger users like me do not have the option to password protect my posts. That's why I keep 2 blogs, the other being a relatively private blog not meant to be some online Bible of Nonsense for the average joe to read everyday while slacking at work. Obviously now with people re-defining online rules, there's no such thing as a private blog. Oh well. Guess I'll have to practice discretion in that case, or in the worst case scenario, find some hosting platform that allows me to password protect my posts.

I want to add that not everyone means for their blog to be kept private, and do not mind visitors dropping by to read. Most are flattered actually, when anonymous readers drop by and leave compliments ( or even when they leave insults) because well, if you can make someone feel so strongly about something you write, then you must be doing something right. In fact, I feel sometimes if I blog too long without writing something mildly controversial or without writing anything that elicits strong attention, then it's time for me to take a break from blogging(which I have done before). But while some people do not mind visitors dropping by, not all are ready for the hundreds and hundreds of people dropping in on their blog, scrutinizing their lives with fiery judgment in their eyes, and then leaving insulting comments. Yeah, the blog is on a pervasive medium such as the internet, but what are the chances of a average, obscure blog being swamped by hundreds of readers if it wasn't Tomorrow-ed in the first place? (I'm just using the local context here, it'd be far worse it it was on Boing Boing or some other blog aggregator). People can only deal with sudden fame if given adequate time to be mentally prepared for it, especially if they're not into blogging for the sake of fame. Perhaps proper notification of being linked up could help in given these poor sods some mental readiness.

Oh well, I shall not expound on blogging privacy any longer because it'll probably take another 100 more paragraphs for me to write out a detailed, coherent argument.

Let me talk about the paradox of blogging.

Yes, blogging is ironic, because we pen down private elucidations for the world to see. We articulate innermost thoughts on arguably the most pervasive medium around in our era. Paradoxical, eh? (of course, some blogs do not always contain private thoughts of a person)

Because some of these thoughts and feelings are so intimate, we keep them away from our close ones. But yet, we put them down in a couple of hundred words for the world to see because we know we can gain support and approval from strangers we've never met before in real life. That is what the internet has reduced human interaction to. Sad, but true.

When I first started the blog, I wrote mainly commentary on the sad state of Singapore. Then, I became a lot more personal in my writings. Following which, I decided to create a split persona to rant about all the unfairness and injustices and crap going on in the world because I thought it was unfitting of me (the real me) to do so. But now I don't give a damn. I just want to be myself.

AT this point, I realized I don't really understand the point of this post itself. Maybe there's no point at all. Remember I said I dont' give a damn anymore?

Anyway, this is going to be my last post on blogging. There MUST be more to blog about than blogging itself. Darn, I've got at least a dozen brilliant ideas swimming around in my brain right now.

The Return of Disjointed Posts and A Stunning Revelation

2005-08-30T23:25:00.000+08:00

Be patient, my dear readers. It's been obvious I've been getting a little lazy the past couple of days, not being in the right frame of mind to post coherent, complete posts on this blog. Disjointed posts are back for now, just some random balderdash to keep you guys who take the effort to visit this blog entertained.

By the way, I feel it's time to admit that Mr Moron and The Rogue Slayer (Raymond) are actually one and the same person.

Now, I know it's pretty stunning to some who've actually followed this blog for a loooong time, considering that Raymond and I seem to bear little similarity to each other at all. Actually it's not that stunning, as I'd explain later, but for now I have to apologise to all who may actually be offended by this truth, or feel that I've been in any way being insincere and fake and all. Also, I have to state again clearly that I am not schizophrenic!. Nor do I have bipolar disorders or anything of that sort.

The main reason why I actually created a brand new (fictional) character was because I felt inhibited. There were constraints imposed upon me on what to write. When I wrote stuff that were more angsty and negative in nature, I'd get some self righteous zealots (often Christian) giving me stick. When I wrote things that were more personal and preachy, or something that revolved around God, people often got bored to death. So I figured the best way around it was to create two bi-polar opposites on my blog and carve out their own style. (Admittedly, I post mostly as Mr moron here nowadays, I post on my other moniker on another blog).

Mr Moron may be a fictional persona, like the tons of others out there like Bubblemunche, (and Rockson likely being a fictional character too), but he's actually a facet of my personality. I can be at times be cynical and sarcastic, really caustic with my speech, though it's never my intention to hurt anyone's feelings. Still, i can get carried away sometimes and become downright mean. In order words, I just try to amplify certain genuine feelings I have and exaggerate them so that I have sufficient rants for Mr Moron to post up.

but it's becoming really draining on me to be alternating between two completely different personas, although I genuinely enjoy the diversity it allows me in blogging. And I like their different personalities as well. But it's really tough trying to compartmentalise certain feelings, and segregate them and allocate those feelings to different personas. It sucks to be a double minded man.

So from this day forth, I'll be posting back as The Rogue Slayer on this blog. comments wise, if I have been posting on your blog as Mr Moron all this while, I would naturally be sticking to that. Like for example, I feel more engaged with certain blogs when I put on my 'Mr Moron' persona. I don't go to Ms.B's blog or Intellectum Valde Amat with the mindset of a Christian zealot hoping to get some spiritual nourishment. I try to laugh with them, empathise and see things from their viewpoint, which isn't really hard actually.

Anyway I figured that, whether I post all my most sincere, genuine feelings on another blog or not is inconsequential. If people really want to find it, they would. And I think during this period when there's a whole lot of hoo-haa over blogging privacy, i realized that it doesn't matter where I blog out my innermost thoughts, it's still as accessible as any other blog in the planet.

Also I kind of got an epiphany while reading ms.b's blog awhile back. She made a stunning statement (albeit a very simple, earnest one) that kind of shook me up a little.
She said:

It feels good to be loved or at least appreciated.....Sometimes I think all people need is a little kindness. I don't know if it works for the rest of you, but a little kindness does a lot for my mental state.

If anyone of you here follows her blog, when was the last time she actually said something like that? I would never in a million years expect her to write something like that on her blog (even if she really does feel that way) considering the tough, cynical girl reputation she has garnered for herself. But she did! 2 whole sentences dedicated to love and kindness.

Which led me to wonder: No point being ashamed of penning down my poignant thoughts or ethereal elucidations. Just be myself, lah!

Hope you guys aren't shocked Raymond and I are the same person (GEEZ I love talking about myself in the 3rd person!). I think some of you saw that coming!

Funny Conversations I hear on the Bus

2005-08-30T22:46:00.000+08:00

Of late, I've been pretty convinced that experiences on public buses or trains make for great stories. In my daily commutes between home and other places, I utilise both the bus and the MRT, and while it can be troublesome and tiring travelling for more than an hour every single time, weird experiences often keep things fresh for me, and make travelling via public transport less mundane. Besides, taking one many taxis has really been hurting my pocket.

A few days ago, I just encountered 2 students from a girl's school, most likely some Catholic school, making a rather unusual conversation. These days I see some of these girls on the same bus all the time, and they'd usually be bitching about this girl being immature, that girl being rather selfish, their certain Friend A being close to them but thow they prefer that certain friend they're having the conversation with on the bus. Basically, all the secondary/college school girl crap you have probably heard of a million and one times. I've really gotten so sick of hearing them I just zone out every time I happen to overhear such conversations.

These 2 girls I was on the bus with the other day were first chatting about frivolous, trivial schoolgirl matters, when the conversation quickly developed into how they are so pretty. Erm, yeah, you heard it right. These girls were all wonky all of a sudden, and quickly shifted the conversation to how they are pretty, and their families saying they're pretty, and how they used to be even more pretty in primary school. This of course, elicited every iota of my attention because hey, 2 girls on the bus squealing out loud how they are pretty in front of everyone else? That certainly isn't a scene u see every day.

The girls were like, 'oh you know I was prettier last time' and 'my aunt say I'm quite pretty' and 'oh ya, actually you're really quite pretty!'.

One of the girls soon spoke a line that would forever be etched in my brain as the most shameless/bhb statement in the entire universe (besides all Donald Trump's incessant self ego-stroking)

Girl:I am so pretty that my aunt even used to call my cousin Ugly Duckling last time.

Me: ?!?!?!?!!!!

Fatboy Slim makes for Great Saturday Late night listening

2005-08-28T01:34:00.000+08:00

I couldn't come up with a better title so I'm just sticking with that.

Saturdays seem to pass by too quickly. But I have Fatboy Slim's music to keep my company.

We've come a long long way together,
through the hard times and the good,
I have to celebrate you baby,

I have to praise You like I should.

One- Nil

2005-08-23T00:02:00.000+08:00

Liverpool 1 Sunderland 0
Man Utd 1 Aston Villa 0
Chelsea 1 Arsenal 0

3rd one was a fluke.

Bleah.

BAD BLOGGER NAMES!

2005-08-18T20:02:00.000+08:00

(Note to all: This post will mention certain bloggers in it. Please do not be offended, if you are mentioned, if I dare to mention you out here, it means I read your blogs and like them generally. This post is about bad blogger aliases. Nothing to do with the blogs itself.)

Recently, I felt very burdened about certain issues, and one of them has had such a dire effect on me, I could not help but slip in thoughts about the subject throughout the day. Yes, in case you haven't exactly grown a brain, my title says it all: bad blogger names.

I'm extremely affected by people using bad blogging aliases/nicknames. Ok correction, not affected, just irritated. For an avid blogder like me, I've realized that blogging monikers reveal a facet of your personality, and more often than not, your blogging aliases give readers a very important first impression for you. Which is precisely why I feel so jittery when I see people using bad blogger nicknames, because blogging nicknames really should show off your online persona, ya know. But I've realized that many bloggers, including some famous ones, have chosen to throw this consideration into thin air and entirely disregarded the importance of having meaning to a blogging nickname.

First stop, there's the sexually ambiguous ones. What I strongly feel is that, if you have drag fantasies or homosexual tendencies, keeping them to your private self would be ideal. Showing off that side of you to the world just isn't very desirable.

I have to name names. Ok ok, Vandice, I'm sorry, but whoever would have guessed that you were a male? I read your blog and love it, but initially when I stumbled upon your blogging nickname, and saw your profile picture, I couldn't have guessed that you were a guy. I mean, what kind of male name is Vandice? Perhaps it could have been the name of a significant person in your life? Either way, this just sound right. I might as well have just called myself Lindsey or some other name like that, if I wanted to keep my sex a mystery. Which isn't good, because i realize the possibility of attracting hot chicks through my blog. I wouldn't want gay men flocking after me. And what's with the profile picture!

Then there's Tinkertailor. I couldn't freaking tell that he was a 'he' until I read other bloggers referring to him as a 'he'. God knows why any normal grown male would choose to take on a name that sends serious schoolgirl-vibes throughout the blogosphere. I mean, doesn't that name remind you of Tinker Belle, that sneaky little pixie in Peter Pan? And I'm like, tinkertailor... hmm sounds like a pubescent schoolgirl stuck with her little Barbie doll collection. Wouldn't any ego loving normal guy choose to name himself something like Mr Moron to earn brownie points with the chicks? A good blogging name can drastically up your cool factor, ya know. (ok, forgive me for my self indulgence.. and lack of humility)And for the remote chance that you're reading this, I'm totally for your blog. I just have a problem with the nickname, so no offences man.

Ok, then there's those that just doesn't make any sense at all. I've always been a huge follower of Gabriel's blog since way back. And I'm sure as hell glad that he chose to reveal his real name, because no one in the freaking world would want to call him Agagooga by mouth. I'm still trying to get that whole word wrapped around my brain. I don't know what that nickname means, or if it's supposed to mean anything at all. I was thinking about it once, and I believed it was the noise babies make, ya know... "GAAAA....Gooo....GAAA!". Something of that sort. Either way, trust me, if the meaning of his name (of thereof) already confounds you, you wouldn't want to read his blog. You'll just feel intellectually inadequate trying to decipher the mensa-esque mumbo jumbo on his blog.

Next up are the typical schoolgirl cutesy names, like *~mImI~* or MyDarLinGrOx!!~~^_^. Of course, these names are rather ubiquitous, and are rampant among the secondary school-ish blogs. Of course, there're the fair share of more prominent bloggers using act-cutish names, but no point mentioning them here.

Ok, then there're the downright ridiculous ones. ~~Smalldick~~Big**** would be an example. Ok this one's self explanatory. 'Nuff said.

I kind of understand bloggers want cool nicknames to make them sound hip and all, but they really need to find something that symbolises something about them. I have often wondered what the famous blogging daddy mrbrown's name means. I thought he was named after James Brown, but then again, that theory's rather plausible.

There's also the bloggers who use their own names as their blogging monikers, which I have nothing against, except that it's boring and dull, and now even cliched. Before it was like all cool and unique and a way of showing you are being yourself, but now it's just boring meaningless. Of course, if you want to use your real name as your nickname, you can add a touch of class to it by shortening it. For example my co-blogger's nick, lyn, is a great example. It's the short form of Marilyn, but it makes people think it was originally Lynn, minus the 2nd 'n'. Now that is such a cool nick! Heh.

