Friday, October 29, 2004 


Today i will officially quit writing a nice inspirational blog piece. I am super super pissed now and I am on my ranting spree.

All right first tings first, I don't know what the hell got to my stupid com, but I have this inkling that my brother over the weekend had to feed his insatiable appetite for *ahem ahem* and had to visit some *ahem ahem* sites and downloaded some *ahem ahem* stuff. Now, I'm not pretending to be innocent here coz I've actually seen some b4 last time, not that i'm proud of it but instead I feel crappy abt it but that's another story. The fact is that I just wished he'd stop using it on my room com coz i'm using it everyday! If he wanted he could have just used my dad's com which is filled with *ahem ahem* stuff coz my Dad is also a chee ko pek. Whahaha although of coz I love my dad to the core. I just can't stand the fact that he is 61 and still into viewing those stuff... gosh I can't even think about it. It's disgusting. It's so unimaginable it ranks right up there with your parents making out. Anyway my bro must have downloaded some stuff or visited some site and on monday when i used the computer, all of a sudden those stupid casino and porn ads and pop ups came up!!!! Grrr... The person who came up with ad ware and spy ware deserve to be shot, crucified, stoned, spat on and tortured to a v v v tragic death. And if you are asking how could I be so cruel, well, this is my blog and I say what I want to say! GRRR stupid adware and spyware is totally frustrating! It's as frustrating as Arsene Wenger's pathetic sore-loser complains about how unfair the Man U win was. Haha ok but that's a whole other story altogether. So pissed off with my com!

I am so stressed with my life right now. In camp, the people are rather nice, I am under study of a very very nice guy, really cool guy. But aiya, it just really sucks. Monday I was really down with flu and wanted to report sick outside and the Staff sergeants made a big hoo haa out of it. And on Monday again I sinned super big time. Haiz... why everytime I say sorry to God over and over and when I think I'm finally going somewhere and won't have to say sorry again then that's when I make a mistake again? :X I'm so sick of saying sorry. I'm so sick of my weakness and lack of willpower and my utter lack of discipline as well as lack of self control. But sometimes when I think I'm spinning out of control.... the Holy Spirit will reassure me that everything's ok and that I'm forgiven and that I've just got to be strong in God and not repeat the same offence. But sometimes I just can't stop condemning myself. Anyway I just don't know. Sometimes when I'm doing my normal work stuff in my camp, I wish I'd be less blur! Make so many cock mistakes...haha ... although now I've learnt to take myself less seriously and just laugh off my mistakes... my friends in camp also just laugh at them sometimes... they're really nice to me... although they also get a little irked at my blurness sometimes... haha but it's ok! But really why I'm stressed with the people is the fact that I can't conform to their expectations and what they want me to be because I'm a Christian and I'm different... but they don't get it... there's sosososososo much pressure. I think I'm going to put up a few different posts today... coz if not this post is going to be too long. haha

Thursday, October 28, 2004 

my world is spinning round...

it's exactly one week to the a levels. kinda freaky. and revision is yet to be finished. blah.

hey raymond, do update. i'll probably be taking a break from blogging to give me less excuses to come online. =|

Thursday, October 21, 2004 

Great Triumph Comes Out of Great Tests!!!

All right, I ripped the title of today's blog of my cell group leader's MSN display name... I thought it was really cool and inspiring.

These few days seem to pass really quickly. It's like most of the time I always think that the weekends pass very quickly and the weekdays pass very slowly, but now I realize even the weekdays pass rather quickly! Here's a quick update on my life:

Monday: 2nd last day in Tuas Naval Base... somemore coaxing from the people there to stay on... but I've made up my mind... coz I prayed about it and felt the peace of God when I decided to move over to Changi, so I really just acted on God's direction for me and decided on moving to Changi. Actually over the past month or so, I've gotten to know some friends in this place. It's just that the people that I clique with best are the people who have the least time to interact with me because they're mostly of a different vocation. So sometimes it can be quite lonely in camp but it was only in the last 2 weeks or so I really started to learn to joke around with the rest... to come out of my shell. I had a few reasons for leaving Tuas Naval Base... and distance was not really a factor, because later I really appreciated the fact that the camp was so near church and I could always pop by church for bible study or some prayer time. The main reason I actually moved over to Changi was because I thought there was a serious communication barrier as most of them eg 80% of them were hokkien speaking and I have no clue whatever they're always talking about... it's like speaking in tongues! And also the people there... some of them are really attitude and its kinda hard to clique with some of them. Actually I prayed about it alot and I was telling God, I don't care about the circumstances, I don't want to base my decision to move on the circumstances but whether if it falls in Your good will for me? And He said yes, so i moved. It was a little bit painful today, because it realyl dawned on me I'll never be seeing some of the friends I made over here for probably the rest of my life. Anyway, not much work today, just slacking around mostly.

All right, today was my last day here, I wasn't feeling that sad anymore... it's just that I know many of the people in my camp were treating me funny for wanting to move over to Changi Naval Base... they all really wanted me to stay... I think alot of them actually quite liked me, haha... and they were all saying I should have let this guy with a terrible work attitude go over to Changi. It happened that they wanted to dump that guy there, but i volunteered to go over to Changi because of the convenience in travelling... and I felt there are more opportunities in Changi to learn new stuff. Most importantly, I felt God's peace with me when I made the decision to move over. Last day, I guess there were all that good byes. Some people I met were all saying it was so "sian" now that I was moving over to Changi... hmm I feel kinda flattered. Today I just wanted it to end quickly I guess coz I was really looking forward to go over to Changi Naval Base. By the way, I'm in the Naval Logistics Command formation.

