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Monday, June 20, 2005 

What's in Your mailbox!

In the past few days while I've gone, a couple of things have gotten on my nerves. I found them so grating to me, I actually took the effort to post about them.

Yes, a couple of days ago, I actually went to check my e-mail, (online of course, with a rather respectable e-mail provider service.) Just after barely 3 days of not checking, I found my inbox and bulk mail folder filled up with TONS of absolute shit mails. So here I am, trying to give you a low down on the kind of crap mails people receive nowadays.

ADVERTISEMENTS

Ah, yes. The ubiquitous advertisements. Not a single online e-mail service is spared from the plague that is e-mail ads. There're a wide variety: the ones that promise to help you pay off loans, the ones that claim you've won a free car, the ones that offer to sell degree certificates to you, and finally, the penis enlargement ads.

obviously, the a**holes who created this junk mails ought to be shot. But what is more unforgivable are the dumb goons who actually open these mails, believing all the hollow promises they state in the mail.

*****Subject: Increase Your Penis length by 4 inches now! Scientifically proven to work!***

Click here now to increase your penis length by a whooping 10 inches! Forget other products, we guarantee 10 WHOOPING INCHES TO YOUR DICK TO MAKE IT AS BIG AS A BIG FAT ELEPHANT TRUNK! Experience the most powerful ejaculations you've ever imagined and turn your 10 inch appendage into the latest model of the SUPERSOAKER NOW, with a range of 100m! Be horny all day, and never let your partner down!

I think my new ad would definitely get lots of heads turning.

Generally, these mails are fine, since they get filtered through to the junk mail folder. I religiously just scan through my junk mail folder for any important mails that may have landed there, and then I just empty the whole thing.

Next.

CHAIN MAILS


These kind of mails used to be ubiquitous at one point of time. About 5-6 years back, they were at the prime of their popularity. Every single retard with nothing better to do would quickly forward tons of nonsensical mails to everyone in their address book, and making a plea to everyone who receive them to further spread the mails.

You know, to catch your attention, those pricks would come up with really creative subject titles like "IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GET CURSED PLEASE READ THIS!" or "IF YOU ARE NOT HEARTLESS PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO SAVE A LIFE!". Everytime I see one of these inane titles, I'm tempted to trace down the originator and then send him the most malicious computer virus ever.

For the "if you don't want to get cursed please read this" kind of mails, it always starts off with some pathetic loser girl who went out with this guy, inevitably losing her virginity to that guy, and then eventually totally losing that guy. In her utter state of despair, the distraught girl would, rather impulsively, commit suicide. But before that, she'd send out a mail, and make sure her ghost watches over that mail so that anyone who doesn't spread it would get cursed by her.

I seriously don't know which is more ludicrous. That girl being dumb enough to sleep with her boyfriend at her tender age, knowing that she'd probably not marry him -- and eventually committing suicide, which was actually brought upon her own self; or the fact that people can actually believe that ghosts actually watch over e-mails. Goodness. These idiots who invent these mails should really get a life. To this girl in question who committed suicide (which we all know probably) doesn't exist, I say: good riddance. Now your ghost can haunt me forever if you like. I don't give a damn.

Friendster/Hi-Fi/I'm-a-loser-and-need-a-social-club-website Friends request and testimonials

These are arguably one of the most popular nonsensical shit one receives in his e-mail nowadays. Friendster was the rage about 1 year back, and the popularity and obsession with it may have waned in recent months, but the requests and updates notifications still relentless plague one's mailbox (yes, I'm on friendster too.) I'm absolutely convinced it's one big fad, but I just can't wait to see the popularity completely die off.

I'm just so sick of receiving updates from friendster about my friends ( or sometimes, even strangers) on my account uploading new pictures or updating their profile. I absolutely abhor even stepping into the profile page of some people. you know, there're the standard pictures you keep seeing. Half the girls on friendster, I conclude ( perhaps prematurely and unfair, but nonetheless I don't care because I'm right most of the time) are bimbos. The girls are often easily identifiable -- always decked in clothes that scream "This Fashion', hair dyed in brown with blonde highlights, and with make up impeccably done. Why do their hair ALWAYS have to be brown? How creative indeed! And worse still, half of them does this stupid pose with their fingers in a V-shape -- it is so not kawaii lor.

" I'm sorry, I actually wanted to make a L sign, but people say that one is not good, so I make V sign lor."

Argh. More on friendster in another post.

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