Finally, for the sake of equality, do not pick a chinese hanyu pinyin nickname for goodness sake. I mean, even if it's a local blog, not all the readers out there understand chinese, and they wouldn't even know how to pronounce the nicknames properly. Isn't that tantamount to discrimination? And oh, if you have your blogging moniker pronounced as 'Xia-suay'(hokkien for lose face) on National Television, then you know it's time for you to seriously consider changing your blogging name.

Yikes. I better stop this post now before I get over-zealous fans slinging mud at me. I have better things to do with my time than clearing hate mail in my email account.

Blogger names I like:
ms beautifuk
lyn
Popagandhi
Tetanus

It seems females generally have better taste in names than males, sad to say.

And yes, I know what you are thinking. Like my name says, I'm indeed a moron. well, that's the point, yeah. At least my name is the way I am.

I Hate Dumb Movies

2005-08-16T13:03:00.000+08:00

*this post was written 3 weeks ago*

A few weeks ago, I was just writing out a post on the Fantastic Four, but didn't have the discipline to sit down in a go to actually complete it, since I wanted to upload tons of pictures but was way too lazy to. So today, I shall post on another movie I watched recently, with the most minimal amount of pictures.

It garnered rave reviews from critics all over the world, and I think the general (if not unanimous) opinion was that it was a riot of a movie, very very radical.

I didn't like Sin City, if you may ask. It was obviously pure pulp thrill, highly stylistic in terms of narrative and the way the film was shot. And filming an entire movie in black and white in this day and age is unprecedented.

The whole film was yeah, v stylistic. And great credit goes to the cinematographer, really. But I just thought the whole idea of the Yellow Bastard was just way too ridiculous. I mean, an entire film in black and white and now this yellow bastard (whom my friends and I call The 5th Teletubby) comes out of nowhere and gives his crazed look. Blah. He died in the end, which I am glad for but...

He got his testicles ripped off my Bruce Willis. That scene almost made me regurgitate my lunch.

**actually I was gonna complete it but I got too lazy so I'm just putting this up for the fun of putting it up.**

My Little Willy

2005-08-12T16:37:00.000+08:00

I came across this while I was surfing around yesterday.

This is just so NOT right.

Happy Belated Bday, Singapore, LAH. I use Singlish too!

2005-08-11T12:50:00.000+08:00

Ok, I admit I had to very grudgingly put it up because I couldn't even really be bothered about National Day this year, except for the fact that it was a public holiday and I could go out and have fun. I wanted to post something about National Day this year, but then I realized there was absolutely nothing to blog about National Day. What's there to gush over and discuss about-- soldiers jumping out of helicopers? Fireworks that we see every year? Certainly, those sights are already common and are things we've already taken for granted that we'd definitely see every year.

And so I thought I would have nothing to blog about, until a conversation with Friend A. Friend A and I were talking to a mutual friend, friend B, and we were talking about his good friends/buddies and those he couldn't exactly clique right away with.

Anyway Friend A told me that Friend B couldn't really communicate with another friend, C, because of the way he spoke. Now, C and I are prett good friends, and I thought he was the sociable sort that could get along with almost everyone. It was his amiable, cheerful disposition that made it easy to become friends with him. It wasn't about him being so charismatic, that he had a disarming quality about him, no not that at all. It was just I guess, pure friendliness and cheerfulness.

The reason why Friend B couldn't really communicate with Friend C was due to the fact that Friend C spoke a lot of singlish. Now I'm fine with that, because most of my normal friends do not speak crisp Queen's English anyway, and singlish was our standard language of communication. However, Friend B was a rather Westernized young man, and spoke with a light American lilt to his tone, in other words, he came close to having an American accent, but it was too light to pass off for one. But one of the things he just doesn't get is Singlish. Ok, I understand the fact that some people speak very very heavy, strong Singlish and it can be a little tough to understand them sometimes. That's all understandable. But here was the killer.

Me: So I don't think Friend B has any problem communicating with me right?
Friend A: No leh, actually he has a little.
Me: What?!!

This was their little conversation.
Friend B: I can't understand what Friend C is saying. Mr Moron* also.
Friend A: Nonono, Mr Moron's english is generally good ok.
Friend B: Oh Ok, I think it's just gotta do with the lah's and the lor's.

If the conversations are confusing you, basically Friend B thought my English was bad because I used Singlish and he found it difficult to communicate with me.

This made me darn hopping mad. NO ONE HAD TO EVER DEFEND MY COMMAND OF THE ENGLISH LANGAUGE BECAUSE EVERYONE ALWAYS KNEW I WAS LINGUISTICALLY ABLE! MAN! Seriously, I used to ace my literature and English classes back in secondary school. And back in college, I was the best in my class for General Paper and not to mention one of the best for Literature as well. I know these are not accurate gauges for linguistic proficiency, and are rather inadequate forms of measuring one's linguistic command, but I'm so pissed now I'm just going to use that to justify myself.

And here's a small record of literary achievements I'm proud of: Reading most of Roald Dahl's books by Primary 4 or 5.
Completing The Chronicles of Narnia by Primary 5. (Beat that!)
Reading Thomas Hardy's Far From the Madding Crowd in Primary 6.
Scoring distinctions in English and literature in secondary school AND college.

Ok, I'm showing off, but who cares.

The fact that Friend B doesn't quite grasp the unique sub-language that is Singlish quite astounds me, considering he has been living in Singapore for almost... 16-17 years? The preference to speak perfect English is one thing, but if you can't even understand the most standard forms of Singlish used in conversations all around this country, can you call yourself a Singaporean? I sure do not think you qualify to be one, having been bred and raised in Singapore since young and failing to adequately understand that unique form of communication.

Mind you, I am perfectly, totally capable of speaking impeccable Queen's English IF I WANT TO. Writing wise, I opt not to use Singlish too because I think it can be mentally degrading, especially because writing is not just an outlet of expression but it also entails serious thought to elucidate one's feelings coherently. If we carelessly just utilize too much Singlish in our writings, not only does it look ugly, it shows how little goes into thought on our blogs. But speech and conversation is different. I would find it a huge burden to consciously rehearse the things I want to say in my mind and then speak it out in perfect, crisp Queen's English. It's something I'm capable of, but I rather go with what is natural to me and throw in the 'lah-s' and 'loh-s' for the sake of easy communication. Of course, that would be out of the question if I'm speaking to Westerners/Caucasians. Duh.

I'm darn pissed off. Since when has the usage of Singlish been a distinctive trait of people with a poor command of English? I tell you, half the bloggers out there are an eloquent, articulate lot, but when it comes to conversing in real life, Singlish comes out of their mouths naturally. I hate being judged for having poor English just because I speak Singlish! And no, I don't even use it that often. It's just that occasional lah-s and loh-s. OCCASIONAL. I barely even use hokkien phrases.

Sometimes, the overusage of Singlish can be a tad annoying, I admit. I cringe all the time when I watch Phua Chu Kang. Ok, so I can count with 1 hand the number of times I watched that intellectually degrading show, but for all the few episodes I watched (which was already enough for me), I always remember being rather irritated. More because of the tone of their speech, and their absolutely slapstick crap than the use of Singlish. But I'm digressing.

I think an attempt to eradicate or condemn Singlish as a whole is rather repulsive. The usage of Singlish IS an idiosyncracy of ours, the inhabitants of this little sunny island, and to rob us of that quirk would be to take a big part of our culture away. Singlish is inextricably linked to our self identity as a nation, and I think it should be left that way, considering we have nothing distinctive as a country to speak of. Sentosa? No way, they have Disneyland. Tall skyscrapers? Nah, there're way taller buildings in other countries. Young teenage deliquents? The punks in other countries makes our rebellious teenagers look like little lambs.

What is left to our credit is our reinvention of the most widely spoken language in the world. It's our defining mark, definitely.

****

Oh, Happy Belated Birthday Singapore. But no, i didn't watch the NDP because the soldiers jumping out of helicopters and the fireworks fails to enthuse me anymore. They try hard to elicit interest, but it's not working. But that doesn't make me any less proud of my country and my culture.

Hold Your Breath when You Enter the Toilets.

2005-08-04T01:03:00.000+08:00

Via Nna

This leads me to the topic I'm about to discuss today: dirty toilets and the inconsiderate acts Singaporean do to exacerbate the whole dirty toilet situation.

Well, every bugger living in this city already know how Singapore is a Garden City (*trying to stifle my laughter*) and how we're always praised for being clean and lauded as being an uber hygienic city. Well, the praise has always been lavishly heaped upon us Singaporeans by foreigners. By what does a Singaporean say about our own city? That it's actually not that clean, the praise is highly exaggerated, that disposing and people spitting on streets are so ubiquitous you can't walk 10 minutes on the streets without encountering some act on inconsideration.

But my pet peeve in particular is not vile oral excretions on the streets. That we can avoid if we see, and usually under the hot sun, the excrements dry up quickly. (ok the thought isn't that pleasant after all).

What I want to talk about here are the rather bad conditions of toilets in Singapore. Generally for the more frequented landmarks and locations, the toilets there are well maintained and a joy to be utilized. Places like the top notch hotels, shopping centres (generally, there're some shopping centres with horrible toilets), and upmarket office buildings in the City area, definitely come with impeccably maintained toilets.

However, for the less upmarket buildings, or the less 'tourist-y' spots, the abysmal standard of toilets there are just beyond comprehension. It's so terribly dirty, you feel like you're transported to some dingy shacks on some impoverished African nation. Anyway these are some of my observations of my experiences in toilets and my thoughts:

(make sure you haven't just eaten your lunch before reading this. it's vomit inducing and will probably get you regurgitating out your breakfast or lunch.)

1) the seat on the toilet bowl is for you to sit. if you think its dirty, get your tissues out to wipe it clean before sitting.

2) if you have to squat, do it on the rims of the toilet bowl.

3) Many Singaporeans litter their excretions outside the toilet bowl when it is so huge, expecting it to grow wings and fly back into the toilet bowl. The toilet bowl is so huge, all you got to do is to place your butt right smack in the middle and you're sure not to miss.

4) Weird men like to let people know they're weird. When men pee, we unzip our flyer and get down to business. Weird men unbuckle their belt, pull down their bloody jeans and underwear and reveal their butt to the whole world. This certain DOESN'T quite scream out "H-e-t-e-r-o-s-e-x-u-al", you know. Behave like a normal man and pee normally without parading your unsightly butt to the whole world, you exhibitionist freak!

5) And oh, it doesn't help that your butt resembles two huge potato wedges.

6) When you've just came out of a huge concert or gathering and have to go to the toilet, being a guy can be really beneficial. The female queue to the toilet is comparable in length to the Great Wall of China while the there's nary a queue to the male toilet at all.

7) I'm bloody sick of seeing those uncles outside the toilet collecting 20 cents stating its the "entry fee". What bollocks! Did these greedy uncles ever fork out a single cent into the construction of the toilets?!! Did they have any significant contribution in the operation of the toilet? Even if they do have a stake in maintaining the overall cleanliness (or lack thereof) of the toilet, they should be paid a cleaner's pay, and not leech money out of poor customers like us.

8) And for goodness sake, if you have the audacity to collect money from us, keep the toilets decent. Meaning, clean floors, no tissues strewn all over the place, no clogged sinks, and replenish the supply of toilet paper regularly.

9) Some guys are either blind or too dumb. When you see a urinal clogged up with tissue and urine, please have the common sense to use another one! What are you trying to do, fill it up to the brim so that it'll overflow and splash its sickening contents unto the already dirty floor?

Ok, that's all I can think of for now. All the disgusting thoughts I'm trying to suppress are driving me nuts.

Please allow me to be a wonky juvenile for 1 day.

2005-08-02T17:50:00.000+08:00

I'm freaking over the top today. Why? I'm on a half day leave tomorrow.

And I desperately need to take tomorrow afternoon off because I need to catch a breather and seek some respite from all the crazy stuff happening over at where I'm stationed at and get away from all that hustle and bustle. Self-preservation, in other words.

Actually, the main reason I took the afternoon off tomorrow was because I had won a 100 dollar James Blunt CD Hamper from Perfect 10. I was listening to the lunchtime show with Jamie Yeo during my lunchbreak last monday, and she asked us to guess a song by giving us 2 lines of sample lyrics. She said some lyrics out and I immediately recalled the song to be "Beautiful Day" by U2. Immediately. I feel so darn proud of myself. And Jamie Yeo even said that day's song was hard to guess because of the lyrics she gave. But because I was such a HUGE U2 nut, I actually kinda memorised the lyrics of that song a long time ago. So, no problem at all. In the end, i was the first to reply her with the song title and ended up with a 100 dollar James Blunt CD Hamper.

Coolness eh? I'm not very sure whether he's the kind of singer I'd listen to. Personally I like old school rock (not too heavy) like... Jet, as well as artistes like John Mayer and Jason Mraz. Hope I'll like James Blunt's CD. Hopefully it's not commercialized pop. Hopefully it'll be one swell album.