Learning day. The people at Changi are great. EAsy to clique with and all very friendly, crappy and helpful! Much more busy than Tuas life but much more fulfilling too. Had to work overtime and spent some time mixing with my campmates before booking out, and it was so late and I had bible study at church! So i rushed down in a taxi again clocking up a bill of $19.70 . But i only had 14 bucks with me so i gave my 14 bucks and a free GV movie voucher to the uncle as payment! haha. Highlight of the week so far: Going to church for bible study!!! despite the expensive cab fare, it was really well spent and it was really really great and refreshed and energized me. After that, I waited for my cell group member Renzheng to deng chu ( go home in hokkien... I'm becoming more and more hokkienised!) although we were supposed to go makan together. Anyway, his friend drove us all the way to Plaza Singapore and we ate at Burger King, and we talked a lot of cock over there... actually I'm really quite happy that I'm starting to get to know him a little bit more and starting to grow closer to him...I think he's a great brother in Christ and wonderful cell group member! One thing that strikes me most is that both of us love to sing alot... although he likes to say that he needs healing when he hears me sing... but I can sing ok! When I open my mouth and sing, girls will start to drool! They will flock to me like bees to honey, and they will just be mesmerized by me! I know it! Also, Renzheng is a really lame, really crappy, really funny guy and it's really easy to be with him... I'm not afraid to be myself and be silly and childish and crappy when I'm with him... and I can also get him to help me find a potential girlfriend in church! whaha

Thursday: From the best day of my week to the worst. Today was actually also ok la, work wise I learnt a lot, made a lot of mistakes and cocked up so much but my superiors are soooo patient and nice towards me and willing to correct me. God is really great. But after work, we worked overtime for 1 and half hours, so I only booked out at about 6.50. Then my Staff Sergeant (who's really nice to me) wanted to drive me hm and then send 2 others to go eat dinner, but in the end he tricked me! haha... he brought all 4 of us to SAF Yacht Club to drink beer. ARGH. I Hate beer and I think it's a really unhealthy and crappy thing to do, and that it's kinda bad. Grrr... and i missed Singapore Idol because of it... but i just went head to drink 1 can plus of beer to give my Staff Sergeant some "mian zi". Grr luckily I was very firm in my limits and I didn't drink too much. But still, I praise and thank God because this little session help me to just bond with my Staff Sergeant and my 2 campmates... so thank You Lord!

Anyway, this week's been rather eventful for me. I think I've learnt lotsa stuff work wise. I've grown a little wiser in the word of God again. I've brought some friendships to another level. And I think recently I've grown a lot closer to my cell group, because like a year ago I was still so caught up with my other non Christian friends and I have this group of close friends to me ( Kenneth Ng, Xiuzhi, Jiajin, Caleb and Pam, etc etc). I think I've developed a kind of openness with my wonderful cell group leader Sharon Ong, and my amazing cell group helper Alvin. I'm not really that close and all to them, but it's soooo easy to talk and get along with them and soooo easy to just come to them for encouragement and advice and to share with them your problems.
Something really eventful is also that I've grown closer to some cell group members like Renzheng and Eunice ( Momo, I shall stop calling you that for a while. Just to show u that I'm a pretty nice guy! whahahaha)... and I think I'm starting to communicate more with my parents a little. Also, there's the whole change in my camp working environment and I just know for certain this is God's will for me, hopefully his good or perfect will. Whatever it is, I know obstacles are about to come, but bring it on man.... coz I know God is with me and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

P.S. Eunice if u're reading this... please thank me for treating Renzheng ar... you know why...
and Renzheng, stop calling me lup sup! haha.... Pamela I know it's been some time since I've talked to you... although I still msg you, but I'll definitely find some time one of these days to chat with ya... really miss you presence in cell group last week! Lynn... continue to study hard... do take care of yer body... also miss ya presence in cell group last week! Hope you're well enough to join us this week. Caleb: glad you're finally making an effort to exercise and shed some weight b4 your NS! Kenneth Ng: if you're reading this now, glad you came to church last week!

Just feel like typing out my favourite worship song now.

Every crown I've ever worn I lay it down
Any praise I've ever gained I give it all to you
For there's nothing in this world that can compare...
For You alone are worthy, You alone are worthy
You are near to those who call upon Your name
Ever giving, ever loving You remain the same
For You open up your hand and satisfy....
I give You all the glory, give You all the glory...

You are worthy O Lord, of all honour
You are worthy to receive all praise
In You presence I live, and with all I have to give
I will worship You....honour You... glorify Your holy name....

Love this song! It roX! :D

Monday, October 18, 2004 

Why Do the Weekends pass so quickly?!

Haiyo. Dunno why suddenly the weekend just passed me by. It's so tiring just to sit here on a Sunday night (actually Monday morning) to type out my entry... but I figured if I wanted to keep this thing alive, I have to at least blog twice a week!

Anyway the week has been great for me, as I said earlier although the start of the week was a little rough... but everyday it got better and better, really, I feel that God is really working in my life and I'm certain my breakthrough is about to come! Very soon I'm going to be switching camps to Changi Naval Base. I know that life there is going to be just as tough, if not more tough, than how it is in Tuas Naval Base... but it's ok... I'm prepared for it and I know I can face whatever is there for me... Bring it on! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...

