Tuesday, May 02, 2006 

A Shadow

I always find myself being really drawn to angsty, cynical characters on television shows, like Claire on Six Feet Under and also Angel and Faith on Angel. I often find myself trying to come to terms with this fact and rationalizing the cause behind it.

It's always as if these characters have a shadow over them, tailing them wherever they go, doggedly, perpetually evading their attempts to ditch it. Like it or not, we all have our own shadows, ones that stick by us 24/7, inextricably bound to some intricate part of our existence. I keep thinking, what exactly is this shadow? This is going to make me sound crazy but I think its... silence. And death. And fear that I'd never live out the life God has intended me to live.

Voices are what makes us unique - our opinions and views on different things as different unique beings. Death sometimes scare me - that I'd be robbed of my voice, condemned to a voiceless void for eternity. Even for a Christian , I sometimes do struggle with those kind of thoughts too.

But the tragedy is not in death. Everybody dies. Some live to a century, some pass away of cancer in mid life, some never make it even through their first day. I guess it's the knowledge that you never lived up to the full potential of your life, and basically pissed it all away. That scares me.

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