Heck, why do I even care? It costs me just 1 dollar for the sms-es anyway. Any CD (hamper) this cheap is definitely good.

We'll never be Wonky again

2005-07-31T21:51:00.000+08:00

Anna, anna, I'll miss you like CA-RAY-ZEE. I'll drop you an email sometime soon, do reply to it to keep in contact!

I'll be keeping my eyes wide open to look out for the return of the Wonky Tong.

First Eddy Neo, now Anna Neo.

Now Hisreason, in the future, Herreason?

Bitches should be sent to the 18th level of hell

2005-07-28T08:14:00.000+08:00

Warning: Utter incoherence coming up.

I was at the MRT station today, taking the MRT to wherever I was headed. I actually feel that MRT Rides in the morning are rather gloomy, you see all the clearly exhausted corporate worker types dozing away, or the typical uniform clad student doing some last minute mugging for his exams. I rather like bus rides, however, somehow they seem to refresh me a lot more.

Anyway the whole ride was pretty much normal, and I was voraciously devouring my new copy of Time magazine. I love reading in the morning, provided I'm not stone-tired from having too little sleep the previous night.

So anyway I got out of the MRT and was waiting to switch trains. I was walking around while waiting for the train and was walking through this small space between a pillar and a big rectangular sitting block. Just then as I was walking through that small space, this woman just came out of nowhere and decided to walk through the same tiny space and headed down the escalator.

Problem was, that tiny space was not big enough for 2 people to walk through at the same time, though it may be possible if both of you squeeze. This ,Queen Bitch from Hell(QBTH) did not even bother making a detour around the pillar or bother saying excuse me or let alone squeezing a little so that both of us could get through at the same time(she was walking in my opposite direction, so in other words she was walking towards me.) So she conveniently knocked into me without saying sorry and continued walking hurriedly off to the escalator to get down. She even made a "tsk" sound at me, sounding irritated that i was obstructing her way, when in actual fact I should be the one screaming my heads off at her.

That level of annoyance was so intolerable to me, I almost spun around and grabbed her by the arm and bitch slapped her over her stupid cum-stained face. Seriously! EVERYONE in the morning is in a rush, so the shoving is understandable if you are in a CROWD. If it's just another person obstructing your way, at least bother to make a detour because the MRT station is damn frigging big.

Seriously, can't people exercise some consideration at public places? MRT stations are places where horrible acts of inconsideration and selfishness are commonsight. I understand the gloomy atmosphere in the morning-- the drudgery of everyday work and the prospect of you going through the motions of another typical working day doesn't quite exactly cause endorphins to rush through your body to perk you up. It's a dull, sian feeling, I get that. But is that an excuse for such a blatant act of inconsideration and selfishness? Hell, no one even pushed me back in my college days and this Queen Bitch from Hell actually pushed me? Without saying sorry?

Of course when I said I was about to hit her, I was kidding. I don't hit girls. Not even guys for that matter. But I was sure as hell pissed with her and wanted to curse. Then i turned around to get a closer look at her and realized there was no need to curse. The moment I looked at her, I was filled with an immediate sense of vindication. Why?

Because first she had pudgy legs (not that I have anything against that). Secondly, she had a disastrous sartorial sense. She was wearing this gawdawful shirt on, and a very unmatching long dress to boot. To top it off, she was wearing , get this, SNEAKERS to complete her extreme makeover of the Damned. Who EVER wears sneakers to go along with a long dress? All right female readers, correct me if I'm wrong here, since I'm not the fashion expert. But to me, wearing sneakers along with a long dress just looks weird and screams "GEEK!" out loud. Hey, maybe having fashion faux pas is the fad nowadays! She might be another aspiring wannabe waiting to join the ranks of Bjork, Michael Jackson, and Britney Spears. Oh, and 3rdly, she doesn't look like she has a boyfriend, despite her not-so-youthful looking face. Not surprising though. If you're grumpy and rude and selfish and rough, would any guy want you? Haha!

Revenge is so sweet.

A Big Thank you

2005-07-24T00:38:00.000+08:00

Thanks to all of you who have shown me your support in my minor bout of depression the past weeks. I'm more or less outta it now, thank you very much.

Updated: The Double-Minded Man.

The Queer and The Querulous

2005-07-22T12:14:00.000+08:00

My sister sms-ed me the other day whether I would want the DVDs to any TV series like Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel, because she was overseas and could get the fake copies for a really cheap price, like 1+ singapore dollar for a DVD. Now, is that a bargain or what?

Naturally for a guy who obsesses over those two shows, spent tons of money renting 2 seasons of the respective shows each, and spent 140 dollars buying the DVD of thecomplete season 3 of Angel, I was pleasantly surprised. My sis also asked me whether I would like other series like Law and Order, CSI, etc.

I think at that moment in time I almost had a mental orgasm. I was higher than a junkie on E, I tell ya.

And so my sis came back with her loot: season 1 and 2 of Nip/Tuck, season 6 of Buffy(which I watched on TV and loved), season 1 of Desperate Housewives and CSI, Season 1 of The Monk, and lastly season 1 of Queer as Folk.

Now, when my sister actually asked me whether I wanted the TV Series Queer as Folk, my answer was a resounding YES!. At that point in time I didn't really know what that show was all about, though I had an inkling as to the inclination of the show, which could be surmised from the connotations/nuances of the word "queer".

Yesterday, I just got about to watching it. I could clearly remember the feelings and thoughts I had throughout the show. It went something from uneasiness to shock to disgust to awe and back to disgust. Basically for the rest of the 2 hour pilot episode, my primary emotions were oscillating between heartfelt sympathy and absolute disgust. After 5 minutes, I was already contemplating shutting off my DVD player. After 10 minutes, I was thinking whether or not to watch the rest of the episodes, even though it'd be a waste not to since my sister bought it.

So here's what that show's all about: Gays. And by that I mean homosexual men and lesbian women. It's basically all very whacked up. This affable and likeable guy, who turns out to be gay, is introduced to us as the protaganist. He's not obviously gay, and he remained in the closet while at work. He has 2 best friends, also gay ( duh) and he has this boyfriend/significant other in his life.

Here's where it gets shitty. The protaganist, Michael, and his boyfriend, Brian, wants to be more important in each other's life, but Brian indulges in flagrant infidelity and has many quickies and flings. And Michael is annoyed, but not consumed with rage. I mean seriously, if you significant other is screwing someone else(or many others for that matter), all you can muster up is just annoyance towards the other person? What about rage and contempt for your Significant other? Weird.

I think I just don't understand and empathise with gays at all. Really, their lifestyle is really confusing and... weird. I don't mean to be all judgmental here, but seriously, I find it a the whole business of kissing someone your own gender VERY icky. And I can't imagine them breaking the hearts of their parents should their parents find out their true sexual orientation. And I should say many ( but of course not all) homosexuals lead a very, very licentious, hedonistic lifestyle (as gleaned from the portrayals of homosexuals on television, though those could be crap stereotypes).

Not to say they should be condemned as a whole. I mean I sympathize with them on the fact that they couldn't help being born with some genetic defect. But I still feel gays tend to blame nature/fate too much when it comes to their tragic lives (or so they always claim it to be). I mean, I believe homosexuality is more a nurture than a nature thing. Genes/DNA/hormonal imbalances or whatever biological reasons may partially be responsible for the makings of a homosexual, but I believe what's a bigger factor is the influences around you. Whether you had a strong male influence in your life since young (esp for the guys), whether you had ever been sexually abused before, and the company you mix with. I believe genes and DNA account for more of your personality, not your sexual inclination. But maybe that's just me being a prude.

Either way, I'll get back to my thoughts on the show. In one very disturbing guy-guy soft-core sex scene, this guy was on top of the other guy, and you could see their butts in their naked glory. Goodness during that scene I almost gagged. But guess what, one of the guys acting in that scene is perfectly straight! Good ol' heterosexual guy! (of course that means the other actor is a homosexual, duh) And one thing I feel about that straight guy is that he must be one helluva daring experimentor. Being a straight guy AND doing a stimulated guy-guy sex scene on television takes a lot of damn guts, because you could be unfairly labelled a gay for the rest of your life, which most straight guys would perceive as a huge insult. But this guy did. And to me, that is an actor in its finest, someone brave, someone daring, someone willing to experiment and immerse himself into the character he's playing.

I was reading an interview just now with the actor who plays the main protaganist ,who doesn't get any actual simulated sex scene but only guy-guy kissing scenes, and he's straight as can be. In fact, he compared kissing a guy to kissing a dog, though he got flak for that comment. But no matter how great an actor you are, I believe when it comes to kissing someone your own gender, there'll definitely be a strong "ICK" factor there, no matter how professional you are. I give these guys props, for being straight guys acting in a show filled with gays, to give awareness to the world about an alternative culture and lifestyle, to help bring more understanding and empathy towards people who are different from us, and to eradicate xenophobia once and for all.

I'm disagree with homosexuality; but that is no reason to hate homosexuals. By showing a little bit of tolerance and love towards them, perhaps we can seek to reconcile our differences in a far more effective way.

And I've decided to carry on watching the rest of the series. (away from the prying eyes of my parents, of course)

P.S. I think my blog is sufferring from an estrogen overload. The comments for my last posts came purely from females! Anna, Lyn, lynne, Almonds, Laughingcow, I love you all, but can I please add that I want more male comments on my blog PLEASE! B.o.Y, Julian, Beng, are you guys listening?!!

Dang it, I knew I should have stuck to a black background for my blog.

P.P.S: I'll probably be doing a continuation to this post sometime soon.

Meme or youyou?

2005-07-20T17:48:00.000+08:00

If you're an avid blog reader, it'll be normal for you to have stumbled upon the ubiquitous 'meme' word. If you're one of the more normal ones out there, you'd have actually been perplexed, and probably took some time out to ponder upon the meaning (or lack thereof) of that word. It's such a phenomenally inane word that I'm close to ripping my hair off every single time I stumble upon people using it.

Can someone please tell me the BLOODY meaning of that word? Because till now I can only have a vague idea of what it actually means. And not to mention try to fathom why on the blue moon would people actually use such a mammothly act-cutish word in their blog. Maybe it's just me being over-sensitive to tard-ishness. I mean I'm perfectly fine with terms coined by the blogging community. Blogosphere, blogicide, Browned, Tomorrowed, Xiaxue-ed, whatever... but this word's so absurdly lame it brings out goosebumps whenever I come across it.

****

Does anybody think that Harry Potter is overrated? Because I sure do. I mean I sure loved the movie because it was pure visual delight, with the grand sets and impeccably done special effects. But the book's way too boring for me. It does nothing for me at all. Perhaps I'm just cynical of the popularity of a book (largely) catered for young readers, perhaps the style doesn't suit me. Either way, I couldn't even get pass 20 pages of the first book. Imagine my shock when I heard the huge queue that formed outside Borders on the day of the Harry Potter book launch. Singaporeans, so typical and predictable. Queueing is perpetually their favourite activity.

****

Fame comes with a price. Cliched but bloody true. Look at Xiaxue. Her blog account just got hacked into and now she has to restart her whole blog over again. I say hate makes the world go round, not money or love. Is she really that annoying till the extent that she could actually provoke such an malicious attack on her? I say, no. I don't particularly like her, but this kind of attack on her certainly seems too harsh.

Do I still want to be famous? Hell yeah.

White-Wash

2005-07-19T15:52:00.000+08:00

Yes, you're at the right blog, in case the bright white background shocked you. I know I'm changing blogskins even faster than the rate at which J.Lo changes husbands, but I'm fickle-minded for one, and also came to a sudden realization that a black background did not suit me at all. It's time to move on to a white background then. I'm sure many of you wouldn't mind: it's far less straining on the eyes.

I guess it's a case of how I feel even my blog layout reflects my personality ( or at least online persona, to be more accurate). At one point of time I believed a black background would be more appropriate in conveying a "I-don't-give-a-damn-about-anything-in-the-world" vibe but now I feel I'm shifting away from that kind of persona. Angst and cynicism is no longer the predominant aspects of my posts anymore, are they?

Ah, the simplicity of white; really lets the words speak for themselves. No mask to hide under, no skin to crawl beneath.

****

I guess I'm beginning to take blogging more seriously now. I've always loved reading, and writing even more so. Writing on such a pervasive medium like the internet is great, simply because it's a great avenue to garner a sizeable readership quickly. You know more and more people are taking blogging seriously when over 400 people turned up for the Blog Con, organised by the Tomorrow editors.

The general consensus among bloggers was that it was a hoot, though certain journalists called it a big yawn. I do not really want to go in depth in discussing about it here, since almost every other blogger in Singapore is already doing that. But I'll just leave you with a quote by MercerMachine, who says in response to the journalists' opinion:

In any case, I wasn’t aware that the convention was organized for the express purpose of amusing SPH reporters. I must have missed that memo.