Friday everyone in camp was already in holiday mood, it was really quite slack on friday and i did lots of crap painting for some fence thingie... argh the paint is so hard to remove... until now still got some bits of red red paint on my hand. Anyway, Friday passed so quickly... wanted to go to service but coz I forgot to bring my bible so I decided not to... in the end I went back home to catch the results show of Singapore Idol. When Leandra was announced to be in the bottom 2, my heart almost exploded! I like Leandra! Singapore she's a talented girl... please don't do such a thing to her! She deserves to be in the top 4 at least. Here's my brief review of their performances.

Daphne: Ok la... Think she's stagnating. And I still think she can't sing for nuts. I find her very irritating although her saving grace is her looks. I just think she doesn't have a singing voice... her voice is way too squeally for my liking.

Slyvester Sim: This week his performances was terrible. I'm ok ok with him, not a fan nor do i dislike him...but I still do not think highly of his voice. But at least he knows his style is rock so that's good for him. But Douglas O was right when he said that "you managed to bring rock into disco.... which is scary..." and i totally agreed! Sly... a very very weak performance.

Leandra: Girl... you're one talented chick... but you really have to choose your songs wisely! After choosing Ben in the piano shows and Come Together for the first round of the Spectaculars... your song choices started gng downhill... this week's songchoice is absolutely terrible. But then again you're still way better than some of the others. So you definitely do not deserve to be in the bottom 2! Leandra, pull up your socks next week! You're a really really good singer with a very raw, unique can go far!

Christopher: Jerry Ong was better than him this week. 'Nuff said.

Jerry Ong: Haiya. He is really not a good singer at all.... dunno how he got in here... but the thing about him is that I really think he's so brave. No matter what criticism is thrown at him, he can always offer a smile and just take the criticism without giving some lame retort unlike Maia or Christopher for that matter. I really have to applaud his courage for putting up that smile 24/7. I think although I just couldn't stand him at first, i've now gained a new layer of respect for him..

Olinda: This girl ROCKS! except for that questionable outfit... she rocked with that performance... Man, that song is so cool! and you made it even cooler!

Taufik: This guys is probably my favourite contestant along with Leandra and followed closely by Olinda.... he's a really really smooth performer and definitely the best male singer in the group.

Maia: I won't call her even a singer... she's like a s***! I mean there's a fine line between performing a sexy performance and pimping for votes. Maia just simply went too far. She wasn't even concerned with her singing. She was concerned with the whole booty shaking, grind my butt-to-the-floor- routine, and the hip twisting, the chest thrusting... my gosh... I would've thought I just turned up at some strip club if i was in the studio. And the worst thing is that the Ken is such a perverted piece of crap that he is sososososososososososososo biased towards Maia! What the hell? You can actually say that performance was not bad? It was terrible! ARgh I can't stand Ken. He's so biased and he keeps trying to sound intellectual when he's such an idiot! Remember the stupid comment to David Yeo? " Do you think you're better than the other contestants?" ---- that's the dumbest question I've ever heard. Then this week's comment to Jerry Ong was soooo memorised. "Undaunted by your amateurish voice, you made a notable effort in blablablabla" ---- come on, you think we believe that came out naturally from your mouth?!!! CH5 SCRIPTWRITERS!!!! PLEASE WAKE UP!!!!!

Ok so now my idol rant is over, back to my weekend routine. B4 I go into that, i have to say I'm really thank ful that I stayed at hm on friday to watch Idol with my mom. I think there's a little bonding for us over the show. Same for my dad. We really talk alot over the show... and other than that, we don't really communicate that much... so I believe the show is a stepping stone to really grow closer and reach out to them... hopefully win them over for God.

Saturday passed s quickly. Woke up at 7+, and went back to sleep, got up a few times again and went back to sleep, then finally got up at 11+. Slacked around, read newspaper, went for lunch at Crystal Jade with my family, took a cab down to Jieyong's house for cell group meeting. CRAP!!!! Alvin, dale and renzheng sort of figured out that I took the cab to jieyong's house! And they knew that i purposely stopped a little bit before jieyong's house so that I won't be seen coming out of the cab. Grrr but the stupid taxi made so much noise!!!! ARGGHH! Ok anyway I have to cut down this whole taxi thing anyway... too bad my lunch with my family ended late and I had no choice but to take taxi. Cell group meeting was fantastic! The message was great. After that, stayed around the whole to fellowship, we all learnt a lot of special talents of each other! Sharon Da Jie can wiggle her toe like 24 times in 10 seconds? (actually I knew she always wiggle her toes long ago...haha) Huitian can bend her finger until like no bone like that... I think she should go onto the Gusiness Book of Records... maybe she can "po ji lu" and set a new record. Alvin has this funny eye brow control thing... he can move his eyebrow one at a time... some of his eyebrow poses looks like the People's Eyebrow ( you know WWE superstar The Rock's trademark?) .... Small Sharon can touch her tongue with her nose!!! Oh man that's abnormal!! Am I the only normal one around? Haha... After fellowship went to Plaza Singapure to collect my clothes which I bought from 77th street. Spent 28 bucks altering everything!!! So expensive!!! too bad that design which I liked only had such a large size I had no choice but to alter!!! Why am I so short!!! *wails* haha But I must visualise myself being taller! Then I will become what I visualize myself to be! Whahahaha

