The Exclamation Mark Blog!

... to here for good.

thanks for being a part of this blog for the past 2 and half years.

I appreciate every one of you.

I'm kind of pissed at 2006 because I haven't managed to get any sort of real fulfillment watching television of movies. If you think fulfillment from film is oxymoronic I highly suggest you go for a brain transplant because you can get tons of satisfaction watching film. I do.

I'm totally done with Lost, and it's seriously going down the shithole. It's not doing it for me anymore and now even the twists and turns the writers put into the plot is actually coming across as very gimmicky to me already. Half the time the tension doesn't add up to anything constructive - i.e. any sort of revelation of a character or some sort of emotional layering.

I've tried to put myself through America's Next Top Model and I can't do it anymore. The eye candy is getting worse and worse every season. Eye candy is the main reason why i watch it anymore. the shots and stuff I do appreciate but i feel most of them have such a 'done that' feel to it, I rather be reading photography mags or fashion mags (which i never do) if I wanted to look at good shots myself.

I'm not going to mention other reality television programmes because most of them are really terrible at the moment.

Sitcoms/comedy wise I'm loving Kitchen Confidential, which they're airing on Ch5 at a gross neglected timeslot, but I almost self imploded from shock and anger when i found out it was cancelled after one season.

Well at least there are some gems which i uncovered this year like Veronica Mars, which I'm determined I'm going to follow it fervently. And I've just finished the DvDs for the 4th season of Six Feet Under, which I love to bits - it has some of the best dialogue ever heard on television.

Well looking forward to 2007. Heroes is coming to Singapore at the end of the month on Starworld! If any of you don't have cable, this is the time to get it.

I'm probably going to shift all my posts over to bearswithlaserspewpew, or hopefully direct this page to bearswithlasers, but since I'm not sure how to do that at the moment I'll just make do with posting here for a bit.

Anyway, school has finally reopened, and I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I've been bored to bits during the 1 month december holidays. It's more of a breather actually than an actual holiday itself, because in NUS - as with American schools - have the amazingly long 3 months summer holidays. (may-july)

I guess part of the reason I'm so excited for schoolis because I have this closet nerd in me that just loves to learn more and acquire knowledge - probably so that I can feel some sort of fulfillment? (geez i'm like 17 all over again) There's also the obvious motivation of having eye candy everyday. And the last biggest reason is the fact that I'm just such a lazy person that I can't really drag my butt off the bed or sofa to do any damn thing. Christmas is a busy season for me so yes I was still busy, but because there are things that i HAVE to do. But in any case when i'm faced with the possibility of just slacking, I'll always choose that in preference of actually doing something constructive. So school starting again is like grabbing my arm by force dragging me out of my stupid comfort zone.

School's been great so far, although I'm having this weird feeling of unease. I'm not quite sure what it is, I'm pretty sure it's not depression because I'm like over the whole emo thing totally and I'm sick of being a damn victim all the time in my mind, plus the whole depression gig thing gets really boring after a while. Anyway I'm surrounded with cheerful, happy people all the time so that makes it even way more impossible. I'm not sure. Maybe this uneasiness is just my dreaded lazy nature shouting out in some obscure part of my psyche in protest to me actually having to study again, resulting in such a weird feeling.

But anyway that malady aside, I'm pretty much geeked for school this semester partly because I'm taking really really cool modules. I'm doing my first film module this semester!! And it's like way freaking cool, though many of them are already year 2s and year 3s, so they pretty much have a great head start over me, but hard work will compensate adequately. Plus I got into a project group right away coz a pretty nice acquaintance of mine asked me to join, and my group mates are just amazingly cool people. I think this module is going to be really swell for me. And there isn't even any tutorial to speak of!

Boy am I happy.

I've been encouraged by Momo's new blog (real name not revealed for privacy issues) to get back into the blogging scene after a long break. I've moved to my new blog Bears With Lasers Pew Pew! and this blog is going to be awesome. It is going to be funnier, more entertaining, more moving, alot more positive and generally more kick-butt than this one! So stay tuned for more Pew pew pew! action!