Well said, dude!

****

for those absolute idiots on trackbacks and technorati and all that weird blogging mumbo jumbo like me (thanks Marilyn for helping me with all that crap), you can check out Tym's brief and concise tutorial on trackbacks and technorati.

Same old crap on the newspapers

2005-07-18T10:40:00.000+08:00

If it isn't about the whole NKF hoo-haa (which I honestly don't give a damn about because I barely donate to NKF anyway), it's either about the London bombings or TomKat (what the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes relationship is called). If it isn't about Tomkat, it's about about how well War of the Worlds did. If it isn't about any of the above, it's about how Angelina Jolie is some shameless home wrecker, causing the divorce between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Or perhaps it's about her adopting another child...

The only news that enthuses me at all is the fact that the higher powers have decided to double the resources allocated to fighting poverty. All thanks to the effort of the Live 8 concert! Everyone, do your part to make poverty history please!

Blogi-der

2005-07-16T19:57:00.000+08:00

Ok, what's the death of a blog called if it's not a so-called 'suicide'? Blog + Murder= Blogi-der. Not exactly ear-pleasing, but I had to interrupt my long hiatus from blogging because I just found out something shocking.

Adri's blog(or rather just a website of writings, since she didn't want her site called a blog anymore) just got shut down. Probably because she couldn't afford to pay for the hosting services anymore.

I'm in a state of perpetual gloom now.

But at least I know she'll be back soon.

A New Beginning

2005-07-12T02:59:00.001+08:00

We all have goals, dreams, needs and desires.

Wherever we are now, no matter how far we are from these things, we have to start somewhere. We need a starting point. Perhaps we've been rotting away for the most part of our lives, but we can always have a new beginning -- it's a matter of will.

At least, I have.

My new blog, The Double Minded Man has been created. I'll still be posting here occasionally, but it shall not be my primary focus anymore.

Thanks for being faithful readers for so long, and do continue to support Mr Moron.

A New Beginning

2005-07-07T23:14:00.000+08:00

I just had a chat with a good friend of mine over MSN. At some point of our conversation, I realized he had told me everything I knew about my blog and my blog persona, and yet those things were precisely the things I didn't want to hear, though I knew it was true.

I started out this blog with lofty ambitions and noble goals; me and my pathetic ideals of wanting to influence people or impact people and blablablablabla. Truth is, that's easier said than done.

I wanted to write because I thought it was Cathartic; by articulating my innermost thoughts and penning down my frustrations, I could be liberated from those pesky emotional shackles. But along the way, I became yet another readers-whore and decided to write for others instead of showing genuine fragments of my self. Obviously, writing for others isn't exactly a very liberating experience, though the thrill of making a connection still provides an adrenaline rush.

I think there comes a time when change is good. I can't go on this whole blogging business without taking a breather. No, I'm not giving up on this blog, I'm just taking a break-- for self preservation, that is. I need to reflect; I need to find myself again. I'll probably be starting another blog, one where I can show snippets of genuine emotion and vulnerability, where I can escape the judgmental eyes of most. One that can also serves as a journal of a spiritual walk, like Marilyn's blog .

I won't be giving up this blog just yet, but I'll be taking a break. In the mean time, I'll pass the reins of the blog over to Mr Moron and let him entertain you.

I've got many skeletons in my closet, some waiting to come out; but in another place, most definitely.

A School of Rock is much needed

2005-07-05T20:04:00.000+08:00

I'm sure many of you who even bother reading the Straits Times, especially the Life! section would be well aware by now about the School of Rock competition, whereby the winning band would win a $5000 cash prize and a management contract. The whole hoo-haa about the competition on the newspaper is getting to me because the column inches dedicated to it can easily match up to that of the TomKat affair.

I was reading an article by this blogger Ichoisarius, an SPH scholar, and I believe he was obligated to attend the event. He was obviously horrified by what he saw (and heard) and I quote him:

As for the SOR - good god. I was late for that, and thank whatever gods exist. I only sat through ten of the fifteen rock bands scheduled for the morning, but that was more than enough.

Some observations:

* Singaporean rock bands don't sing. They scream. Badly. Like Constantine Maroulis when he goes all skkkkkkreeeaaaaggghhhh. And sometimes they growl. Also badly.

* When they sing, you understand why they scream instead.

* They think that the louder their electric guitars / acoustic guitars / electric pianos, the better. Which is just wrong, really, because then it's just a deafening babble of noise, and because then the vocalist can only be of relevance when he/she shouts the lyrics. Then it's just bad.

* Saying that your trademark palm-to-audience gesture during a rock song is the result of a Spice Girls song ("Stop right there, thank you very much...") creates cognitive dissonance, laughter, and instant evaporation of all rock-credibility all at the same time.

* Fifteen minutes tuning an instrumental set-up is a really looooooooonnnnnnnngggggg time to take.

Hilarious eh?! Anyway allow me to elaborate on his post a little.

Rockers think it is cool to be rebellious. Ok, most rockers at least. And what is their definition of being rebellious? Wearing chains, spikes, dying their hair some awful colour and generally just not studying at all. I don't think those things necessarily epitomise the concept of being rebellious. Being rebellious for the right things is all fine and dandy, but when it comes to something as ludicrous as not studying, that gives me jitters. No wonder there are so many dumb people in Singapore nowadays.

Generally I don't think you have to be really rebellious to be a rocker, at least not according to the conventional stereotype of what it means to be rebellious. But anyway, they insist that rockers are rebellious, when every single one of them is dressed exactly the same way, made up exactly the same way, and with the exact same attitude to boot. Funny.

When you're mixing with some of these self-professed rockers, you don't ever look at their face. Your eyes will always be fixated by their horrible t-shirts, piercings or tattoos. Which is good in a way, because generally these rockers put on some much hideous make up (to achieve a Goth look) that it simply looks repulsive and disgusting.

Being in the same room as almost 50 other people dressed in black can be really depressing.

No matter how many times the rockers scream "how ya doing people" or "Com'on People", you can't help but feel a lack of atmosphere. Sometime you snigger at their rather futile efforts to, in rocker's speak, "bring down the house". Yes, enthusiasm does not make up for a lack of talent. Sadly.

A management contract is not the same as a recording contract. THANK GOD.

Blogosphere and The Real Life

2005-07-02T18:04:00.000+08:00

****(I've finally decided to stop apologizing for taking so long update my blog. I mean, this is my blog, I'll update it when I see fit.****

Sometimes, I wonder, what are the lines that separate the blogging world/virtual reality to our own world. What defines the real world from the blogging world?

Naturally, one would be quick to draw up the conclusion that the differences are rife. Th persona you portray on your blog can be representative of your real personality, but it can also be in diametrical opposition to your real character. After all, no one is able to observe your actual demeanor, all they see are words on your blog; from there, they gain a peek into who you are, and the rest is inferrence. In other words, if you choose to portray someone totally different from who you are, not many people will be able to discern the fact you're putting on a mask in the virtual world.

Traditionally, actions in the online world did not carry such weight to it as it does in the real world. The repercussions to irresponsible actions on the net were not as harsh as those in the actual world, or in worst case scenarios, there would not be any repercussions at all.

However the more I think about it now, I begin to question the differences between the real world and virtual one. I mean, to think that one would know a person's real personality and character even through one-to-one interaction has to be an erroneous perception. The fallacy stems from the fact that people believe they would be able to discern a person's emotions from his words/facial expressions etc, but then again, a person can easily put on a mask even with his friends. Doesn't that make it similar to the situation when one is online? Of course, portraying a different persona from your real character online is to a certain extent acceptable, since no one actually knows you, and it wouldn't be in any way cheating anybody. Besides, many write to entertain and educate, so giving people misleading perceptions into their personality is not necessarily a bad thing.

As for consequences of misdemeanors online, look at it: SarongPartyGirl posed up a nude photo of herself with her face blurred and the whole media ruckus commenced. Isn't that a really harsh consequence? And Xiaxue got stick a little too bad. Seriously she should have been more tactful with words regarding the whole SPG issue, but I think a little slip of the tongue doesn't warrant her getting a whole truckload of hate mails right?

I hate this, but I thought blogging/reading blogs/engaging in the blogging community is supposed to be a cathartic activity? Where we achieve a sense of relief, where the comments of other sympathizers serve to vindicate you? Idealist if you call me, but I always thought the blogging community was supposed to be nearing a utopian society, you know, where most of us got along together. I mean, differences in opinions are naturally unavoidable, but at least differences could be resolved through empathy, and voices of dissension would not arise.

However of late, I've been seeing a lot of ugliness in bloggers. Aside from the whole SPG tussle involving SPG and XX, I've been seeing arrogance and mockery in the blogosphere. All of this, coming from reputable bloggers.

A couple of weeks ago, a certain Tomorrow editor ( one of the lower profile ones) dropped by Nicholas Liu's blog, of which I visit a lot, and slammed him with an insult, saying he had an "elitist narrow-minded perspective of the world". (If you guys really want to know which tomorrow editor it is, check out the comments of Nicholas Liu's May 31 post). Following which, that Tomorrow editor continued to create a big commotion on Nicholas' blog by posting lots of inane comments. And then some time ago, another Tomorrow editor, of whose blog I visit a lot too, went on to great detail about how we all want to be Tomorrow-ed, though I construed that whole post as a self-aggrandizing speech, like "hey, I'm a Tomorrow editor, and Tomorrow rocks, so move along".

Firstly, not everyone wants to be Tomorrow-ed. I've said a million and one times that I always hope that I'll get a higher readership, but I do not want to sell my soul to secularize my blog and make it commercially viable or go all the way out to appeal to readers. I know my blog is rather offbeat, and at times self-indulgent, but hey, as I've said, this is my blog after all (ok, so it's shared, but who cares), I'll do as I see fit. Seriously, being Tomorrow-ed brings with it great benefits; firstly, you feel your effort's been appreciated, secondly, there is increased awareness to your blog. However, with all the pressure mounted on our shoulders, will we crumble and turn out blog into a site filled with vacuous trash? I mean, I visit Tomorrow all the time, and I've seen all those one hit wonders that come out of it. They get Tomorrow for once, and then they disappear back into the shadows of obscurity. What's the big deal of being Tomorrow-ed anyway? Seriously, I think there is a lot of interesting content/articles on that site, but the idea of being Tomorrow-ed is a little overrated.

But that is another story all together. What I want to say is, why is arrogance so prevalent even in the blogosphere? And I thought perhaps the virtual world was somewhere that we could do away with this whole shit about a sense of superiority. About thinking that YOUR OPINIONS are ALWAYS right. Sure, I like to be patronised a little on my blog, I hope most people agree with me, but sometimes I really welcome differing opinions you know, so that we get a whole range of perspectives on a matter. Bah.

Anyway Finicky Feline wrote a great article here. Go read it.

The Gentang* (Part 1)

2005-06-29T17:13:00.000+08:00

I got re-admitted into the hospital last Thursday (again). As some of you may know, I went for a nose operation last Tuesday, though I shall not go into detail here. On the early morning of thursday, my nose started bleeding uncontrollably and I was scared stiff. I prayed like a madman and my dad rushed me to the Accident and Emergency department of CGH at around 6am+.

I was initially reluctant to stay in the wards for observation, though the doctors recommended too, because after they stopped my bleeding, they said it'd be strongly advisable for me to actually rest in the wards for an entire day and to let me undergo observation.

Might as well.

I realized that it wasn't so bad after all. After spending large chunks of my time everyday while on MC blogsurfing away, and playing my computer like a deprived schoolboy, I realized just lying there on the hospital bed, reading a magazine and channel surfing away was extremely therapeutic. Being the cheapskate that I am, I chose the Class B2 ward ( which was my entitlement for my rank, a 3SG, meaning that the SAF would subsidise the fees for me). Fortunately, there was no more b2 beds left and I was upgraded to a B1 ward for free! Blessed, blessed me.

I spent most of my time generally reading my magazine, and channel surfing. I caught the repeats of American Idol in the late afternoon, followed by America's Funniest Home Videos and later Joey, Lost, and the O.C.

Anyway when it came to around 8.30, I decided to switch the channel over to Channel U to watch Jue Dui Superstar. You know, the talent show where a bunch of wannabes with lofty ambitions aim to make it big as THE next Chinese singing sensation. I've always liked reality shows like that you know, American Idol, and even America's Next Top Model, where everyday commonfolk go from normal civilian to larger than life superstar overnight. However after putting myself through 15min or so of the programme, I realized I could not go on any further.

I tried to rationalize this anomaly in my behaviour. Usually I watch American Idol every week with great relish, but why not so for its Chinese copycat version? Perhaps its the bad talent, I surmise. Yes, the talent is VERY bad. Some of them even make Sylvester Sim the gay boy look like Pavarotti. ( By the way, check out his new hair with those few streaks of purple hair. He looks gayer than ever.) But I think more so than that, is the fact that I just cannot stand most chinese songs. Sure I do listen to some great chinese artistes like David Tao, Jay Chou, F.I.R, etc. But largely, I feel that most Chinese music is crap. The Chinese music industry is replete with teenybopper girls that pubescent teenage boys drool over and adolescent girls idolize.