Sigh went home to witness a rather disappointing match by Man U. Watched First half and Rooney wasn't fielded. Only 2nd half then fielded. But still 0-0. Sad. And @!#$#@ Arsenal won. Grrr... Lynn if u are reading this, the coming saturday will be the day of reckoning!!!! Man U will break Arsenal's record!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok this morning met Dale ( Bao Qing Tian) and REnzheng for breakfast... one thing about Renzheng... he has this amazing passion for his ministry... He has a great attitude of servanthood when it comes to his ministry and that day, he sang for all 4 services! 3 English services and 1 Chinese service. Woah. I really am inspired by that guy. We had a really really really crappy talk cock session at church and REnzheng was really making a lot of crappy comments about me being "lup sup" (dirty) in my mind. Nonsense lo!... I'm very pure in my mind and my mind has been sanctified k. :D ... Dale was eating a brownie...tasted quite nice... I ate a really big hotdog and I gave 1 to renzheng too who kept making references of the hotdog to erm... the male organ... of coz I told him not to talk about those kind stuff in church! Even a "lup sup" guy like me won't go so far... haha... anyway I also ate a very nice muffin and stuffed myself with it such that the crumbs were all over me... was making the comment that if my whole face was full of the chocolate muffin crumbs then my face colour would be the same as Dale's... haha Dale if you're reading this I think you're already immune to my jokes on your skin colour le lar!!! NO offence one k! It's all in the name of fun. You can make fun of my height too if you want! Haha.. go ahead!

Dale and I did something "illegal" in church today. We sneaked passed the barricade outside a door and went all the way down the staircase. Actually, we weren't supposed to do that... we did that on one door and the door happened to be locked... and my ex bible study mentor who is a Usher IC saw and asked us what we were doing! Thank goodness she was my friend. Haha... anyway being the guy who refuses to give up... I went to the other side to find the door open and went down with Dale... that guy kept saying what we were doing was bad... say so much until I from so proud of myself become so guilty le la!!!

Service was great as usual... though I have to say I'm kinda bored about the propertity subject coz it's been touched on so much before. Oh well, never hurts to hear it one more time and get blessed even more. Haha. Kenneth Ng one of my best friends who's still new in church and an irregular in the cell group brought my BMT mate, Jenson along, who turned out to be an ex-harvester too! How cool is that... hopefully can get him back to come to church regularly.

After service, fellowship and makan, and we found out more new special talents of each person! Tomorrow I'll post on that. Hahahaha.

Serving in dialect church was awesome. Tiring but fulfilling.

Can't wait for tomorrow. Have to rely on God to keep me going in camp tomorrow.

very tired le. God bless all those reading my blog. haha. :D

Saturday, October 16, 2004 

cam whoring.. bear with me!!! lol!

ahhhh raymond, i think i mentioned to you that i've got some pics right? here are some of the slightly better ones i took with the people i'm closer to in my class.. hehe~

think you can recognise me? i don't really think you can since we never met up. but make a wild guess in the comments yeah? =p

anyway, jerry mouse ong is out. thank goodness!
notice he didn't sing his disco number but chose the one from a past show? ("leader of the band") smart choice cos it is probably the best performance he did in his entire sgi journey.

thank goodness. i was prepared to give up on sgi already...

Thursday, October 14, 2004 

You are my light and salvation, whom shall I fear?

God has been great to me the past few days. Woah... Praise the Lord! It's really like, the sacrifice of praise really works... God really treasures it! Hmm I'll go into full detail tomorrow to do a praise report on my week! Haha.. but anyway I've to put a less "Christian-Christian" kind of posts now and then if not all my non Christian friends won't read my blog le!

Anyway these are the stuff I've been up to every night after work.

Monday: went hm by taking SBS bus instead of shuttle bus to the mrt. Like take the SBS bus because it's more quiet and I feel I can reflect better and connect with God better on the bus.. went hm and surfed the net abit, and went to watch NARUTO!!! Thanks Gabriel for all the episodes you burnt for me!

Tuesday: Went to Plaza Singapura to do some major shopping! Somehow I straightaway popped into 77th street to buy stuff because I love clothes from there. And this week is my birthday week so there's a 20% rebate on all the house brands! I spent almost 110 bucks there. But the clothes I bought are really cool! Too bad had to waste another 20 over bucks to go alter all the clothes coz I'm TOOOO small!!!! *wails* Also went to the Yamaha Contempo Pop Music School to check out their courses starting soon. I'm so tempted to take up drums! I love all kinds of instruments and can't wait to learn something! Although priority for me is still guitar... it's a Christian thing!

Wednesday: Went to church, went to makan, love the chao guo tiao at the hawker centre opposite church! YUUUUMMMYYYYY. Bible Study: Brother Bobby is back from his short China mission trip and he shared lots of v interesting and funny experiences! Haha. It stretched a little late but it doesn't matter because we learn so much more and the whole session really refreshed me.

Thursday (today): Was really contemplating whether to go to church for a short while to hang out in the bookshop or to go home to catch Singapore Idol. In the end decided to go to church. Sat down a while to read my book before ending up talking for almost 40 mins to Prashant (good army friend), Alvin ( inspirational cell group member), and Kenneth ( one of the best friends ever!). Then went down to Powerhouse to pray. It's so refreshing! Although was so tired after that slept almost my whole mrt journey home. Praise God that i didn't oversleep my station!