Some people think the future is simply a lame concept to keep one from living for the day. In some extreme cases, they call it a '****ing concept' that deters one from cherishing the moment.

Often that category of people end up being the self destructive lot intent on wasting their lives away. I don't see how thinking about your future has any detrimental effect on you achieving joy for the present day. If you think working hard is a form of sufferring, then maybe so, but yet I don't perceive it to be so. Working often gives me a sense of fulfillment and thus, joy, and also at the same time, I'm carving a better future for myself.

Having that said, I am NOT relishing my new job. It's just a temp job that lasts for slightly over a month, but already I'm half dreading it, though I'll list the great parts of it later.

1) Naggy boss. 'nuff said.

then again having a naggy boss is better than having a fierce boss.

2) lousy pantry

No food in the pantry!

3) Naggy boss

Oh, I mentioned that already? did i mention how she rambles on and on and on and on and on like how I am typing on and on and on and on and on like this? Today I got so increasing fed up with her endless rambling sessions I had to intersect her talking and change the topic. Her rambling sessions often leave me with little opportunity to give coherent replies except for tons of 'uh huhs' and 'no problems'

I have to admit that my friends and I are rather mean in that we have taken an inclination to holding discussions on whether she's married or not. hehe. But still I think my boss is rather nice, just naggy. My friend would beg to differ.


anyhow, on an unrelated note, I've to learn not to keep bottling up stuff within myself. And also, this post is not really meant to be an entirely coherent post, I just wanted to let people know I'm in on a new writing project, The Pink Blog with a few other writers so do lend me your full support!

I always find myself being really drawn to angsty, cynical characters on television shows, like Claire on Six Feet Under and also Angel and Faith on Angel. I often find myself trying to come to terms with this fact and rationalizing the cause behind it.

It's always as if these characters have a shadow over them, tailing them wherever they go, doggedly, perpetually evading their attempts to ditch it. Like it or not, we all have our own shadows, ones that stick by us 24/7, inextricably bound to some intricate part of our existence. I keep thinking, what exactly is this shadow? This is going to make me sound crazy but I think its... silence. And death. And fear that I'd never live out the life God has intended me to live.

Voices are what makes us unique - our opinions and views on different things as different unique beings. Death sometimes scare me - that I'd be robbed of my voice, condemned to a voiceless void for eternity. Even for a Christian , I sometimes do struggle with those kind of thoughts too.

But the tragedy is not in death. Everybody dies. Some live to a century, some pass away of cancer in mid life, some never make it even through their first day. I guess it's the knowledge that you never lived up to the full potential of your life, and basically pissed it all away. That scares me.

When people hate you and talk about you, be glad.

As I've mentioned before on my blog, the opposite of love isn't necessarily hate. In my opinion, the antithesis of love is really more like general stoicism, aboslute indifference and insouciance. Love as we all know is a really strong emotion, something that makes the world go round (besides money of course, heh, what a materialistic world we've got.) We don't want people to hate us, but when they do, realize that they have strong feelings towards you enough to actually hate you. Which means you're important enough as a person to elicit some sort of emotions and thoughts (negative or otherwise) from that person.

In other words, when a person hates you, it indicates that he cannot ignore you. Which is a pat on the ego, if you ask me.

Absolute indifference on the other hand is something different. It's an absence of response all together from another person, an total vacuum of emotion and thought. Goes to show how that person slights you and belittles you to the point where you do not even matter to him, even if you get in his way. A lack of utter concern - that's the antithesis of love.

Just my 2 cents worth.

I felt like penning this down because in my eyes, i think hate is just simply childish and stupid. I can get angry at a person for perhaps a few hours, but to cling on to anger and bitterness and let it germinate to hatred is utterly silly and in a sense, self-destructive. I rather just ignore the presence of that person all together and not let him affect me - and I believe that really is a facet of strength.

Anyhow, just regard it as a revelation of sorts. My pastor once said, if you are really doing God's will, there will be people talking about you. And if there aren't any, then you better start getting out of your comfort zone and doing somethng extraordinary. It's imperative that any person walking on the road to success will encounter enmity and animosity from others, but just take it in your stride and realize that now, you're finally somebody.