I get the question a lot, why I always listen to English songs so much and never touch a Chinese Music CD with a ten foot pole. Some are also perplexed why I watch so much American TV, just like Tym does. To that I'm still trying to figure out the answer.

From young, I had been infatuated with Western pop culture. More precisely, I would say it's American culture, since I don't really quite fathom why the Britons can spend all the day talking about the weather, and can even get into such heated fights over things as trivial as Premiership matches. (I'm a soccer fan here, but getting into fights over a match isn't just stupid, it's a testimony of the ugliness of us human beings.)

I think my mom realized I was quite the anomaly in our conservative Asian family. As such, she tried really hard to indoctrinate me with Confucian principles and Chinese beliefs and even sent me to Tao Nan Primary School and Chung Cheng High Main, both really cheena schools that I never quite fitted in properly. Of course, that could have just been a coincidence, since I was living in the East and all the best schools happened to be SAP schools (schools that offer the Higher Mother Tongue option).

I remember in primary school, whenever I went over to my grandmother's house to stay, I would religiously write out chinese characters over and over again -- the reason why I always aced my ting xie (chinese spelling test) in school all the time. My chinese grades in primary school always surpassed my english grades and I think for my rather mandarin-impaired mom, she was nonetheless quite pleased there was finally someone good at mandarin in the family.

Then later came my obsession with Enid Blyton, Roald Dahl, and detective fiction. Hell, I even finished The Chronicles of Narnia in primary school! All 6 books! Now, that is an achievement I tell you. When other boys my age were hooked on the computer all the time ( although I did play the computer a lot too I admit), I was actually reading my english books non stop! Then when I was 11 (primary 5), my english teacher actaully picked out my composition to read, in front of the whole class. I remember swelling with pride and makin a resolution to keep acing composition assignments in class.

I think that was when the tides were turning a little. My English grades were finally overshadowing my chinese ones, and in youthful fervour, I was reading at a pace of one book every one to two days.

Then came my suscription to SCV, and the access to all the cable channels came to me.
I was immediately hooked onto MTV and subsequently brainwashed by all the messages it sent out, the allure being way to strong-- resistance was futile. MTV and music (english ones!) became my waking obsession, and I would scrimp and save just to buy that one cd that I desired. I heard more english music than any other one in my secondary school class, since most of them preferred chinese ones. I only started listening to Chinese music much later on, when Stefanie Sun first burst into the scene.

It was only in JC, where my classmates were all very largely westernised, me coming from the Arts faculty and all, that I actually started to really treasure my Chinese roots and culture. I think my mom's one success is that, the 10 years of education in Chinese institutions actually made me fiercely loyal to my own roots. Sure, I still am infatuated with Western culture, and I love English music with all my heart, but that doesn't mean at all that I have forsaken my own Oriental roots. I love my culture; it's where I draw my strength from. I hold all my Chinese beliefs and principles close to my heart.

That's why I really feel obligated to write this post. Sometimes I feel misunderstood; people tend to take my inclination with all things Western as a sure sign that I was one of those people who wasn't proud to be Asian. You know those people that speaks in fake accents all the time because they think it's so cool, and those that scorn mandarin-speaking people because they take mandarin speaking as a sure sign of being square and unintellectual. I can say with all certainty that whenever I speak to someone trying to fake an accent, I have this visceral impulse to draw out my fist and give that guy a big punch. Why can't these people be themselves? Is it so shameful to be Asian?

To quote Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Always be yourself. Unless you suck."

How true indeed. No point being ashamed of the fact that I love Western Culture and movies and music. Even less reason to be ashamed of the fact that I am Chinese. I am an Asian and proud of it.

(Part 2 coming up soon)

*Hokkien for potato. It is often used to refer to Westerners or people who are very westernised because Westerners generally eat a lot of potatoes.

Yeah Baby!

2005-06-28T00:39:00.000+08:00

Oh My God. Who needs sex when you have super cool posters of the cast members in the upcoming movie Sin City.

Hot, hot, hot!

Smile of an angel!

Oriental Babe kicks ass.

Before the females complain for lack of eye candy...........

Ok, so not exactly eye candy. In fact, I probably look better than him. but hey, he's one hell of a fine actor.

Another fine actor.

I'm taking the lazy blogger's way out here by posting lots of pictures, but at least let me end of on the right note.

My favourite quotes from movies ever:

"Vengeance is a lazy form of grief" -- Nicole Kidman, in The Interpreter

"With great power comes great responsibility" -- Peter Parker In Spiderman ( ya la, I know this line very the cliched already la.)

"He's just a kid!" --- reaction among passengers of a subway train on finding out the identity of Spiderman, after a long hushed silence. In Spiderman 2

"Many men think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I make them alive. I'm just a f***ed up girl looking for my own piece of mind. Don't assign me yours." Clementine (Kate Winslet) to Joel (Jim Carrey) in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Did I just mentioned I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for like the 5th time yesterday? Nothing beats Sunday afternoons just spent lazing on couches rewatching your favourite movies on DVD. Absolute bliss.

This sort of idyllic lifestyle is so enticing.

Look who does surveys too?

2005-06-22T21:25:00.000+08:00

I just spotted this online survey on blogging via Tym and prompty did it.
In the survey, they used some advanced algorithm (or so i surmise) to create an applet to randomly choose 5 links ( any kind, blog links, article links, picture links, etc) from your blog.

It churned up with this 5:
1)Marcus
2)Falconer Designs. The stupid company/independent organization that designed this stupid blogskin. Yes, I downloaded it. You think I even bother to design my blog layout? Too lazy to. Thanks marilyn for helping me with all that crap.
3)Zenith
4)Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?-- Kenny Sia's quiz
5)Tym, whose blog I visit quite often.

*****
Some pictures to keep you guys entertained.

YES Plz!

- Keeping America Safe from harm

We don't want no pigs driving!

Now you know why they say not to let your mother buy your clothes.

I'll be back with my post about Friendster soon, as promised in the last post. Way too lazy now.

A lesson on Judgment

2005-06-22T18:05:00.000+08:00

FrO recently in his post commented about how he visited Singapore Atheist and he spotted links to a multitude of different fundamentalist websites. Godhatesfags, Godhatesamerica, Godhatescanada and what have you. Seriously, when I read that article, I was lost beyond words because I was so disgusted how people could actually be saying God hates these various group of people/nations. Somehow I believe those websites are put up by Atheists with nothing better to do than to mislead people, but I could be wrong. If I am, well, then I am extremely disgusted by those Christians who actually put up such crap. I mean, why are these people harping such absolute bollocks? Isn't it obvious God loves all?

But then, I rationalize, we Christians are the ones that force push people into skepticism. Most are cynical of God and His existence partly because we Christians have turned God into some fierce, sulky, angry entity. Using God to and the bible to justify their flagrant prejudices and biases is wrong, and detestable. God never said He hated fags; sure, homosexuality is against biblical rules, but He doesn't hate them. He loves them too! Well, Jesus made friends with the thieves, murderers and prostitues in the bible too didn't he?

I quote from Charisma magazine:

"If God's people are not equipped to give homosexuals the special kind of love they need in order to heal the wounds of their past and move into heterosexuality, then we haev no right to oppose them politcally.

No one has any business reading a signle book about how to oppose homosexuals politically until they've read a book on how to love them personally."

That's so true isn't it? Instead of preaching love, these goons turn a gospel of love into a message of hate. No prizes for guessing why there's such a plethora of anti-Christs/militant Atheists out there. (I am not conflating anti-Christs with staunch Atheists)

I'm not saying we should endorse the homosexual lifestyle. You see, the difference between moderates and fundies is how they deal with sin, not what they view as sin. Moderates just go "homosexuality is wrong", fundies go all out to destroy gays.

*****

Some time ago, my pastor was preaching about being a conversionist. Converting/restoring something to its original purpose. We are man have not lost our creativity/productivity obviously, despite Adam's fall, though the things that we do with our creativity has been tainted by our corrupted nature.

Hence, sex and drugs being replete on TV programmes. Not to mention all the negative messages TV shows send out nowadays: esp shows like Friends, The OC etc where everyone's sleeping with everyone. (OK! I admit I still do watch them, but that's not the point.). And yes, Hollywood is pretty much Satan's stronghold in many ways. Many people also say, "the devil has all the good music".

Anyway my pastor was speaking to this 'prayer-warrior', (I think someone whose job is just to pray ... like a warrior? don't ask me) and he was just asking her about what she was going to do about Hollywood. What this crazed woman replied was, she was praying for God to rain down hellfire and brimstone upon Hollywood because it was a dark, worldly place. Give me a break! To that, my pastor could only think in his heart :"man, this woman is one spiritual terrorist". She was not sending a bus full of bombs to crash into Hollywood, she was asking God to do it! Talk about lunatics.

Let's not distort the gospel of love into some manual of hatred. And yes, please learn to be a little less judgmental guys. Before God judges you for your crazy fundamentalism.

What's in Your mailbox!

2005-06-20T16:52:00.000+08:00

In the past few days while I've gone, a couple of things have gotten on my nerves. I found them so grating to me, I actually took the effort to post about them.

Yes, a couple of days ago, I actually went to check my e-mail, (online of course, with a rather respectable e-mail provider service.) Just after barely 3 days of not checking, I found my inbox and bulk mail folder filled up with TONS of absolute shit mails. So here I am, trying to give you a low down on the kind of crap mails people receive nowadays.

ADVERTISEMENTS

Ah, yes. The ubiquitous advertisements. Not a single online e-mail service is spared from the plague that is e-mail ads. There're a wide variety: the ones that promise to help you pay off loans, the ones that claim you've won a free car, the ones that offer to sell degree certificates to you, and finally, the penis enlargement ads.

obviously, the a**holes who created this junk mails ought to be shot. But what is more unforgivable are the dumb goons who actually open these mails, believing all the hollow promises they state in the mail.

*****Subject: Increase Your Penis length by 4 inches now! Scientifically proven to work!***

Click here now to increase your penis length by a whooping 10 inches! Forget other products, we guarantee 10 WHOOPING INCHES TO YOUR DICK TO MAKE IT AS BIG AS A BIG FAT ELEPHANT TRUNK! Experience the most powerful ejaculations you've ever imagined and turn your 10 inch appendage into the latest model of the SUPERSOAKER NOW, with a range of 100m! Be horny all day, and never let your partner down!

I think my new ad would definitely get lots of heads turning.

Generally, these mails are fine, since they get filtered through to the junk mail folder. I religiously just scan through my junk mail folder for any important mails that may have landed there, and then I just empty the whole thing.

Next.

CHAIN MAILS

These kind of mails used to be ubiquitous at one point of time. About 5-6 years back, they were at the prime of their popularity. Every single retard with nothing better to do would quickly forward tons of nonsensical mails to everyone in their address book, and making a plea to everyone who receive them to further spread the mails.

You know, to catch your attention, those pricks would come up with really creative subject titles like "IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GET CURSED PLEASE READ THIS!" or "IF YOU ARE NOT HEARTLESS PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO SAVE A LIFE!". Everytime I see one of these inane titles, I'm tempted to trace down the originator and then send him the most malicious computer virus ever.

For the "if you don't want to get cursed please read this" kind of mails, it always starts off with some pathetic loser girl who went out with this guy, inevitably losing her virginity to that guy, and then eventually totally losing that guy. In her utter state of despair, the distraught girl would, rather impulsively, commit suicide. But before that, she'd send out a mail, and make sure her ghost watches over that mail so that anyone who doesn't spread it would get cursed by her.

I seriously don't know which is more ludicrous. That girl being dumb enough to sleep with her boyfriend at her tender age, knowing that she'd probably not marry him -- and eventually committing suicide, which was actually brought upon her own self; or the fact that people can actually believe that ghosts actually watch over e-mails. Goodness. These idiots who invent these mails should really get a life. To this girl in question who committed suicide (which we all know probably) doesn't exist, I say: good riddance. Now your ghost can haunt me forever if you like. I don't give a damn.

Friendster/Hi-Fi/I'm-a-loser-and-need-a-social-club-website Friends request and testimonials

These are arguably one of the most popular nonsensical shit one receives in his e-mail nowadays. Friendster was the rage about 1 year back, and the popularity and obsession with it may have waned in recent months, but the requests and updates notifications still relentless plague one's mailbox (yes, I'm on friendster too.) I'm absolutely convinced it's one big fad, but I just can't wait to see the popularity completely die off.

