To forgive is to Forget.
The age old adage goes "to forgive is to forget" -- or not, because I've never heard anyone say that except for my pastor.
Honestly, I don't know how true that statement is. We can certainly forgive without forgetting, right?
I've forgiven many people. Many times. Grit my teeth and told myself to let everything go because at the end, it's me that's at the losing end - hatred does eat away at you slowly but surely.
People have brushed me off the wrong way more than once, and I've been wronged many times. But in the end, I will - and always - forgive them, not least because i am motivated my religious conviction.
Then again, it's never really easy to forget. I mean, a sure sign of forgiving is if you're willing to go the extre mile to try to forget. But then again, if something has scarred you so obviously to the extent you regard the act as a trespassing on someone else's part, then it's never easy to get it out of your head. This Christian here has prayed many times regarding forgiveness, but God never waved a magic wand to take away all my memories.
While it is not possible to "make" yourself forget, it is, I believe, possible to make yourself make it not matter anymore; you know, like say, in the way how no one really cares what the heck Janet Jackson does anymore .
Some overly-pragmatic people will go: " Why is holding a grudge such a bad thing? Not all things are worthy of forgiveness" . And even if we forgive it, or at least *forget* it, do you still have to be nice to people who wronged you? Doesn't that just give them the IN they need to wrong you again?
But life's too short to hold on to all that baggage. I'm just into my 20s and there's a ton of skeletons in my closet to clear. Imagine, how by the time I'm 50, if I'd made the erroneous choice not to forgive, the emotional baggage I'm carry (or dragging) on myself must be weighing more than a freaking bulldozer. And I'm not one who wants to die prematurely of a sudden cardiac arrest. It's not worth it being a slave to hatred because it'll just be an impediment to our progress - in our careers, in our personal growth, in our relationships etc.
Anyhow, the memories will not be washed away in an instant, but their power over my life can surely be dissipated. Like how painful memories dun make you flinch anymore. And how previously angry thoughts don't make you just want to strangle someone to death.
I guess in our life, we pay for everything. We have to deal with the consequences of our choices, and more importantly we have to deal with our past.
I can't change the past, and not even forget it, but I can - and will - use the memories to fuel my motivation to excel in the future. to use it as my trump card in the end.
And yes, often enough, our not-so-bright past can be turned around to become our advantage, our trump card, like say, how most of the social workers for deliquent juveniles were also once former gangsters, using their own past experiences to counsel the deliquents.
Yeah, God certainly works in mysterious ways.
Honestly, I don't know how true that statement is. We can certainly forgive without forgetting, right?
I've forgiven many people. Many times. Grit my teeth and told myself to let everything go because at the end, it's me that's at the losing end - hatred does eat away at you slowly but surely.
People have brushed me off the wrong way more than once, and I've been wronged many times. But in the end, I will - and always - forgive them, not least because i am motivated my religious conviction.
Then again, it's never really easy to forget. I mean, a sure sign of forgiving is if you're willing to go the extre mile to try to forget. But then again, if something has scarred you so obviously to the extent you regard the act as a trespassing on someone else's part, then it's never easy to get it out of your head. This Christian here has prayed many times regarding forgiveness, but God never waved a magic wand to take away all my memories.
While it is not possible to "make" yourself forget, it is, I believe, possible to make yourself make it not matter anymore; you know, like say, in the way how no one really cares what the heck Janet Jackson does anymore .
Some overly-pragmatic people will go: " Why is holding a grudge such a bad thing? Not all things are worthy of forgiveness" . And even if we forgive it, or at least *forget* it, do you still have to be nice to people who wronged you? Doesn't that just give them the IN they need to wrong you again?
But life's too short to hold on to all that baggage. I'm just into my 20s and there's a ton of skeletons in my closet to clear. Imagine, how by the time I'm 50, if I'd made the erroneous choice not to forgive, the emotional baggage I'm carry (or dragging) on myself must be weighing more than a freaking bulldozer. And I'm not one who wants to die prematurely of a sudden cardiac arrest. It's not worth it being a slave to hatred because it'll just be an impediment to our progress - in our careers, in our personal growth, in our relationships etc.
Anyhow, the memories will not be washed away in an instant, but their power over my life can surely be dissipated. Like how painful memories dun make you flinch anymore. And how previously angry thoughts don't make you just want to strangle someone to death.
I guess in our life, we pay for everything. We have to deal with the consequences of our choices, and more importantly we have to deal with our past.
I can't change the past, and not even forget it, but I can - and will - use the memories to fuel my motivation to excel in the future. to use it as my trump card in the end.
And yes, often enough, our not-so-bright past can be turned around to become our advantage, our trump card, like say, how most of the social workers for deliquent juveniles were also once former gangsters, using their own past experiences to counsel the deliquents.
Yeah, God certainly works in mysterious ways.
In "Night Watch", there's this quote:
"But they hated Keel with that gnawing, nerve-sapping hatred that only the mediocre can really bring to bear, and that was useful."
Hatred can serve as many things. One is motivation. I've seen my uncle become someone he wanted because he hated those who made fun of him in the past. He wanted to show them what he could do. If hate can be a reason to keep going forward, why not?
Also, I hope you don't mind me writing all these. When one is stuck in fron of the computer for the whole day, one tends to get distracted.
Posted by
R2D2 |
12:36 AM
Fear, hatred and other negative-ness is a good amephetamine, but only good once in a while. When your house in on fire, fear works its wonders to save your *touch wood* loved ones from being consumed by the flames.
But living in it is the least sought for intention, in which no one seeks. However, we are often blinded as we receive negative vibes every so often.
Therefore, forgiveness is the first step to a greater change in our lives. Forgetfulness will slowly, and surely, come into place eventually.
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:12 AM
yar.. but this is so easy to say, but so hard to do, even if ur mind is telling u to do it...
so how to Forget e unhappy n tormented past before u can forgive the other(s) and/or urself? i wish i noe how to do it...
my defense mechanism is denial n avoidance. as ppl say, Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind. izzit tantamount to Forgetting? i dunno, but this is my choice of doing it...
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:31 AM
sb: it's true actually. Anger helps a person live, helps a person survive this world. But faith also serves the same purpose too. :D
And no, I don't mind you writing this. I like your comment actually.
Bren: Yes, forgiveness is one big step to change in our life! If only most people understood that. Erm... what's a amephetamine? I was too lazy to check it up. heh heh.
anon: yes, denial is a very powerful defense mechanism. but it is certainly not tantamount to forgetting. It's just chucking it aside and pushing the problem to beneath the skin. But then again the problem is always there...scratching at the surfce. Scratching, scratching...
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:19 AM