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Tuesday, December 06, 2005 

Holy crap! -- Singapore Idol is Coming Back To Our Television Screens!

The bombshell got dropped on me a few days ago on the bus, while I was watching TV Mobile.

Horror of horrors - Singapore Idol is back.

Actually, that can only mean one thing for me : lots of bitching sessions over the contestants of the show, as well and mindless rantings on the blog.

I think its no secret that the talent on our local version of the Idol show is absolutely abysmal (I'm channelling some Simon Cowell here). In fact, I think William Hung doesn't even seem too bad as compared to some of the contestants (though some of them aren't even there to compete, but rather to whore for attention) on the show.

I was a volunteer on the crew for Singapore Idol last year. I helped out in the ushering and some crowd control during the first few rounds of the auditions, and on one of the days I was a runner to a producer on the show. I've actually seen some things happening behind the scenes which actually totally changed my view on the nature of reality shows. the fact is that bias is very much a huge part of the nature of the show, especially in the early rounds, where producers' opinions actually mean almost as much as the judges' themselves.

Well I didn't get anything for volunteering for the crew (read: cheap labour), except having our meals provided, and 2 free t-shirts with the 'Singapore Idol' logo on them. I actually did it more in the name of fun. Of course, fun was what it was because I got to see all the horrendous auditions and laugh myself silly.

I only stopped laughing when I realized there were actually some terrible ones that actually got through to the semi-s, and subsequently, the final 12 too.

Judging from the (rather unwarranted) success of a certain contestant in the 1st season of Singapore Idol, my now retired co-blogger Marilyn has come up with marilyn and berton's (that's her friend's name) surefire way to make it big on singapore idol checklist!

* go into the contest with *no* knowledge of how to smile. =) (opps.. not supposed to smile) =]

* when the judges (especially ken lim) states that you've got the same problem as him, make a weak attempt to twitch your lips and wink at the audience (*look ma! i *know* how to smile! =D )

* try to rock and screech your way through the song. it doesn't matter if you messed it up since your smile =) will ensure the votes rolling in for you.

* mess up your diction. like, "kiss" for "keeesh" and "everybody" for "every money". your cult would totally adore it. (come to think of it, so would the rest of the world. quaint huh?)

*appear in the competition with hair dyed in the colours of the rainbows. it would be best if you appear like a cute shiz-tsu puppy one night and a black labrador the next. you're cute, you're lovable, you're VOTABLE.

and don't forget to smile. =)

there you go. all the wannabes, just follow my checklist religiously and you're on your road to stardom!

I'm not boycotting the show next year, in case you think I was going to. No, it's way too much entertainment and amusement for me to pass off like this. I can't make do without all the constipated expressions, screechy voices, and inane comments from judges for too long - once the show starts, it becomes the constant dose of humour and amusement I await in anticipation for every week. Of course, if you're asking me if I'm crazy enough to vote like 100 times for some (mostly) talentless wannabe, then you're sorely mistaken.

To end it off, I leave you with a letter Marilyn wrote last year in sheer frustration -- it never fails to crack me up!

dear members of the sylvester cult:

please go hang yourself/ jump off a building/ take an overdose of sleeping pills/ ________ (insert other modes of commiting suicide)*. a termination of the most obvious sign(s) of your brainlessness/ deafness/ blindness/ bad taste* is most appreciated and beneficial to the survival of the human race.

* circle where applicable

your sincerely,
president of the anti-moronic-over-talentless-singers club
(membership open to whoever wants to join)

brainless morons who squeal and faint over their idol (aka those who only look good and can't sing aka F4, energy, the list of tuneless boybands goes on...) should just go and brainwash themselves or something.. rid themselves of these trash and get started on something more purposeful, such as learning to keep quiet.

i realise i've been ranting alot about entertainment unlike those inspiring blogs which actually comment on political issues with a touch of class. well.. i may or may not venture into that really vast area called politics but that shall have to wait till my exams are over. till then, ta~

p/s: if any boyband fans want to shoot me for dissing their sacred idol(s) please feel free to flood my e-mail inbox (the email is real just in case you are skeptical. go ahead and try. i just don't want to give my main e-mail address out just in case i have to block an influx of moronic e-mails..) i'm interested in seeing whether you guys have a brain. don't bother trying to trash me if all you can say is "omg you suck cos you hate my wonderful idol sylvester/boyband/whoever", cos you're just proving my point. (amen to the genius who created the delete button.) once sent, your letter will become my property which i would have no qualms using to show the entire world your stupidity or your rare spark of intelligence. have a nice day.

now that i re-read my stuff i feel like i talk too much. lol.

Why oh why oh why do people watch this stuff? The dumbing down of the world!

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