I'm just so sick of receiving updates from friendster about my friends ( or sometimes, even strangers) on my account uploading new pictures or updating their profile. I absolutely abhor even stepping into the profile page of some people. you know, there're the standard pictures you keep seeing. Half the girls on friendster, I conclude ( perhaps prematurely and unfair, but nonetheless I don't care because I'm right most of the time) are bimbos. The girls are often easily identifiable -- always decked in clothes that scream "This Fashion', hair dyed in brown with blonde highlights, and with make up impeccably done. Why do their hair ALWAYS have to be brown? How creative indeed! And worse still, half of them does this stupid pose with their fingers in a V-shape -- it is so not kawaii lor.

" I'm sorry, I actually wanted to make a L sign, but people say that one is not good, so I make V sign lor."

Argh. More on friendster in another post.

Touched

2005-06-18T16:16:00.000+08:00

Two nurses wheel my out on the dingy little hospital bed, I decked out in a flimsy piece of cloth they call the operating gown. I stare up onto the ceiling. The white tiles file past my eyes as the bed is manoeuvred adeptly by the nurses from room to room. My mind whizzes. A torrent of contemplative thoughts swirl around my head.

"...And by HIs stripes we are healed." Isa 53:5

He will see me through.

***

I whiz past a series of automatic doors, finally settling down in an air-conditioned room. There a doctor comes to talk to me, and I faintly mutter 'fine' to his rhetorical 'how are you doing today?' question. The air-con was blasting strongly and I was shivering, what with me being in my skimpy operating gown. The temperature was so cold in the room it would be the ideal dwelling place for Mr Freeze. So, when the doctor finally injects me and hooks me up on the drip, I was already too numb to feel a thing.

Some restlessness ensues when I was waiting impatiently for the doctors. About 15 mins later, they wheel me into the operating theatre. I see lots of hi-tech, state of the art machines, the stuff you see on shows like ER, but when I was there, it seemed more like equipment from a Star Wars spaceship.

Then, the doctor injects me with something, as he mutters reassuringly into my ears: 'you'll be asleep in no time."

***about 2 hours later***

I opened my eyes, still rather sedated. The first thing I remembered when I partially regained consciousness was the doctor coming up to me and saying, the operation went very well, congratulations. I didn't really see him, I only managed to partially open my eyes, since as I mentioned, I was still rather sedated.

***2 and a half days later***

I'm back.

Yes, I've been discharged from the hospital and I'm now recuperating at home. The operation was a success, as I believed it would, thank God. My nose's still running like a tap, with the lethally disgusting combination of blood and mucus leaking out of my nose incessantly. Quite a chore to pick up the tissue paper every few minutes and having a wipe. Worse still, I can't blow my nose too hard or the wound would open and that would spell trouble... the consequences would be inconceivable. I think in that case I would probably pass out from excessive bleeding.

These 2 days, I've been rather passive all day, which is to be expected from someone who just completed an operation. Staying at home and catching movies on DVD, from Hitch to Closer, as well as some television programmes. I feel helpless and useless in my handicapped state, but nevertheless, too thankful that I'm still standing here, every part of me still intact.

Speaking of gratitude, this is really the main point of my post.

I have to thank every single one of you who wished me well, offerred me support, and said prayers for me. Extra cheers to those of you who took the extra trouble to come down to visit me.

Eunice and Natalie.. Thanks for being the first friends to come and visit me. You guys are so great, cracking me up and making me laugh despite the fact that I was in pain. Nat, thanks for staying at home the entire day to make the wonderful card for me. And Eunice, despite the fact that I looked like crap with a blood stained gauze plastered to the bottom of my nose, you nonchalantly shook it off, making me feel more comfortable.

Me: Are you girls grossed out by all this blood ?

Eunice: No la, come on, we see blood every month also lo. Used to it already.

Me: *laughs like an asthsmatic Darth Vader*

Now that was a good one.

***

Sharon, Shelia and Alvin. Thanks for visiting me though, and staying with me at the hospital to watch Jue Dui Superstar. though I disagree that i look like that blind guy. I look better than him! Grrr. It was really nice of you to buy the Teenage magazine for me, but should I point out, I've outgrown that juvenile crap. :P Thanks for just being there at the hospital bed, by my side, showing your presence. It made me feel so much better.

To all the other well-wishers, the members of E104 like Dale, Jingfa, Lynn - and others like Jieyong, Jasmine, as well as my akachi-s, xiuzhi, Jiajin: thank you from the deepest recesses of my heart for the effort to just type out that messge. Simple, but beautiful and important. :D

Goodness, even my twin brother called when he was having his nights out to ask about me. We've always been close, but I didn't expect such a gesture from him. I thought he would have just taken for granted the fact that I'd be fine. That was really nice of him.

Mom, Dad, you guys are just the best! And mom, thanks for being at my side all the time, buying all the drinks for me, feeding me with porridge, ah-por cooked and just showing me so much concern!

God, for the successful op, and the great people you've sent into my life.

Back to blogging, tv, and chatting as promised. :P

Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?

2005-06-17T23:56:00.000+08:00

Kenny Sia, Malaysia's funniest blogger, or so many have proclaimed, have created this quiz here to determine which Singaporean blogger you are most like.

Horror of horrors. This is my result.

Congratulations Mr Moron, you are...

'Big Fuck' J Schnorng of bigfuck.blogspot.com

You are a happy happy person. Either that or you hide your depression very well. You are so hyperactively happy you'll probably be overqualified if you were to work as Ronald for McDonald's. You don't bottle your happiness. You go out of your way to make people laugh, even if that means making them a photocopy of your naked ass.

Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?

I'm about to convulse in spasms of hysterical laughter. What the hell? I'm nothing like big f***. Worse still, I take that as an insult!

I think I should come up with my quiz sometime soon so that I can make sure I get the result I myself desire.

Then again, I can't think of any high profile Singaporean blogger I'm really like. I definitely do not fit the bill to be the next mrbrown, Mr Miyagi or *shudders* Xiaxue.

Sigh, if only there was a result that says I'm most like the Calm One.

An Excerpt: Alexander Pope, Eloisa to Abelard

2005-06-17T16:18:00.000+08:00

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd

This few lines are simply enchanting.

&*#$ off you DAMN prick!

2005-06-15T00:01:00.000+08:00

It won't hurt to do a little more flaming.

Thankfully, no one would take offence to this minor flaming, since the blogger in mention is a rather obscure, horribly inept one.

This damn prick going by the moniker ray@nyc has been leaving tons of shitty comments on blogs like Idle Days and Adri's blog. Come one. Those bloggers are huge names in the virtual one, and have built up a massive readership. Deserving too, of course I must add, since they come up with something interesting every other post.

But then, this stupid dips&*% has been going around these high profile blogs, dropping inane comments like, " I am a new reader of your blog, keep up the good work" and then dropping the url to his blog at the bottom of the comment. SO annoying I must add. Why, when after my blood pressure has abated and went back to normal after my rant-fest in the previous post, some annoying prick must come in my way and piss me off again? ARGH!

And worst still, that BLOODY DUMB CRAP has the same name as my co-blogger, Raymond Tan. Only difference is, my co-blogger is actually able to write well. This dumb prick has to go around whoring traffic off the blogs of others because he can never get any readers himself. ARGH.

I wanted to post something about sarongpartygirl but I think I'll save that for another time, tomorrow maybe.

My Life's in Good Hands

2005-06-13T23:18:00.000+08:00

I'm going for an operation tomorrow for my nose.

In case some of you think my fascination with the drama Nip/Tuck has caught up with me, let me assure you, the surgery is not for cosmetic purposes. Aesthetic concerns do not warrant a person going under the knife. Besides, I'm way too scared of the side effects and risks of an operation to ever want to attempt plastic surgery.

Speaking of which.

I'm a little nervous for the operation tomorrow. It doesn't matter how much the doctor assures you about the high percentage of success, or the sophisticated healthcare techology our hospital utilises nowadays, the facts remain -- there's always the risk of failure. I try to brush off negative thoughts on the possible failure of the operation, and - touch wood - even death, but as the date draws closer, those thoughts seem to hound my conscious mind so doggedly.

And then I pray.

*****

Funny how comforting it can be, especially in times like this, to know whose hands your life are in. It's just one re-assuring thought you get yourself to think, and suddenly the multitude of pessmistic thoughts, like a litany of short-term curses, are just washed away in a go. To know that your life's in good hands, to know Someone will not allow His work in me to go uncompleted.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Heb 11:1

I'll be ok tomorrow. Back to camp ( and blogging, and chatting, and TV) on Friday.

Blogging Nausea

2005-06-11T14:00:00.000+08:00

People are probably already sick about posts on blogging, but I was so irked lately I can't help but let a little bit of angst and frustration go by ranting a little on my blog. After all that's what I do best-- launching into bitter tirades.

"I won't change my stand that many Singapore blogs are bad. I repeat (for the hundredth and ninty nine time maybe), I am aware that I could be including MY own blog in "Singapore blogging is bad". But like I've told the 500,00,998 people who enquired, whether my blog is good or not is up to them to decide and I couldn't give two figs in the meantime. So stop telling me that I'm setting a trap which I'm falling into myself, yes?" -- ms. beautifuk, October 2004

I concur. Most local blogs out there suck. I put the rough estimate at about 80% of all local blogs. Again, I say, mine may be included. Still, there are always some good ones that do stand out. Those rare gems aren't that difficult to find actually, a couple of them are already listed on my Top-class reads section.

I had been in intensive blog-surfing mode for the past week, while I was on blogging hiatus, relentlessly trying to hunt down the obscure good blog out there. Naturally, I was more disappointed than I was delighted, because most of the links that I derived from some big name blogs turned out to be total shit.

I first started writing on this blog with an invitation from Raymond, and though I admit I always had a stereotype of bloggers being losers with sad lives, I've learnt to see them in a new light, and also to stop stigmatizing them. Hell, I can't be stigmatizing them when I'm part of the flock now right?

This might not be news to anyone, but the climate of the blogosphere has changed so drastically and rapidly in recent months that I'm left gasping for air. There are certain good changes: the sudden resurgence of political blogs are certainly welcome. Also, people are realizing how silly it is to be moulding their blog in the form of an online diary where they go on into great detail about what they ate, where the went, the shape of the shit, and other inane details which people read only to mock at. Oh, and unless you're a beauty to the scale of Cleopatra, please do not attempt to post up tons and tons of hideous pictures of yourself on your blogs. Yes, a few will suffice. Putting up tons of pictures of your friends, the food you ate, the clothes you fancy (which I think is rather trashy most of the time) and silly goofy pictures. If you really had to, you could have at least start up another photo log so you give readers that option. Not all readers are that shallow you know.

Irony is, despite msot bloggers being acutely aware of the fact that blogs which are moulded to be purely online diaries are just a tad boring and annoying, there seems a resurgence of such blogs. Perhaps its a resistance, people are thinking "you can't criticize me because I don't give a shit to what my blog turns out to be and I want to rebel and go against popular thought and make my blog exactly like a garbage bin full of trashy stuff inside". Well, in a way I guess they are right.

It's past 1 am and I can't think properly, let alone structuring this post coherently. I think I'll end this post quick.

I think bloggers don't celebrate intelligence enough. It's always more important to add that sheen of gloss to a blog to attract readers rather than actually write solid content. It doesn't always have to be great, long ( read: boring) essays in general, but it can be actually witty-funny and not cheap-retarded-funny.

Argh forget it. This post is so cliched. Hasn't everybody at one point or another ranted about the dismal state of the blogosphere before? This is ground everyone has tread on before. So I shall not elaborate.

Thanks for putting up with my ranting.

"....which is why style always trumps substance rather than the contrary. intelligence can only be appreciated by other intellectuals, who make up only a minority of the population. To win over the masses, you have to appeal to their mediocrity or apathy. Give them what they want and not what you know is right, and you're on your way." --- Redrown

TV is stale

2005-06-09T02:11:00.000+08:00

Today I got home and managed to catch Boston Legal on Channel 5 just in time.

It was helmed by acclaimed director/producer David E. Kelley, who also gave us hits like The Practice, Ally McBeal, and Boston Public. I call him the legal drama guru, though Bostom Public is an exception.

Boston Legal did nothing for me. The usual premise, several archetypal lawyer types (though there are 1 or 2 rather unique, well written characters) and several thorny issues raised up to pique our interest and keep us glued to our screen. The show didn't do much for me. I mean, been there, done that, legal shows have inundated our television screen for the past couple of years, what can possibly be new to us discerning viewers. We see the same plots being played around in different ways. It's just all way stale.

With the passing of several great shows like Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel, and Boston Public, I'm almost convinced that really good, solid shows with substance will never ever really reign in at the top of the ratings table. After all, society is filled with legions of airheads who would anytime prefer watching a television show about some fake millionaire, or some perpetually angsty, confused teenagers worry about who's sleeping with their boyfriends/girlfriends.

Just last week, I caught a full episode of Boston Public, the television programme highlighting the issues and problems teachers face, at the same time letting us take a peek into their somewhat enigmatic lifestyles. What they do out of the classroom is always elusive to us, but through the show I've really grown to empathize and relate with them on a greater level. Imagine the euphoria I experienced at the end of the show, having known I haven't wasted 1 hour of my life watching some vacuous trash. I think even that 1 episode really did impact me. And wow, I just love the dialogue.