OK, that's it.. I'll write out more about my work week tomorrow. Really hope to put up some pictures of my cell group members and my family member ( esp my twin brother due to many requests).... a shoutout to all those who read my blog... Lynn!!! Your tag!!! Pamela will be mad when she sees it! Haha... anyway as I said I love ya too much to take your seriously... Oh and Sharon Da Jie ( my cell group leader) read my blog! Woah. hahaha. And found out that Joie ( friend for 5 years already and a great guy) also visits my blog rather regularly... haha... thanks to you guys for making my blog a little bit more alive. But more tags and comments please! :)


on the upslopes of exhaustion...

jerry and christopher made me cringe. olinda, leandra and daphne are my sunshines. that rounds up my weekly rant since i'm too miffed and nauseated by jerry "squeak" mouse ong to even pay much attention to singapore idol. (its just amazing how the people we dislike most gets the most attention. but seriously, jerry's singing is so bad to the extent it catches attention.)

besides, doing a countdown to the a levels, i have officially 3 weeks to my gp paper, and am a month away from my a level subjects proper. and i feel like an idiot in tutorials. so.. yeah i feel like i'm tied down to the railway track, with a train in sight, and no means of escape.

tomorrow technically marks my last day as a student of anderson junior college as we embark on our study breaks to prepare for our a levels. can't wait to get out of that dump. sometimes i regret choosing that school over nanyang, which probably will give me better opportunities as an arts student. all aj (as an educational institution) ever did to me is to stifle whatever's left of my desire to study. oh goodness, talk about suffocation.

there are reasons why i'm glad i stayed on. it's mostly because of the people i meet - friends and teachers. especially the teachers, my english and gp tutors who are probably the best in the entire school. if there's any sense of nostalgia to be evoked when thinking about that place, it will probably be memories of my english lectures (and perhaps some council memories...)

the building will always be there. but the true experience depends on the people you meet in the building because they are the ones who determine the memories you have of the place. it is miss wong (my english tutor) who has the ability to make me remotely miss my times in ajc. i'll always remember her quirky ways and her laugh-till-you-split-your-sides lectures. i'll always remember the guidance she gave me through the entire course of literature.

but overall, i just want to get out of that dark institution that stifles.

sgi votes: 1 (daphne), 3 (leandra), 7 (olinda), 8 (taufik)
you girls go!

now, back to the studying. =(

Sunday, October 10, 2004 

Monday Blues? No Way!

All right, the weekend has been a blast for me. I really had a great time! Actually it was an extra long weekend because I took leave on Friday. I wasted my Friday away... anyway as I said on Friday's post it was prob the worst weekend I ever had because of something terrible I did. Anyway on Friday I met up with this jc friend of mine which I thought I liked but found her too... not witty enough for me la! And she's not a Christian too... aww... although I did pull her to church once... haha... I realized that one of the most important criterion to me is that the ONE for me must be able to hold a rather intellectually stimulating conversation... be it deep conversation, or lame spastic, witty , verbal arguments!

After Friday, things picked up... I slept till rather late on Saturday, late for my lunch appointment with Xiuzhi, Jiajin and Caleb, 3 of my best friends! Thanks to Xiuzhi for picking me up in her car... and it was great that my 13-year-old friend Caleb could finally celebrate my birthday with me! Caleb if u are reading this... li mai gong wa buay gao peng yu, wa da bai jiu si jin gao peng yu! ( learnt that hokkien sentence from Xiuzhi, haha love it! thanks Xiuzhi!) Caleb I celebrated ur birthday 5 years in a role without fail k! Glad u finally celebrated with me man... it's about time! Xiuzhi and gang pulled me to take a few neoprints coz it was unusual for caleb to join us in our outings haha... weird for a guy to take neoprints right? Whaha but our gang has such a weird bond also... I like being with these guys coz I know I can be myself with them... silly and spastic! It's important to be in touch with your childish side! Ok anyway because of taking the neoprints, I was late for meeting Kenneth, another of my best friends, even though Xiuzhi drove me there. Supposed to meet him at 3pm, then change to 3.15, then i was only there at 3.45! wah Pai Sei leh Kenneth!

Anyway going to cell group meeting really refreshed me, it really rejuvenated me and really helped me gain some assurance from God after I did those bad stuff and felt so crappy about it. And seeing all the members really brought up my spirit again! And Alvin was back from Taiwan joining us for the first time in 3 weeks, so it was great to have his presence back! ( Note to Pamela: What's with the crush thing! My gosh. And said to Sharon somemore! haiyo. I was so malu-ated! I am a *very very normal* (must emphasise) guy k! *something tells me you're jealous about me always praising him hahaha* But anyway I love you too much to be bothered with the comment of yours... haha)

The cell group message was great... then they celebrated my birthday... with Pamela's!!! Oh man, that is like sooo planned. I just know they did it on purpose! Then I was kinda facing Pamela coz i felt kinda awkward and Sharon said something about that. And Lynn your comment on what birthday kiss!!! Now the whole cg knows about the past ( emphasis: it's *THE PAST*) le la!!! OH well, 13 years of friendship... love you too much to be angry with ya too!

Well After cell group meeting, stayed around to mingle around, then many of them left coz they all had some stuff on, so left with a small number of us. Jason, Renzheng, Sharon and I went the Serangoon mrt to take the NEL to Dhoby Ghaut... from there I went dinner with Rz... at Yoshinoya... the food there was actually not bad, but b4 that I had a Gelare Thick Shake which was really filling, so didn't really have the appetite for dinner. Rz's a really crappy guy! Haha which is why I think it's easy to hang out with him, coz I feel that I can be silly and be lame and be myself when I'm around him. Then both of us went to the LAN shop to play Desert Combat? ERm something like that? Anyway I mostly play Warcraft 3 in the Lan shop so I guess it's a welcome change... it was really fun anyway... so after that I went home and I saw David Beckham's goal against Wales.... it was SO BEAUTIFUL!

