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Sunday, November 28, 2004 

The Week for me

Week's almost over. I think I'm starting to go through the motions again. Darn!

Week's been really stressful. Low points all the way. The only high point is that I'm starting to bond with a few people in camp... especially another Christian called Sean (though he's no longer attending church). Plus that guy was frm HCJC... so I can speak to him in both languages... makes me feel much more comfortable, and there's no communication barrier.

Big boss from hell and 2nd boss from hell were as per normal, equally unpredictable. None of them were really nasty or harsh to me, but the stress and pressure they put on everyone is crushing. But big boss from hell kinda likes me coz he thinks I'm funny... haha I have to admit I don't think there's anyway as "gong" or klutzy as me in camp. That's one of my redemption points... but sometimes I wish I can be the capable guy instead of the "gong" one! haha. 2nd boss from hell kinda thinks I'm not really cut off for mechanic work, so he's kind of thinking of making me his clerk.. which is good coz I'd prefer that a lot a lot a lot a lot more than being a dirty crappy unappreciated VM for the next 1 year 4 months... thanks for saving me from a fate worse than death! haha.

Really feel weird because so many people in camp are trying to get to know me more. But sometimes I can be v lazy to strike up a conversation. Lazy to communicate. Lazy to get to know people. Just want to be alone in camp... need some peace! Thank God for people like Kevin, Sean, and Sebastian in camp... no social pressure. All the people are really nice actually, but for some inexplicable reason I like to be alone? I always gravitate naturally towards a choice that will lead me to some situation with little or no social pressure at all. Being by myself, being with God, being with my close friends and being with my church friends causes little or no social pressure at all.

Everytime I drift a little further away from God, I always feel like I'm slipping back to depression. I just cant seem to understand that personalizing idiosyncracy or mine. I become apathetic towards things around me and try to seek some form of excitement or gratification through other outlets. Coz depression is basically the absence of everything: the absence of feeling, the absence of response, the absence of interest. Man, I hope I do not slip back into it! (Oops guys! Hope you guys dun mind this post... I know may have some "cheem" words! :D) I think when the stress comes and the tireness and weariness comes, i just kind of stop finding rest and refuge in God and kind of grow a little cold spiritually. NOt as in backsliding or what, but just kind of cold. This has to stop! I have to muster up all my energy and strength to make the choice to grow closer to God again. Any Christian friend reading this, please send some encouragement to me! :D.

Tuesday's Bible Seminar was great... it was on "How Shall we Live?"... really really learnt a lot from it. However, I was down with a flu and was terribly uncomfortable throughout the whole session.. kept blowing my nose. Thank God at least that I didn't have to rush down to church by taking a cab, coz on Tuesday my unit had this late Deepavali celebration at the Tuas Naval Base ( my camp is Changi Naval Base)... so after falling out I went down to church rightaway. The celebration was crap but during the ride to Tuas Naval Base in the 1.5 Tonner... I really had a great talk with Sean. Really heartening to know I have a brother in camp that shares so many similar experiences with me!

Yesterday, caught The Incredibles with my JC friend Tuan Hee. Haha he was one of my better friends in JC, though I won't consider him a really close friend yet, but anyhow I was glad we had to chance to catch up. Kenneth couldn't come along coz he just came back from his 2 weeks continuous overseas mission. Tuan Hee had to be the most swa ku person I know! From Bugis MRT he didn't know how to go to Bugis Junction! Mi gosh I couldn't believe he was living in Singapore. So he like wasted my Hp bill calling me like 5 times in 25 min getting me to direct him there. Luckily he managed to make it down to the cinema in time.

The Incredibles was... SIMPLY INCREDIBLY! It's a really smart intelligent show with many funny spoofs of cultural stereotypes. It however tries a little too hard to be funny sometimes... it really wasn't as funny as I expected, though at some moments I really laughed my hearts out. Today I returned the vcd I rented 2 weeks ago, "Open Hearts" which I didn't watch at all. plus got 6 dollars fine. Darn! But I rented 2 DVDs... Buffy the vampire Slayer episodes and Angel episodes! Haha... really can't wait to watch.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord. Dunno why but felt like saying that!


Really glad I'm getting closer to my family... though I still have little communication with my dad... I'm talking more to my mom now. My dad's always been trying to fulfil this typical "father" role... the typical breadwinner, harsh disciplinarian kinda dad... it's just I never really got any acknowledgement or advise or words of wisdom from him during my most crucial period of time: my teenage years. I guess I find a lot of those stuff, which are important elements of growth, in my heavenly Father. Which anyone reading this blog can tell coz of all my bible quoting antics. haha but I'm lucky I'm tight with my bro and my mom, and now more so with my sis too.

Have a nice day.

Signing out,
the manic depressive, emotionally unstable, neurotic owner of this blog

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