When the New Year Didn't Seem So Great
Years back, I remember I was going through this extremely bad bout of depression that lasted for about one and a half years, and I clearly remember the horrible feelings and thoughts that came with it. I wasn't the just-broke-up-with-stead-and-want-to-commit-suicide kinda depressed - that is actually more symptomatic of female depression - but I was in the kind of depression where things didn't seem to matter. Nothing seemed significant; every moment passing was just another moment I had to get through.
People often say you had to die before you get to hell; that goes without saying, though the route to heaven would be a lot more desired. Not that any normal person would want to go the actual hell, but I remember back then, life didn't seem so much more promising than hell. No prospect of change, no prospects of progress whatsoever.
Just getting past the moment. Moment. After. Moment. That was hell. Facing the pressures of the next day. taking up the responsibilities of the present. It all seemed... crazy.
And I remember during that dark period, the new year didn't even seem such a joyous occasion anymore. I've never really thought highly of the occasion itself - after all, it's just a new year! Big deal. During that time, it was just like "oh great, another new year has come and more trouble has arrived".
How I got out of the hellhole that is depression is another story all together, but it's amazing how I don't resent New Year's Day nor treat it like some abomination anymore. I still detest the meaningless Happy New Year wishes that I get from everyone, especially people I don't know and would just rather they shut up so that I don't have to reciprocrate out of courtesy and waste my energy saying that 3 words out loud.
This year I ended 2005 really suckily. I started 2006 kinda badly too. but no point looking back, especially on our past mistakes and failures. This year round, I have visions and goals set in place for me to strive to achieve. I know it's going to be a great year ahead.
I hope all of you will leave the baggage of 2005 behind and step into a brave new world. :D
People often say you had to die before you get to hell; that goes without saying, though the route to heaven would be a lot more desired. Not that any normal person would want to go the actual hell, but I remember back then, life didn't seem so much more promising than hell. No prospect of change, no prospects of progress whatsoever.
Just getting past the moment. Moment. After. Moment. That was hell. Facing the pressures of the next day. taking up the responsibilities of the present. It all seemed... crazy.
And I remember during that dark period, the new year didn't even seem such a joyous occasion anymore. I've never really thought highly of the occasion itself - after all, it's just a new year! Big deal. During that time, it was just like "oh great, another new year has come and more trouble has arrived".
How I got out of the hellhole that is depression is another story all together, but it's amazing how I don't resent New Year's Day nor treat it like some abomination anymore. I still detest the meaningless Happy New Year wishes that I get from everyone, especially people I don't know and would just rather they shut up so that I don't have to reciprocrate out of courtesy and waste my energy saying that 3 words out loud.
This year I ended 2005 really suckily. I started 2006 kinda badly too. but no point looking back, especially on our past mistakes and failures. This year round, I have visions and goals set in place for me to strive to achieve. I know it's going to be a great year ahead.
I hope all of you will leave the baggage of 2005 behind and step into a brave new world. :D
gosh. some of this sounds really familiar, and to this day I sometimes wonder if I'm carrying too much baggage from the past. it's day 2 into the new year, and i hope this year treats you better than the last too. enjoy the remaining hours of the weekend.:)
Posted by
Ellipsis |
11:03 AM
i feel a little insulted. after all i do not do that "oh i just broke up with my stead and i'm going to jump off a building" thing when i was depressed. stereotypes. tsk tsk to that.
new year always means school reopening for students. and so yeah, i don't see why it should be that great lah.
irrelevance aside, have a blessed 2006. i speak into existence and say that it will be good. =)
Posted by
lyn |
6:33 PM
gosh...mr moron is no moron after all...i should have known...anyway i will try to leave the baggage of yesterdays behind. That is a promise to whoever out there and to myself. I think I owe this to the entire human race, esp those who has sacrificed their souls in place of me in earthquakes, war or what you have...now i am sounding like a moron:-P
Posted by
mrdes |
8:59 PM
yeah hey. throw all those excess baggage away - you don't really need them anyways. travel light and accumulate new stuff for the new year XD
and yes, i do hate those random miscellaneous who shriek and shout happy new year at midnight. :X
Posted by
AG |
4:29 AM
negativities aside...
i wish you a Fantastic New Year Ahead! :)
Posted by
Anonymous |
3:11 PM
Indeed, I am very tired of enduring, and not living. May 2006 be a wonderful year for you.
Posted by
venitha |
5:48 PM
BoY: Thanks... I'm working to make this year a better one.
lyn: oh yeah. it's not a stereotype la. it's a statistical fact. Generally, most kinds of female depression stems from sorrow over breakups. :D and thanks for having faith in the new year.
mrdes: yeah. its quite ironic actually. I don't think I am living up to my persona anymore.
lonelylolacherrycola: yes. our fates are in our hands. we have to work hard to make the year turn out well.
ag: this year I didn't encounter any of those irritating peeps!
brennan: thanks.
venitha: that's the case for many of us i suppose. We are just existing. not living life the way we should be.
Posted by
Anonymous |
3:32 PM
Good to hear optimism.
Posted by
R2D2 |
4:09 AM
hey congrats that you're ORDing soon!
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:52 AM