Today got up early, and my aunt who comes really early every Sunday asked me, " What church is Jerry Ong in?.... I thought he was in your church." I was absolutely mortified when she said that. Then I told her no, that guy is not in my church! Went back 2 sleep, got up again and rushed off for service... I had to take a cab to paya lebar mrt station coz I was supposed to take the 1st bus to book seats but overslept. I managed to catch the 2nd bus just in time. Every time I step into church, it's just great... I feel so uplifted and joyful and great!

Went to fellowship and eat after service, really fun as usual, and Renzheng, Dale ( Bao Qing Tian), Sharon Da Jie ( my beloved cell group leader), Pamela my super whiny super good friend, and Lynn, my super long time friend of 13 years, went to watch White Chicks, which was helluva funny... I was laughing till I got stomach cramps. Went home, uncle prepared a few special dishes for a belated birthday celebration for my bro and I. Got lotsa hongbaos! Thank God for all the money!

NOw it's at night, and I thank God for all the great stuff He has done for me this weekend, the financial blessings, the really uplifting messages, the super fun time of fellowship and the great birthday celebrations my friends and cell group and family had for me. But tomorrow, when I book in to camp, I don't want to feel the "sianness" anymore. I don't want to go through the motions. I don't want to lose the joy of the Lord when I'm in camp. Whatever our hands find to do, do it unto the Lord! I want that to be the case. I want to glorify God in my camp. Although it's really really lonely in here sometimes, I only have a buncha friends inside here who are of a different vocation from me... But this time... I really going to believe... Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world! I can overcome my circumstances!

P.s. Thanks again to Xiuzhi, Jiajin, Caleb for the great birthday celebrations. You guys mean so much to me. You guys are the best!! Keep rocking!
Thanks Kenneth, although bro, I still have to say your taste in clothes sux! You bought me a sleeveless top!!! I don't wear sleeveless tops! But then again I really do appreciate it. Thanks alot. thanks to my whole cell group. You guys are awesome. And most thanks to God!

Saturday, October 09, 2004 

You Are Worthy

Any crown I've ever worn, I lay it down.
Any praise I've ever gained, I give it all to You.
For there's nothing in this world that can compare, for You alone are worthy, You alone are worthy
You are near to all who call upon Your Name.
Ever giving, ever loving, You remain the same.
For You open up Your hand and satisfy, I give You all the glory, give You all the glory

You are worthy O Lord, of all honour, You are worthy to receive all praise.
In Your presence I live, and with all I have to give,
I will worship You, honour You, glorify, Your holy name.

I was blessed with Hillsong's latest cd, For all You've done, by my aunt last Sunday, and this song was my favourite. Everytime, i played it, I really felt God's presence so tangibly in my room! It really magnified my perception of God everytime I sang it... and I always felt like God was so close to me when I sang along to the song...

Anyway today I wanted to post on Singapore Idol, but I've decided to push it back a little to tomorrow. Today, It's one day after my birthday! Haha or rather just about 2 hours over my birthday, but anyway, I'm 19 now! 2 more years to adulthood... scary thought. Haha. But I just felt like it was a really bad day for me... because I did something really bad which really upset God, sigh, and... I feel terrible about it. I've made the choice to stop before, and it was a really strong choice, but here and there I keep falling. And the worst thing is that I just feel God has been great to me lately, even though I'm going through some tough circumstances. And today, because of that, I feel terrible. Absolutely awful. Sometimes I look at certain Christian friends of mine, mostly in the church, some in my cell group, I just feel crappy. I see their lifestyles, I feel so inspired by them to do greater stuff and be more fervent for God... and for some, when i see the lifestyles they lead, I always feel convicted to change certain things about me. I have this 2 cell group members called Jingfa and Alvin... everytime I see them, I just feel so convicted to change things about me... they don't even need to say anything, but when I'm near them I always feel like I've to re-assess my entire life. Jingfa, he's studying in poly now, he's the nicest guy I've ever seen. He serves as an usher in church, and he goes for another service so that he can enjoy the Word Pastor shares with us that week, and he comes for cell group weekly without fail, but more than that is the fact he never grows tired of serving God and other people. I've never seen him take a break from his ushering before, and during cell group, he always makes it a point to go around talking to people, making people feel comfortable. And when u talk to him, there's an instant comfort zone. He's a very gentle and very nice guy and even the new friends I bring to the cell group took an instant liking to him. I doubt he's reading this, but Jingfa if u're reading this, you're a great, great guy, and continue doing great stuff for God!

Alvin, a helper in my cell group, is my very good friend's neighbour. What a small world! And now that she's in church, it's even better. Alvin is a guy who can cliques with anyone. It doesn't matter who you are, he just instantly can connect with people and he can make anyone feel at ease. It's due to his natural charisma and the amount of the presence of God he brings with him. He is always so availing to help out my wonderful cell group leader Sharon, and he always makes it a point to call people up to ask them how they are... it's like a short conversation with him is also already very, very therapeutic. Even my super cynical friend, Jia Jin, was full of praise for Alvin the first time they met. Sometimes Alvin rather suffer than see other people suffer.

I think these people are inspirations in my life. Somehow God has placed these wonderful people in my life to really impact me in some way. I mourn the departure of Esther, a great girl in my cg, as she's transferring to an adult cell. Esther, all the best to you and I really do hope I'll continue to see you in times to come!