Yes. When you've haters, you finally know you have made it. =D

****

On a side note, I just really don't have time for hatred in my life. Being surrounded by such a wonderful group of church friends (e104, who else? shout outs to those church members reading my blog, Eunice, Dale, Timothy, Jasmine etc) I think happiness is really the predominant emotion in my life.

Attention all people! I'm back here blogging again!

Been too busy enjoying my leave as I am gearing up to become an ORD-inary person again. =D Guys who understand the feeling, rejoice with me!

And you may wonder, what exactly I have been doing so much that have kept me busy from blogging. Let's run down the list: Dvds, church, elderly ministry, meeting up with friends, and not forgetting, DOTA!

If you're into computer gaming and that doesn't ring a bell to you, you probably have been living with your face buried in the ground for the past few years. DotA ( Defence of the Ancients) is a custom game map created by players for the computer game Warcraft 3. Before you go ahead and try it out, a word of caution: it is highly addictive. (And no, I'm 'addicted' but NOT addicted, if you get what i mean.)

I've been thinking a lot- what is at the core of its appeal? Sure, it's helluva fun, it's pure fantasy escapist thrill, and it transports you into a magical new world where your life is not so mundane. But then again, what about other things? Music serves out the same purpose. The Television does too.

But beyond that, I believe its allure lies in the glory of victory and the satisfaction of excellence. When your character is the strongest and your team wins, you'll probably be on cloud 9. Really, sometimes when I wonder why so many thousands and thousands of people are literally seduced and intoxicated by the taste of that faux success, it leads me to that same conclusion: people want to win. Doesn't matter if its in 4D, in a soccer match, in their studies, or perhaps in the workplaces ; people want to win, and the fact remains that losing sucks.

Yes, with the whole new world of computer games opened up to the masses, a world of fantasy is accessible and people can temporarily transport themselves out of their mundane lives where they are often burdened by the drudgery of everyday work. But more than that, computer games (esp games like DotA) have opened up an outlet where everyday losers CAN win.

Lately as I've listened to my friends' advice (thanks Alvin and Dale) , I've begun to reflect and evaluate to what extent I am 'hooked' onto the game. At a point I admit I've perhaps crossed the line a little (not surprising since i like living on the edge a little sometimes) and I realized it was my craving to win. Sometime ago, I realized i was playing DotA to WIN, and not to have fun. I was ruthlessly aggressive to some of my teammates (who were quite often friends) issuing out orders in order to get my way done - though perhaps it was the same for all of us- and ometimes I believe it does get to others and irk each other.

And hence from then, I've been playing less competitive games with the aim of simply having fun and enjoying myself. It actually does a lot more to foster a good spirit and 'sportingness'. I think I've become a lot more 'sporting' as a result. (I'm so thick-skinned. =D)

Being competitive has always been in my genes. My dad was always an achiever, doing well in most of the things he came across and eventually rising up to a general manager. There was a climate of competitiveness among my family - everyone was fighting to put their children into the best schools and then parade their 'trophy children' to the entire world. I've always felt pressure to perform, and that desire to excel has been so entrenched in my behavioural patterns, ingrained into my mindsets, that it is something so natural now. I failed to realize that in secondary school because my lack of vision perhaps hindered my desire for excellence. In JC, it was my depression that robbed me of that go-getting attitude that ambitious people have.

I realize that truth now and I realize something even more important : Wanting to win is good. Wanting to win at the cost of things that are more important - relationships, health, etc - isn't. You just have to define that line and make sure not to cross it.

And please, be a winner in real life. Manage your time well, excel in your workplace, do well in your studies, get to the universitiy if need be, manage relationships well ; being a 'winner' really encompasses many aspects. Just don't confine yourself to being a winner in the virtual world because that is utterly foolish and perhaps even delusional.

And I don't know how relevant this is to you guys, but perhaps I'm writing for myself. Perhaps I need to read this for myself because at parts I really am writing for myself. =D

OH, and you guys GOT to go buy the Serenity DVD. It's an amazing film.