I went on to the internet to check up the show, to do a a brief read-up on the various characters, since I barely ever watch the show. To my utter dismay, I found out the series got cancelled towards the middle of season 4. I was left disappointed, but more than that, upset.

It's disgusting how producers/creators of television shows are so preoccupied with viewership that they can discard their integrity (if they have any) and produce some total shit with zero value whatsoever to rake in the viewers. They are so caught up in the ratings game, all else become secondary to them: their passion to connect through art, to send messages out to society and generally at least to influence, or simply to touch some of the viewers out there.

The quality of television programmes is deteriorating so rapidly, I'm afraid the cognitive ability of its viewers are also declining proportionately. Seriously, I'm often left in doubt as to why people can enjoy watching a bunch of babes bitch incessantly and fight it out for the heart of a guy, when all they are winning in the end of the show is the chance to get laid with him. I mean, really, when a guy is all successful, does he really need a show to help him find a suitor? He doesn't even have to search, flocks of women would have already thrown themselves at him already. And why would people prefer to watch a pathetically unrealistic show about 4 desperate housewives with sad love lives over a true quality show like Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

I'm left very deluded as to the state of television and its viewers. I have lots more to write, but I think its pointless to carry on elucidating all my thoughts and dismay on the matter. Right now, I'll stick to the remaning episodes of Boston Public, Joey, Nip/Tuck, tennis matches and EPL matches.

At least LOST is premiering today. Let's hope it'll not turn out to be a big flop.

Queen of Comedy

2005-06-07T09:53:00.000+08:00

I officially crown One Little Twit Blogosphere's Queen of Comedy for this post and this. Right. Like what I say matters in the blogosphere at all.

But really, I haven't read such genuinely funny stuff in a blog in such a long, long time.

fresh off the dashboard...

2005-06-05T20:43:00.000+08:00

ahhh simplicity, how i love thee. this blog design is easier on the eyes, i hope?

How it is to lose

2005-06-03T00:26:00.000+08:00

Yesterday during a game of billiards with my friends, I realized something.

Losing sucks.

Yes, it may sound cliched, and a little too unprofound to come across as a revelation to me, at my age, but suddenly I see losing in a whole new light.

It dawned upon me: it doesn't matter what people say about losing being inevitable in life, failures being the mother of success, and other inspirational/philosophical crap. Losing sucks. End of story.

I was ~~getting my ass so badly whooped at~~ not having a good game of billiards, and normally I could take it with a pinch of salt, considering... it was my second time playing billiards. I was still in the stage of initiation into the game, a total greenhorn. And yet, the feeling of losing seems to be like tasting poison -- bitter, and toxic.

****

I remember when I was 10, still in primary school. An overwhelming desire for recognition and fame was the driving force behind me joining a skipping competition. Yes! You've heard me right. I joined a bloody skipping competition when I was 10! Don't you judge me, I was only 10 then, and I didn't give a damn to self image. And besides, I was from an ultra nerdy primary school, so there were many guys who joined, not knowing how this competition would tarnish their reputation and effectively render them single for the rest of their primary school life.

After practising like hell for the competition, I still lost. Bloody hell, with all that practice I KNOW I should have won. But I didn't. And that sucks.

I remember in primary 6, I studied my ass off for my PSLE. I ended up with a decent score of 254, but landed up only in a mind-****ingly shitty secondary school of which I have more nightmares than fond memories. What was worse was the fact that I put in more effort into my studies than my brother but ended up in a worse school.That sucked.

When Manchester United lost to Arsenal at the FA Cup recently, that sucked. Real bad. The defeat was like a pebble lodged within your throat, something you couldn't possibly swallow.

When Bo Bice lost to Carrie Underwood, I almost threw a lamb at the television screen. At the same time, I had to stifle myself from the barrage of expletives about to come out of my mouth, since there were many people around me.

This is a rather incoherent post, but I just had to put it down on my blog.

Losing sucks.

Heroes

2005-05-31T14:32:00.000+08:00

By now, most movie buffs in the world should have already caught Star Wars 3. I trust that most of my readers are current enough to have already watched it, unless they happen to one of the Anti-Star Wars breed.

I happen to be in that category too. While I do not deride and mock at the film as how my co-blogger does, I find the appeal of the show elusive. While the graphics and fight scenes were sure-winner elements of a blockbuster, other aspects of the film didn't captivate me as much.

Perhaps I never had an interest in sci-fi stuff. Perhaps I couldn't stand Hayden Christenson's one-note expression on his face. Perhaps I was just pissed that Mace Windu died and Yoda failed to kill Darth Sidious.

And yet, the show got me thinking. About heroes. I thought about what being a hero entails. Clearly, it isn't as simplistic as being the guy that saves the day. Anakin Skywalker rescued the city countless times, and yet in the end, had his heart tainted with lust for power, in the process losing his conscience and humanity. His master, Obi-Wan was shocked. The jedis in the temple never expected him to massacre them. In their eyes, he was a hero. Larger than life, glorified by all, elevated to the position of a saint. But often the heroes in our lives make mistakes and fall from the heavens, like Lucifer did.

*************************************************************

I remember when I was much younger, my hero was, well, Optimus Prime. You know, the good Transformer in the cartoon? Certainly, he does not qualify for the status of a hero technically, since he isn't even a human being to begin with. But it was the innate qualities he had -- bravery, strength, integrity, loyalty -- that had me so in admiration of him ( or 'it', for that matter). Aren't these all qualities that we emphasize on so much? Likewise till these day, these are some qualities that I espouse.

Of course growing up, your perception of heroism evolves a little, and new heroes/objects of admiration come into your life. I transitted from the phase where robots and pixies and dwarves were a large part of my life, to another phase where textbooks were an even larger part of my life. And then, when you finally reach that stage, where you realize that there is no Optimus Prime, or Batman, or Superman, you finally decide to make another human being your role model.

Initially, my first real (human) hero I admired was Eric Cantona, the infamous former Manchester United captain. Then a young boy captivated by the thrills and technicalities and aesthetic qualities of soccer, passion and love for a football club and admiration for certain players were inevitable. It was a natural progression for a young soccer loving boy to view this player as larger than life, in the process elevating him to the status of a deity. His charisma, his strength, fighting spirit, flamboyance, and even arrogance were something that gripped my attention and admiration so tightly.

Then I started seeing the ugly. His outbursts of temper on the field, the occasional tendency to play dirty for the sake of acquiring a victory -- already the norm in standard soccer games nowadays, especially the English Premier league-- finally got me crashing back to solid ground, forcing me to be down to earth.

Perhaps it was more his talent that kept me in awe. He did possess great leadership, charisma, and fighting spirit. I still respect and desire those qualities, and yet I came to view him as what he really was: a human. And he was a human with flaws he did not seek to overcome.

************************************************************

No man is an island; likewise no man is perfect.
Sometimes we view our heroes with such admiration, we see only the sheen of grandeur wrapping around them. We often see the facade; seldom the true depths of their heart. We fail to see their weaknesses, as we should, because it is only then we come into a realistic picture and perception of the true identity of our hero. Often when we admire someone so much, when certain people in our society are held in such high esteem by all, these people always fall in some way. Then our world is shattered; it is never possible to piece those fragmented portions of our heart together again.

I remember when I was much younger, a primary school kid. My dad may have visible imperfections, it was apparent to all. And yet I really looked up to him. He used to be in the basketball team of St Joseph's Institution, he was one of the few in his generation to end up in university, and he was an excellent student in his various institutions of education. He was the one who got me supporting Manchester United, not to mention. Imagine my shock when I found out in secondary 1 he was some sort of a porn addict. I remember my state of shock and disbelief. Porn is extremely common nowadays, don't get me wrong. But when your dad is in his 50s with a dying sex drive, and you've for life viewed him as a devoted family man, it is hard to fathom his penchant for salacious internet content. Also, you wonder if he doing it behind the back of your mother was tantamount to cheating. Of course, my mother eventually found out, but I'll spare you the details.

I guess that's why comic characters like Spiderman, Superman and Batman are so popular. These writers portray them as tragically human, grappling with human weaknesses. They are shown as ordinary humans plagued with crippling faults, and yet blessed with extraordinary powers. They learn to cope with their powers and their weaknesses after they come into realization that they possess extraordinary abilities. Comic characters are thus really in essence, what this world will never give us.

We don't get power and authority thrown onto us first without proving our integrity and striving to overcome our weaknesses. Which is pretty much unlike some comic characters, who only learn responsibility and integrity AFTER they get their powers.

****************************************************************

Well, I still have many role models in my life. I admire and respect many people for certain qualities they possess which I feel I lack, or which I strive to achieve. Still, there is only one real hero in my life now. He was human, and yet perfect. He had qualities I still constantly strive to possess-- strength, wisdom, determination, love and courage.

"Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried out sorrows;....
But he was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed."

Seeing Stars -- what's up with Star Wars mania?

2005-05-30T00:41:00.000+08:00

And so it began, with the Republic and the droids locked in a gruesome battle with one another. Their vendetta stemmed from petty differences and the droids' lust for power, and their fued dragged on for a long time. The massacre was great. A great loss of life was incurred on the side of the Republic. Things were looking bleak for them, who were losing power rapidly, and at the same time wrestling with many internal problems. But so legend goes, whenever crisis arises, a young hero will always rise up to the occasion. And so, a young, charming, valiant jedi came along. Having a talent so great it incites jealousy among the hearts of all, and with such striking and dashing looks it captured the awe of all.....

He was.....

Hippie Drunkie Yoda!

From the way I'm jesting, you can probably construe that I am not a Star Wars fan. Well, you're right. I occasionally cringe with disgust when people fondly mention Yoda, Anakin, Luke or even those frigging Chewbaccas with such glee. In fact, I got so sick of all the bullshit hype going on about this last installment of the prequel taht I decided to actually watch the damn show myself. And oh, I had a ball of a time there, I tell ya.

I loved the uber-cool fight scenes and the cool computer graphics. In fact, those immaculately designed and animated spaceship will cause any tech-crazy guy to be on Cloud 9. I call that a visual orgasm. Damn impressive graphics.

But what was even more fun for me to do during the show was to observe teh terrible acting and abysmal quality fo the dialogue.

Hayden Christenson, a damn good actor he is. Give my hats off to Hayden Christenson, I want to. ( I'm channelling some Yoda talk here.) When he is not flashing his pecs, ( which weren't really THAT impressive) he was busy looking all hot and bothered and confused. And oh, let's not forget, swinging a little silly lightstick around.

In fact, he was such a great actor, you could see all the intensity in the various facial expressions he dons. Oh wait, I mean, facial expression. Without the S. Because in the show, he has a grand total of.... ONE facial expression. Bravo Bravo.

Stupid broody look

Oh my gosh, you know what girls? I suck so much at acting that I have to do this intense eye thing to keep your eyes peeled onto me and your brains hidden away on the other corner of the planet. That's the only way you won't notice how much my acting sucks.

Hey girls, check out my intense macho guy look. Don't you girls just love my frown? Oh man, I'm so gonna get laid after they fall for my dark broody, intense guy character. Acting is a pretty easy job! A few frowns here and there and now I'm a star!

Wah seh, even better, I frown abit and I already look so evil! I am a damn good actor man. Of course, computer effects do help!

You see? The only look he has in the show is the brooding, confused, troubled look. Heck, my grandmother can act better than him. I swear he'd even make Keanu Reeves look Oscar-worhty.

Wonderful acting *pukes*

Although I may generally detest Star Wars, like Yoda a little, I do. A good fighter, he is. But so damn annoying it is, the way he talks. But I love Yoda so much because a certain picture reminded me of a way cooler famous movie/book character.

Classic Moments of Star Wars3: Epitomes of Cliched movie scenes
1) Anakin, staring at Padme.
Anakin: You're so.... beautiful.

Please call the mental institution to come quick! The scriptwriter has gone whacko! What kind of scriptwriter writes that?! EVen a primary school kid could come up with that.

2) Anakin, after chopping off Mace Windu's arm and causing him to be killed by Darth Sidious
Anakin: What have I done?!!!!

What have you done? You just read out a horribly dumb, cliched line written by the worst script writer I've ever seen.

3) Anakin (or Darth Vader), on realizing that Padme was dead
Darth Vader: " Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Yes, sorry, you signed that contract Mr Hayden Christenson, so you have to act out that very stupid scene even though you vehemently protest. Yes, I can feel your pain when you shouted that Nooooooooo out. Fortunately for you, that was your best scene.

Seriously, the great graphics and fight scenes, but terrible dialogue which just about ruins about the whole show. I just wish people can stop listening to all the shit about how Star Wars is so amazing, in the process being psycho-ed to believe so, but instead start judging the quality of the show for themselves. I rather watch an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer anytime rather than Star Wars. But hell, George Lucas is already one freaking rich fool, regardless of how hard I slam the abysmal movie.