So anyway, after writing all these stuff down, I suddenly feel strengthened. I may have done something terrible today, but I know God will forgive me, because I'm genuinely repentant. Hellelujah! Whatever circumstances I'm facing, I know I'll make it through the rain, whatever stuff I'm struggling with, I know I will beat it, whatever obstacles in my way, I know I can overcome them! Because we're more than conquerors through Him who loves us and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. God's grace is made perfect in my weaknesses! Now, I'm going to go before God and repent... and start to desire his presence more. You are my source Lord, and I need your presence to sustain me and refresh me! I'm gng to lay aside all distractions and seek the Lord and humble myself before Him.

.... Any crown I've ever worn, I lay it down.... Any praise I've ever gained, I give it all to You.. For there's nothing in this world, that can compare... for You alone are worthy... You alone are worthy....

Thursday, October 07, 2004 

technical housekeeping...

i hope raymond won't mind me doing this...

to all readers of this blog (especially raymond's friends) who linked him, do leave a comment in this post or email me at [pheebs86 at yahoo dot com] if you want your link added in this blog.

thank you for your time!


sgi - rock and roll special

hey ray, things will be fine, just try to relax and hopefully everything will iron out yeah? you still serious about tomorrow's tution thing? =| argh.. just sms me yah? i end at 1300h tomorrow.

anyway... singapore idol weekly rant. =p

the good
david cannot really do rock and roll in the dance aspects. but he has a really good voice. a rendition one would love to hear in the morning to wake you up.

daphne did credibly tonight, looks good (omg i want that top so much!!!) and sounds unique. my mom was commenting that her voice lacks power, but she makes up for it with the unique treatment (aka "daphne treatment" as coined by douglas).

taufik... boy that guy finally manages to catch my attention with the "great balls of fire" with smooth moves and voice. this obviously is his niche genre of singing (what can i say? he did mj and usher before...), and boy did he "sound very good" (as according to ken)

maia was good in terms of power. love her outfit. but still, biased view against her still stands and still think she's selling sex, albeit lesser compared to the previous episodes.

leandra with "rocking robin" was chirpy (pun not intended), likable, totally in groove with her sounds. an act nicely executed. ^_^

the "bad"
contrary to what the judges say, i thought ollie is still doing well. she has the power that daphne lacks for this musical genre.

on the other hand, slyvester gave me the impression that he was screaming the song out. or maybe it's cos i do not really appreciate rock and roll, but tonight's performance did not really work for me..

chris? *zlich* nada. uh-uh. may he be saved by tone-deaf hormonally charged teenage girls.

the ugly
jerry (the mouse) tries too hard. too hard. to the extent he sounds *beeping* constipated (even dick says so!). it will really take a miracle if he becomes the Singapore Idol. and that is when i'll be forced to blaspheme and say that God is blind... or tone-deaf.


oh and on your 19th birthday...

many happy returns ray! don't steal any cake! (bwahaha! lame joke.) =)

Wednesday, October 06, 2004 

Lately I can Tell that I'm just going through the motions....

I received a tremendous wake-up call today. And when i mean wake up call it's not the sound of the alarm ringing to wake me up from my sleep. Rather, this wake up call is more like some incident that really jerked me out of my dream-like state in camp and induced some clarity of thought in my life. I guess for too long, I had been just drifting around in camp, going through the motions. The fact that i hated the work i do didn't help. There're so many reasons why the past few weeks in camp have been one of the most boring and empty periods of my life. Firstly, I realized that I totally wasted my BMT away coz my attitude during my BMT was like really bad... I was actually quite negative during my BMT, trying to slack when i could, although I've always did my fair share of work... and I made some great friends inside... haha but my already bad depression got worsened during that period... so i had no motivation to excel... and my performance was exacerbated by the fact that I was naturally blur! whaha. ok seriously, it was only after being posted to become a VM i realized how much i regretted slacking during BMT ( taking 4 MCs... one of the record holdres in my company...whahaha)... although at that time I would have loved a slack vocation.

That's coz after going to a unit for training for 3 months and getting posted to Navy now, I realized I just had totally no interest in whatever that I am doing. In my previous units, it wasn't so bad coz i had tons of friends to talk with and interact with. In the Navy now, I guess there're only a few people that I can really connect with. I guess I'm OK with everyone, but I don't sense much potential in many of the friendships I'm having now. The problem with me is that sometimes I'm not active enough in forging a friendship... I'm not the kind to doggedly inquire about you and your life... and I barely open up to people. If I do, then either you're a good friend of mine, or you're one super incredible person because most of the time i just open up to my good friends. In Tuas Naval Base now, many of my campmates are actually "Hokkien Pengs" meaning Hokkien soldiers... and me, a predominantly English speaker, although some of my best friends are more Chinese speaking... so there is a huge communication gap. Interest wise, also really different. I'm also the only other A level student besides one Sergeant. So i guess I don't really have much friends in camp basically. The loneliness and boredom just really gets to me all the time.

Anyway, I guess the next natural progression is the fact that I always go through the motions in camp and just stone and dream away although I actually do a lot of work... so today I was really screwing something up and my Sergeant told me "Raymond, your heart's in this place, but your soul's not in this place"... I immediately shouted "HUH?" then he was like do you have any problems? and I was like " I dont'! why do you always say that?! " I mean what was I to say? I wanted to just at that moment say I hate this place, I hate doing this stuff, I rather be in the jungle running and sufferring than doing this crap, I hate the stupidity of everyone here, I hate their shallowness, I hate their superficiality, I hate their lack of understanding of the human condition, I hate the politics, I can't stand some people, I hate the fact that I'm doomed to be in thsi hellhole for the next 1 and a half years. (although in about a month's time I'm posting to Changi Naval Base with a sergeant who's a great guy, so guess that may (or may not) be the change of fortunes for me). I wanted to tell them, as Elyse Sewell said in America's Next Top Mode, "There's the most vapid conversation going around me now..... these people are vapid, wasteful and dumb...." But it's just that a few sergeants also echoed the same sentiments... so that got me to do some serious soul searching. At first I was thinking, no way man, i don't have any problems at all, then i took a step back and realized that, yeah, I am just simply going through the motions. The break came and i took out some Christian material to read... then I just felt this overwhelming need to pray. I can't tell u exactly what i prayed, but here's a gist.... " Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world... Lord I know that You can help me get through all my circumstances... etc etc etc... i want to face my work with a postive attitude and prosper where You have planted me etc etc etc... I want to rely on Your strength etc etc etc." After that prayer, I felt IMMENSELY relieved of my burdens, and I felt like I could take on the world. It was cool. In the afternoon, after picking myself up although with a slightly bruised ego after the morning screw up.... everything went a lot better... woah. Thank God. Tomorrow lies a new challenge. But bring it on. Because greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world. And I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

P.S. Woah it's great that Alvin's back.. gave me a call in the afternoon, though it was just like a few short minutes but I felt alot alot better... Pamela I don't know what's happened to you and that guy but I think whatever it is, there're a ton of guys out there for u la. Cliched but true... But talking to you the past few days has been really great... I feel like u've actually matured a lot. Just like me! Whahaha... Marilyn... don't worry about the friday tuition thing, it's great to be able to help... Kenneth, if you're reading this ( probably as a previous entry coz you're probably only able to read this on the weekends), see, you're not alone in your struggles right? You've a friend who's kinda going through similar stuff as you... Hmm I believe you'll have the strength to pull yourself out of whatever it is you're going through.

Saturday, October 02, 2004 

Singapore Idol as Democratic Ideal... plain BS!

Marilyn, I'm guessing I'm as pissed as you. Yesterday's results are an utter disappointment. Jeassea leaving the show on the first night is a TRAVESTY. What the hell are Singaporeans thinking? I can't tell you the rage I'm feeling right now at this downright injustice being done to arguably the most talented singer in the show. Sure, she didn't do that well, or rather as well as expected of her on thursday, but Singaporeans didn't have to punish her so harshly with this kind of thing right? But then again, I'm also to blame. I was one of the people who took for granted the fact that Jeassea was good and didn't vote for her. I guess a lot of others had the same mentality as me, and that certainly didn't help Jeassea at all. I don't know. I'm just so disillusioned with the whole Singapore Idol show. I think the Idol franchise is a really unique and special concept. It serves as a democratic ideal to the masses. But that's precisely why it's not so feasible here. Down here, we all stress democracy and all, but really people aren't willing to vote and spend a little money for a cause they support because something else overrides this democratic ideal thing --- and that's KIASUISM. People aren't willing to spend that .little bit of money to vote because they think in doing so they'd lose out to others because they're wasting money. In case you're thinking I didn't vote, I did. I spent almost 9 dollars voting in the previous rounds. I didn't vote on thursday coz I thought I'd done my fair share.

Sometimes I'm really starting to seriously question that feasibility of Singapore Idol. The talent isn't that great already. I think there're only a few that i would consider better singers. Jeassea, Leandra, Olinda, David Yeo and maybe Taufik ( i like his style).The others have their own merits but seriously I doubt their vocal talents. And even some of the talented people didn't do very well on Thursday. David Yeo did rather disappointingly. Olinda was the only saving grace! And it's great that she added me on Friendster!!! wooo hoo. Anyway besides the dismal talent we got, and the abysmal decisions made on the audience's part, and the fact that Singaporeans are so bloody kiasu and pragmatic to the extent some would never vote, I have a gripe with the judges, whom I think are rather irritating (especially Ken Lim... what?? people call him a sex object? I think i'm more attractive than 10 of him put together!). But I shan't go on ranting. I think it'll make me more upset. Lyn, if ever Oli, Leandra and David Yeo don't make it to the top 6 at least, I'm swearing off the show. Period. And I think you should too. haha.

Friday, October 01, 2004 

singapore idol spectaculars #1 - parents choice

i type this entry with a twinge of sadness and regret at singapore's appalling taste in singers. and i'm speaking from the singapore idol experience.

the news is out: jeassea and beverly are out. in one show two of my faves wiped out in one fell swoop. the sad thing is that they are eliminated (by my guess) because of a single bad performance while squeaky sh*ts like jerry get to stick around. first it was nana and shirin, now bev and jeassea are out. what's next?

oh com'on singapore.. jeassea is good. beverly may be whiny and irritating with her tears but she is a credible performer. why are we giving them all up for squeaks such as jerry? if you want looks you've got them in the other two contestants as well.

the news that jeassea was going was the more shocking one. one can practically hear the indignation from the crowd. one guy shouted so loud that you can hear him on the tv.

they say that singapore idol is doomed to go down the drain, to be archived as one of the "been-there-done-that" of singapore's talent search contests, alongside talentime and fame awards (or whatever it was...) i'm beginning to think so. but it's not cos the show has a bad concept or anything (after all, it was from the americans). it's cos singaporeans are unable to vote properly. therefore, why bother using up resources to create and produce such a show when all we can do is embarrass ourselves in front of the americans?

i'm not angry. i'm just saddened over the bad choices singapore makes.
thank God we're not a liberal democracy. we'll be flushed down the sewers of history before the year is over.

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