Maybe the force is indeed with him.

Smokin' Pissed

2005-05-20T18:48:00.000+08:00

Apologies for the 3 day hiatus, a torrent of unncessary worries have been swirling around my mind, which I find hard to rid off. But finally I'm back to launch into another acerbic tirade against a group of people: smokers.

Ok, now now, please don't take it personally. I do not feel negatively towards all smokers. In fact, I have quite a number of good friends who smoke and I get along with them just fine. I am also aware quite a sizeable portion of my readers do smoke too. That is precisely why I have to make the clarification that I am not biased towards smokers, nor do I stigmatize them.

The only gripe that I have with smokers is the fact that many of them have rather inconsiderate, undesirable practices, which often get on my nerves. I have a beef mostly with old ah-peks or Bangladesh workers who enter the MRT right after they smoke. Those feelings of annoyance are aggravated when of all people, these group of ah pek and Bangladeshi worker-smokers choose to sit beside me on the MRT. After a hard day's work, when I'm all tired, spent and irrtable ( not all the time though, in case you paint a picture of me as this grouchy old slob), what you want to do is just to have some 'me' time on the bus or the train, doing some self reflection, observing people reading a book, or simply sleeping. The people in mention are a mammoth hinderance to that.

I mean, bloody hell, I can't stand cigarette smoke for nuts. Hangingout with a number of friends who do smoke, I've learnt to be a little more tolerant. You know, I don't want self-righteous people coming up to me and saying that I'm some prudish, xenophobic idiot who thinks he is so high and mighty that mixing with smokers is anathema to him. Now, I actually am pretty cool and chummy with many smokers, I reiterate. I must maintain that it's just their occasional selfishness and inconsiderate acts that irks me.

I'll get to the pint. 2 days ago, I was on the MRT, trying to just stone, relax, being in my own elemnt, cooped up in my own little world. I vaguely remember getting ready to to read a book, something I love to do on trains because I lack the discipline to do so once I reach home. Just then, this Bangladeshi Worker (B.W in short) came in, conveniently plonked down on the seat beside mine, which was weird considering there were a number of vacant seats around too.

I remember the instinctive response was to try to shift a little futher away from him, not because I'm racist, you judgmental pieces of shit. It was because he had just smoked before entering the MRT. The rank of cigarette smoke in his mouth could be smelt all the way from Timbuktu. In fact, it was so damn strong, even the B.O of an African refugee who has never bathed in a million years would probably smell like perfume compared to the rancid smell emanating from the B.W's mouth. The worst thing about smoke to me is, it leaves me with a really clogged nose, which exacerbates my post-book-out irritable state. If the late Pope John Paul II was in my shoes, I think he would have chucked away his role as saint of the cnetury and go "!@#$%^$%! You little piece of s***!" throughout the whole train journey.

I wanted to switch seats, I really did. But like Ms.Beautifuk, I may be a little cynical, a little caustic at times, sharp-tongued and full of acrimonious remarks, and even a little impatient, but I would never just get out of my seat and move to another one. I mean, it's just not me. What would that B.W think? He would think I'm some sort of racist bastard and hence I'd be unwittingly perpetuating the stereotype that most Chinese Gen-Y-ers are bloody intolerant. And also, the unapproving looks of people aorund me are not exactly desirable. Grudgingly, I tolerated the smell till I alighted, which was almost a good 35 minutes later. I think my threshold for pain grows everytime I force myself through such torture. My nose is still sufferring right now.

Also, another pet peeve of mine is when smokers do their little psyche-thing on you. You know, when you're the odd one out in a group witha majority number of smokers, or maybe you're alone with another smoker, and they fish out a cigarette for you. NOw that alone is perfectly fine, perhaps their intention would be to share something they perceive as enjoyable with you. It's what happens after they offer you a cigarette that pisses me off to no end. You know, when you decline their offer kindly, but a few of these dips***s will show their dumbness by asking you why, and you kindly offer an explanation. However, that is seldom enough for them as they occasionally take offence with what they perceive as a blatant form of rejection. Following which, they'll rebutt you with inane comments like 'Aut you're so old le, must try everything la, smoking also scared', or maybe "Aiya try one time won't die one la" or " Why you so square one? Smoke la!" These rebuttals sound familar, don't they?

Doesn't this remind you of some religious people? They love to impose their beliefs and thoughts upon you without respecting your wishes of honouring your own set of beliefs. Perhaps they are doing it out of love, but they are inadvertently causing even more trouble and frustration. Incosiderate fools. Bah. I'm so glad my day quit smoking 10 years ago after smoking for almost 20+ years. It takes strength and determination and great willpower to do so. Now, we can switch on the air conditioner without worrying about a rank of smoke permeating the room when he enters.

**No offence for my smoker readers! Just don't engage in the above mentioned dumb acts! And remember to drop a mint into your mouth after smoking!

To Live is an overrated concept

2005-05-16T01:09:00.000+08:00

I just read One Little Twit's post on what it means to live. I'll be doing a back to back post with Raymond and he should be commenting soon.

Life. The one word being mentioned and a multitude of ideals ricochet off my mind. A life well lived constitutes so many different aspects, but it really is beond definition because it's such an ambiguous term. The true meaning of really living eludes most.

Generally, to live well entails raising up a good family, inculcating good values in your kids and training them to be good people, excelling in one's career and being a success, contribute in some tangible way to society. When people think of an ideal life, they think -- financial prosperity, a nice family, active social life, spiritual well-being etc. Preiously I would not have actually given a damn to something as insubstantial as spiritual wellbeing, but the New-Age movement has to some extent invaded my life and jerked me out of sweet oblivion, making me somewhat mindful of such a ridiculous concept. . Spiritual wellbeing. Huh?

Anyway, to me, all the above mentioned things are good, and yes, are things we should strive for. It is indeed a Herculean task to balance a successful career, healthy family life, and an active social life, as well as do charitable works, and the list goes on. Still, to many, it is imperative they do so, because often these things define their lives. These things gives meaning and satisfaction to their lives. It is to them, living.

And yet, even though the above mentioned are so blindly sought for in life, when I mention to live, I mean it more in a stripped down, undiluted manner. Often we all get so caught up with the above mentioned aspects of life like family and career that we neglect the unquantifiable, less pragmatic aspects of life. When have we taken the time to take an early morning stroll in the park? The fresh air, so crisp in your face, and you just bask in the moment, soaking in the serenity of the atmosphere, enjoying the splendour of nature. When have we let go of our 'adult' mentality, let loose our inhibitions, and do crazy stuff like playing in the playground? ( yes, it's embarrassing, but still, who cares?)

Most of all, how many of us still do actually dream? Call me an extreme idealist, which I in fact am, but I will not budge in my opinion that every single human being needs to have dreams. The PAP maintains that we must have a pragmatic approach towards life, but idealism is still damn bloody important to enthuse people! To keep them expectant, so that most of them don't go crazy over their very existence and start blowing their brains out. We need to be idealistic to keep that thin thread of hope of the realization of our dreams still inextricably bound to the fabric of our mundane, dull, tragic existence, and in doing so retain some of our sanity is this screwed up world.

Well, I for one, love dreaming, and I have many lofty dreams and goals. I may not be the kind of person that Raymond, my co-blogger is. I abhor metaphysical musings, I despise the whole notion of religion, the values it extols and the erroneous concept of how it is the answer to your life, the special soemthign that fills the void in one's life. I find the fact that so many people think they were born into this life with a purpose rather deplorable. Sometimes, it's amazing how man is so proud as to aggrandize their very existence, having this false sense of self importance, thinking they were actually born into this life with a purpose. Such inane thoughts are in fact the epitome of futility.

To actually dwell on thoughts of one's purpose in life, to me, would be pointless mental meanderings, because ultimately, can anything we do in life really amount to something? With the notable exception of a few, like the key political players, i.e. George Bush, I think we'd be going to our graves without anything we actually do in life amounting to much. Linkin Park hit the nail in the song 'In the End'. "In the end, it doesn't even matter" they rant away. Isn't that so true? In fact, to simply just live your life following your dream, not pondering on silly nothings, should really be the philosophy we must all espouse. to ponder on metaphysical aspects of one's life would be an absolute exercise of futility. In fact it would be an impediment to actually really just living out one's life.

Which is why I dream. To keep me hoping, to keep me sane, in a world that seems so bleak. to give me the strength to live out a life where death is a certainty.

Or maybe I should just get a girlfriend or some sex.

"The hardest thing in this world is just to live. Be brave. Live. For me."
-- Buffy the Vampire Slayer, to younger sister Dawn

Look, Christians are not boring

2005-05-15T21:46:00.000+08:00

Contrary to popular belief, Christians are not boring people.

As a Christian, I have always had a beef with that misconception. Ok, sure, so some people find us irritating. Or they can't fathom the way we behave. But seriously, I like it that way. It gives me a sense of individualism, and I get a kick out of it.

Till this point, I thought I have been in a pretty cool church. Which of course, I am. Until this pastor from this church came down this week and blew my world away.

You should see the youths from his church. Any atheists would deride them for being a bunch of hyped up fanatical zealots, but they probably just couldn't give two hoots to popular opinions. When they started launching into their praise songs, man they really PRAISED. These guys can jump! Their latest album is just simply fantastic.

I realized that what pastor said is true. To many who first enter the church, they must be thinking we are a total bunch of nuts! But indeed really, this is the gate of heaven.

admin: comments available

2005-05-14T16:30:00.000+08:00

just a little notification that you can now leave comments. have fun everyone! cheers!

Crushing defeat

2005-05-12T12:14:00.000+08:00

The Red Devils lost the devils in them. Going from 1-0 up to an eventual 1-3 defeat to Chelsea. The irritating, stuck up, !@#$%#$%^%^%& Chelsea?

I think my disdain for Chelsea dwarfs my dislike for Arsenal. In fact, I now think that I dislike Chelsea so much, I don't have any more negative feelings for Arsenal!

Oh well, I think it's time we let Chelsea take a SNIFF of the trophy. I mean, how sad can they be? 50 years without touching even coming within a mile's reach of the title, and finally they clinched it convincingly and with a few records to boot. But oh well, we're merely LENDING the title to you ok, so just take this year to savour the smell and touch of the trophy because next year the trophy will be ours. Yes, that's right, smell it , hug it, kiss it, whatever, just do it for 1 year because that's how long you have to treasure it.

Next year, the expiry date for your trophy is coming, Chelsea. And that's no such thing as renewal.

Cold Turkey

2005-05-10T22:57:00.000+08:00

I've decided to quit playing Warcraft 3 once and for all.

The Exclamation Mark Blog!

Moved

UGH

School is Fun

Pew Pew Your face!

Time after time

A Shadow

I realized something...

What Really is Winning?

Vanity Fair

Break

where is Popagandhi?

A Lousy Poem

Never call me HARDCORE.

Smiley Faces

Something to celebrate about

Friends. Solitude. Me.

A Christian in Reflection

The Four Meme

Hellhole!

I do not get angry easily but this makes my blood boil....

Still Alive

When the New Year Didn't Seem So Great

GRRRR

Now We Wait the New Year

Christmas Crowds

The Chronicles of Narnia and X-men 3

Holy crap! -- Singapore Idol is Coming Back To Our Television Screens!

To Eternity and Beyond

Why Do People Watch Oprah Winfrey?

It's Weird...

Lazy

Your mother is so fat, that when she jumps, she wil get stuck! Thank you!

madly, truly, deeply

I'm a Geek and Proud Of It

Do You Have a Long Middle Leg?

To forgive is to Forget.

Why I Sometimes Prefer to just Shut Up

Because Escape is Not an Option

Audio Blog?

"Piracy is not killing music- stupidity is!"

GOAL! and buy the VCD instead....

Did I See You In A Limousine, Fling Out The Fish and The Unleavened

HTML Nut

Awesome

Butter Scones, Passion Tea, Battlefield 2 and Death Cab For Cutie makes my day

The Special Moments

Changing The World

Keep Your Lousy Comments To Yourselves, Kids

The One About My Movie Experience

Get to know me better!

Life sucks when

Links that get me all excitable

How I react to hate.

The Paradox that is Blogging.

The Return of Disjointed Posts and A Stunning Revelation

Funny Conversations I hear on the Bus

Fatboy Slim makes for Great Saturday Late night listening

One- Nil

BAD BLOGGER NAMES!

I Hate Dumb Movies

My Little Willy

Happy Belated Bday, Singapore, LAH. I use Singlish too!

Hold Your Breath when You Enter the Toilets.

Please allow me to be a wonky juvenile for 1 day.

We'll never be Wonky again

Bitches should be sent to the 18th level of hell

A Big Thank you

The Queer and The Querulous

Meme or youyou?

White-Wash

Same old crap on the newspapers

Blogi-der

A New Beginning

A New Beginning

A School of Rock is much needed

Blogosphere and The Real Life

The Gentang* (Part 1)

Yeah Baby!

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